AITA for not allowing my sister to see my son because of something she said months ago?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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A young mother’s joy at welcoming her newborn is overshadowed by a lingering family feud. At 21, she’s navigating the delicate balance of new parenthood while grappling with her older sister’s resentment, rooted in a childhood where sibling care stole her youth. The air is thick with tension as past grievances collide with present boundaries, leaving readers wondering: can family wounds heal, or do some cuts run too deep?

This story unfolds in a whirlwind of emotions—hurt, defiance, and the fierce instinct to protect a child. The Reddit post captures a raw moment where a new mom draws a line, sparking debates about loyalty, forgiveness, and the weight of unspoken apologies. It’s a tale that resonates with anyone who’s faced family drama head-on.

‘AITA for not allowing my sister to see my son because of something she said months ago?’

I have two older siblings. My brother, 32 and my sister, 33. I am 21. I found out i was pregnant last year. Everyone was more than happy for us and congratulated us. Everyone but my sister. My sister had to basically look after me and take on a third parent role and watch me on nights my parents worked or weekends they worked.

Because of that, she blamed me and hated me because i was the reason she lost her childhood. I’ve apologized countless times to her because this topic came up frequently but after a while i gave up trying to make it up to her for something i had no control over.

Over and over again i’d get phone calls out of the blue of her reminding me how much i fucked her childhood up and “had no remorse”. (Btw shout out to all of you older siblings who were forced to grow up too soon and look after your little siblings.).

When i announced my pregnancy my sister called me and ruined the moment by bringing up how she had to raise me, how she lost her childhood. Then, she started talking about my unborn child. Saying how i’m having my baby at an early age because i want him to raise his future little siblings like she had to.

She continued on how i’d never make a good mom because i didn’t grow up like she did. I finally had enough of her and went no contact. My son was born last month and everyone has gotten a chance to see him on facetime. My brother and parents were the only ones to see him in person.

My sister got in contact with my brother and told him to tell me when she can see him. I told him to tell her she isn’t allowed to see him because of the way she treated me when i was pregnant. I’m assuming she told our parents this because my dad wants me to let her see my baby. He said let bygones be bygones and stop living in the past and my mom agreed.

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My fiancé is on my side. My brother is more on her side and only thinks she should apologize for what she said about me being a bad mom (which she’s refused to apologize for because she insists she did nothing wrong) . Im not too keen on letting her see him still. I feel like i’m being an a**hole by not allowing her to see him, AITA?

Editing to add my brother also babysat me he always said it wasn’t as bad as my sister makes it out to be. (also adding he didn’t watch me as much as she did when he started to play sports) I barely remember my childhood days i just know she stopped looking after me once i was 8-9.

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This family saga is a classic case of misplaced blame tearing at bonds. The young mother’s decision to shield her son from her sister’s resentment is a bold move, but is it fair? The sister’s anger stems from parentification—a term for when children are forced into adult roles too soon. Her harsh words about the new mom’s parenting reflect unresolved trauma, not truth.

Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, notes, “Unresolved conflict can create a cycle of blame that poisons relationships” (source: Gottman Institute). Here, the sister’s refusal to apologize keeps the wound fresh. The mother’s no-contact stance protects her peace but risks further family strain. Both sides have valid feelings: the sister’s loss of childhood is real, yet her verbal attacks are unjust.

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This situation mirrors broader issues of family dynamics. A 2019 study from the Journal of Family Psychology found that 30% of siblings report unresolved conflicts from childhood impacting adult relationships. The mother’s choice reflects a growing trend of setting boundaries to prioritize mental health. Therapy could help the sister redirect her anger toward their parents, who failed to balance responsibilities.

For now, the mother should stand firm but leave room for dialogue if the sister seeks help. Family therapy, as suggested by experts at Psychology Today, could untangle this knot. Clear communication and mutual accountability are key to mending ties without sacrificing self-respect.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

Reddit’s hive mind didn’t hold back, delivering a mix of empathy and sharp takes. Here’s what the community had to say:

Consistent-Leopard71 − NTA. Your sister is understandably angry, but her anger is misplaced. She should be angry with your parents. Your parents forced her to give up her childhood to become a 3rd parent to you. The things she has said to you are unacceptable.

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She should seek therapy and apologize to you. Your parents are on her side because she is blaming you for their abuse. It's your child and your choice who has a relationship with him. You have done nothing wrong. Congrats on your little one!. EDIT: Thank you to all of the redditors who very generously gave me awards!!!!!

Ghinou1204 − NTA. Your parents say 'let bygones be bygones' ? They should tell that to your sister, not to you.

CremeDeMarron − NTA let me say it out loud OP : **YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR RUINING HER CHILDHOOD** : your parents are. You are **doing the right thing** when you **don t allow her to see your baby** : you are a **mother who is protecting her child** .

