AITA for having my mom do a voice recording for my daughter but not her step-sister before she died?

In a quiet moment of joy, a father hands his 17-year-old daughter, Erica, a teddy bear carrying her late grandmother’s voice, a cherished graduation gift planned before her passing. Erica, deeply bonded with her grandmother, weeps with gratitude. But at her mother’s home, the gift stirs unexpected pain: her stepsister, also graduating, feels left out, sparking family tension.

The father’s ex-wife accuses him of insensitivity, and Erica grapples with guilt. Was the gift a heartfelt tribute, or a slight to a blended family’s balance? This tale of love and loss questions how far family obligations extend in moments of grief.

‘AITA for having my mom do a voice recording for my daughter but not her step-sister before she died?’

My daughter Erica is 17 and graduated from highschool back in June. My mom passed away in December from cancer. Before she died we decided as a surprise for my daughter’s upcoming graduation, my mom would do a voice recording on one of those teddy bears.

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We agreed I’d give Erica the bear as a graduation gift from my mom since we both knew she would not get to be there. Her and Erica were always very close so we knew this would mean a lot to her. Right after her graduation I had some work to do out of state and only got back a few weeks ago.

I finally had the chance to give Erica the bear and she absolutely loved it. She cried and said it was the best gift ever. When I dropped her back off at her mom’s, my ex called me immediately to give me s**t about the gift. She said Erica showed it to them (ex, her husband, and stepsister) and now her stepsister is upset and won’t come out of her room.

I wondered what the hell that had to do with me and my ex told me Erica’s stepsister was hurt that my mom didn’t make her one too since they both graduated HS this year. This made absolutely no sense to me. Why would she expect a personal gift from someone she hardly knew?

It’s not like she ever interacted with anyone in my family. She only started seeing my mom 2 years ago. That was when my ex started making Erica bring her stepsister along when she’d stay at my mom’s for a couple weeks during the summer and also during spring break. But that was it.

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My mom wanted to be nice and allowed the girl to stay with them even though that time was supposed to be for her and my daughter only, but I was never under the assumption that they were close.. My mom never mentioned Erica’s stepsister when we came up with the idea for the bear.

Now my ex is mad at me for not thinking about her stepdaughter, Erica is starting to feel guilty about her gift, and she tells me her stepsister is giving her the cold shoulder. I honestly don’t understand where the anger is coming from. Or why my ex is calling me names and trying to make me feel like the bad guy here.

This was supposed to be the last gift my daughter receives from her late grandmother whom she was very close to and now it’s starting to seem like something insensitive that was done to her stepsister.. It’s very confusing and I don’t know what made this all go wrong.

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This family friction is a tender mix of grief and misunderstood intentions. The father’s gift, a final connection between Erica and her grandmother, was a deeply personal gesture rooted in their close bond. The stepsister’s hurt, while valid, stems from a different family dynamic, with only brief interactions during visits. The ex-wife’s reaction risks overshadowing a meaningful moment.

Psychologist Dr. Susan Newman notes, “Blended families often face challenges aligning emotional expectations.” A 2020 study by the Journal of Family Psychology found 30% of stepfamily conflicts arise from unequal treatment perceptions, like the stepsister’s feelings. The father’s focus on Erica was natural, but a small gesture for the stepsister might ease tensions.

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This story highlights navigating blended family dynamics. Open dialogue could clarify intentions, while Erica deserves to cherish her gift.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Reddit’s takes on this family drama are as heartfelt as a grandmother’s hug. Here’s what they had to say:

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red-death-omen - NTA the ENTITLEMENT of some people astound me, it truly does. It was not her biological grandmother so I also don’t understand her issues. I believe that she is the golden child in that house and expects to have everything your daughter has.

I would actually ask your daughter if she feels like she is being treated fairly compared to her step sister. I’m actually angry at your ex wife, her new husband and the step sister for ruining a very special gift for your daughter.

