AITA for expecting my kids to attend all family holidays?

Picture a cozy living room, the faint scent of pumpkin pie lingering, as a father’s heart sinks during a tense Zoom call. A 52-year-old man, shaped by a childhood without family gatherings, yearns for his three adult children to fill the house for Thanksgiving. But when they announce they’re skipping the holiday, his dream of a full table shatters, sparking a heated clash of love, duty, and independence.

His children—busy with careers and relationships—push back against his expectations, leaving him feeling disrespected. The tension escalates as his wife sides with the kids, calling his demands unreasonable. This family drama, shared on Reddit, ignites a debate: is he wrong to crave togetherness, or are his kids just living their lives?

‘AITA for expecting my kids to attend all family holidays?’

Family holidays can feel like a warm hug or a pressure cooker, and this father’s story leans toward the latter. His longing for togetherness clashes with his children’s adult responsibilities—hospital shifts, emergency dispatching, and caregiving. The rift highlights a common struggle: balancing parental expectations with personal autonomy. Dr. Pauline Boss, an expert on family dynamics, notes, “Ambiguous loss occurs when loved ones are physically absent but emotionally present, creating tension” .

The father’s guilt-tripping, while rooted in love, alienates his children. Alice and Jeff’s demanding jobs and Kevin’s caregiving reflect valid priorities, not disrespect. A 2022 Pew Research study shows 68% of young adults prioritize career and relationships over family traditions, a shift from past generations. Boss’s work suggests parents must adapt to their children’s independence to maintain closeness.

To bridge this gap, experts recommend flexibility. The father could propose alternative celebrations, like a post-Thanksgiving gathering, or visit his kids. Open dialogue, free of guilt, can rebuild trust. Resources like The Gottman Institute offer tools for navigating family conflicts with empathy.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Reddit didn’t mince words, dishing out tough love with a side of snark. From calling the father out for clinging to his childhood dreams to urging him to respect his kids’ lives, the comments are a spicy mix of empathy and shade. Here’s what they said:

These opinions pack a punch, but do they miss the father’s heartfelt intent or nail the bigger picture?

This tale of a father’s holiday hopes clashing with his kids’ realities reminds us that family is a dance of give and take. His yearning for connection is universal, but his approach pushed his children away. How would you balance family traditions with adult responsibilities? Share your thoughts below—what would you do if your family’s holiday plans left you at an empty table?