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Your sister **definetly** has **issues** that she should deal with **therapy** and **confrontation with your parents**. She **wrongly blame** all of her **issues, angryness resent feelings and frustation into you** .Plus she **didn t apologize** to you : she **thought she was right** so if you allow her again in your life **her behaviour toward you won t change at all**.

Focus on your family , and **keep** people who are **supporting you** with only **positive thoughts/attitude**.Let you parents and brother know that **they have to respect your no contact decision** and they have to **stop pushing you** .The family / let the past behind card is **bs** .

mckinnos − NTA. If she can’t forget about the distant past, why should you have to forget about the recent past? She does not sound genuinely remorseful or apologetic. Why would you want someone so mean to you (when REALLY she should be mad at your parents) around your baby?

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Duukt − NTA whether you reconcile with your sister or not. It is odd that she blames you for the parentifaction forced on her by HER parents. Was your brother not made to do the same or was he not involved in raising you because he's male?

Superb-Building-8701 − Honestly, you sister ITAH by like 40%, the biggest AH are your parents. They took away your sisters childhood, not you. Her blame for that is misplaced. She should be angry at your parents, since you know, they are the ones that are supposed to raise you! She is the AH for being so rude and misplacing the blame.

I can understand that she is angry and couldn't control the situation when she was younger, but now she is grown up and have to be responsible for her emotional respons. Does she have children? Could she also be jealous? I feel the blame is way to misplaced! Your parents should also STFU, they do not get to walk away from the problem THEY created.

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[Reddit User] − NTA. Firstly, it’s not your fault your sister didn’t have a childhood. If anything, she should be blaming your parents. Secondly, her assumption that you will be a bad mum because you didn’t have to babysit anyone doesn’t even make any sense! By that logic, every person without younger siblings are crap parents.

Bloody ironic for your dad insisting that you “let bygones be bygones” when your sister has spent her entire life holding this grudge.. So until YOU are comfortable being in contact with your sister, she just has to bloody wait. Side note: I am 14 years older than my youngest sibling and never had I held a grudge for babysitting. The only awkward thing was people assuming I was a teenage mum (of multiple children lol)

StrawberryAstre − NTA. * *'Because of that, she blamed me and hated me because i was the reason she lost her childhood'* What is wrong with her, she should blame **YOUR PARENTS** not you? * *' I’m assuming she told our parents this because my dad wants me to let her see my baby. He said let bygones be bygones and stop living in the past and my mom agreed '*

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It is super easy to say that, when she is putting all their mistakes on you. Also, watching your brothers and sisters **once in a while** is normal? What did she want you to do? Not be born? You're definitely not guilty on this and you have the right to not want to deal with someone who uses you as an emotional punshing ball to avoid her own difficulties.

MandaDian − NTA. Your dad needs to give that advice to your sister and tell her to apologize to you. If she still has this resentment towards you all these years later, I wouldn’t trust her not to be a d**k to the baby.

Hollow_Vegetable − It’s not only for the way she treated you while pregnant, this situation was years in the making. Your sister blaming you for her lost childhood is a projection. You apologizing for something you had no control over, allowed her to make you into the “villain of the picture”.

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You should have never apologized for it and that is something you need to tell your parents and your sister.. They want it to be over, as a bare minimum you should ask them to: 1. Your parents need to apologize for their complete parenting failure.

First by their parentification of your sister by pushing their parental duties on her. And second by standing by all those years that she was verbally abusive towards you, not intervening or putting a stop to it, and admitting their own culpability.

How can they stand by and let her abuse you, while knowing it was their fault it all happened? How do they rationalize it? If this happened purely out of economic reasons, and there was really no other way around it, they still need to fess up to your sister and find a way to make it up to her.

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For too long they have been happy to let this situation “fester” until it was brought to a halt by you. You finally decided to put an end to it and now they need to find a way out of it that no longer includes your sister venting on you and you taking the blame for it.

2. It’s on your parents to “fix“ what they broke. They need to go to therapy with your sister and work on repairing their broken relationship. Help your sister let go of her anger, and “put it behind her”, instead of requesting you do it because it easier for everyone.

3. Your sister needs to apologize for all those years spent verbally and emotionally abusing you. Your going NC is only a mechanism to protect yourself and your family from her verbal abuse. However, it seems that her h**red towards you is because she views you as the favorite daughter who had all of the advantages growing up, while she was the only one required to make “sacrifices”.

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Note that your brother was not expected to make the same sacrifices, so it was a completely unfair treatment by your parents towards her.. Only after that happens, then you can start re-building your relationship with your sister.

These opinions spark a question: do they echo real-world complexities, or are they just armchair judgments?

This tale of sibling strife and new motherhood highlights the delicate dance of setting boundaries while navigating family expectations. The young mother’s stand is a testament to prioritizing her child’s peace, but it leaves open the question of reconciliation. Can the sisters find common ground, or will past wounds keep them apart? What would you do if faced with a family member’s unresolved resentment? Share your thoughts and experiences below!

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