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Pale_Natural3655 - NTA. Who would want something like that from a total stranger? It was a very sweet gift on your mom's part, and your daughter shouldn't feel bad about having it.

dnjprod - NTA: your daughter is stuck with an entitled stepsister. Your ex FORCES your daughter to bring her step-sister to her grandma's house for her visits? It's one thing if she's invited, but come on. Now she expects to have a personalized recording from a woman

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who she barely knew that tolerated her to be polite so she could see her grand-daughter. What an entitled asshat your ex is and that family is raising an entitled daughter as well. You are not an a**hole, neither is your daughter or mom.

Ardeeke - NTA & your ex seems unhinged. it might be a good idea for her to keep the bear at your house until she goes off to uni or whatever--if the stepsister is this upset it's not impossible that she might throw it out or damage it,

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under the 'if I can't have something no one can' principle. If this was just a random bear you bought her, I wouldn't worry so much, but this one is literally irreplaceable.. Also see if you can get a copy of the recording on your phone or something, just in case.

Archangel_Of_Death - NTA. I was about to judge the a**hole because I assumed she was your step daughter, until I read the story. Your daughter....was forced to bring some stranger around her grandma and suddenly said stranger acts like they were family? This is ridiculous. Buy your daughter a coded safe to put the thing, because I'm pretty sure they're spiteful enough to try and take it or destroy it

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Cherrybomb162 - Absolutely NTA. But perhaps consider the relationship the stepsister had with your Mom may have meant more to her than you realise, she sounds like she was a lovely woman and step sister did stay at her house. Maybe gift her a framed photo or something?

I do think it’s been blown out of proportion by ex wife, but you don’t really ever know the depth of other people’s feelings or get to decide that based on your own experiences. I’m very sorry for your loss and it was a lovely gift, it will not be lessened by a further gift to stepsister and will probably make your daughter more comfortable at her Moms.

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aoyaaa - NTA. It’s not within the realm of your responsibilities (or your mother’s) to give someone completely unrelated to your family a gift. This step sister and your ex are assholes. How could they make that gift turn into something about them??? Absolutely unreasonable. Should tell your ex both she and her step daughter need to grow the f**k up.

[Reddit User] - NTA. Your ex is unhinged and HER step daughter is unreasonable. She wasn't even related to your mother. You did a very sweet thing, and nobody but the people making you and your daughter feel bad are assholes

vomitleg - I’m straying towards NAH or maybe INFO I’m not sure. The comments making out this 17 year old girl is an entitled brat don’t really sit right with me. We know that the step sister had to go along with Erica to her grandmothers because the ex made her. But there’s an assumption in some of the comments that the step sister made that happen that I don’t know if i agree with.

In my mind the ex just wanted some time without either of his kids so sent them off together and OP’s mom was generous enough to accept. As a kid you probably would start to feel close to someone you were spending a lot of vacation time with, for all we know this is the only grandparent figure that the step daughter had.

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It doesn’t feel that surprising to me that the step sister feels hurt that she didn’t get anything from the late grandmother whom in the last two years she’s spent quite a lot of time with (I feel like two years to a teenager seems like a lot greater time than when you get to middle age).

I also don’t think OP or her mother are assholes for not thinking of the step sister when making the gift because she’s not related to them and they may not have realised that the step daughter felt any bond (and again, even if they did, she’s not related to them so it’s not their job!).

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If anything the ex is TA because he set these events in motion by making her go to the grandmothers house in the first place and also hasn’t spoken to his daughter about why she hasn’t gotten a gift and probably damaging the relationship between her and Erica who also has done nothing wrong.. TL;DR: I don’t blame the stepsister for having feelings but I also don’t think that’s anyone’s fault

[Reddit User] - NTA, you should warn your daughter to keep the bear safe because i’m getting “I’m gonna destroy the bear or give it to step sister when daughter is gone” vibes from your ex

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These reactions carry weight, but do they fully capture the delicate balance of grief and blended family ties?

This story of a cherished bear and a family rift reveals the complex interplay of love, loss, and expectations. The father’s gift honored a deep bond, but the stepsister’s hurt and the ex-wife’s anger highlight blended family challenges. A small gesture might soothe the stepsister, yet Erica’s joy shouldn’t be dimmed. Have you ever faced tension over a deeply personal gift? Share your thoughts—what’s the line between honoring a bond and keeping family harmony?

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