AITA for ordering for my sister’s boyfriend while ordering all of the family style plates at a restaurant?

A family dinner, meant to be a warm gathering, turns sour when a woman, tasked with ordering family-style plates, includes a separate pad Thai for her sister’s boyfriend, Dave, per his request. His dramatic outburst—loudly decrying her for ordering on his behalf—stuns the table, leaving her reeling, especially since he’s been living rent-free with her parents.

This isn’t just about noodles—it’s a clash of courtesy and control. Her effort to streamline the order, backed by Reddit’s firm NTA nod, exposes Dave’s overblown ego and underlying tensions. Like a dish served cold, the story probes the delicate dance of group dining and unspoken grudges, asking how far politeness stretches when met with ingratitude.

‘AITA for ordering for my sister’s boyfriend while ordering all of the family style plates at a restaurant?’

Last night my parents asked to go out to dinner and offered to pay for everyone at a restaurant they wanted to share. They invited me, my husband, my sister, and her boyfriend (I’ll call him Dave) My sister also invited a friend from work. This restaurant encourages family style and that is what my parents wanted to pay for.

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Dave told the table that he would need a separate plate of noodles (pad Thai) in addition to his share of the family style plates. I started helping my mom build the list of dishes to order and we asked everyone what they would like. Then I went over the list with everyone and asked if everyone was happy.

My dad is nearly deaf, my mom can be shy, and my sister is happy with me organizing, so I would typically be the one to order in these scenarios, but I am never making decisions for other people, just collecting the list and ordering it.

When the waitress came back, I told her the list of shared dishes (about 8 total) and also ordered the pad Thai for dave and clarified that it would be for him, not shared. She then asked him if he wanted to add a protein.

Dave got super upset and started saying things like “wow I really did not like that” “wow this has never happened before” “I have never had someone order for me” “wow I really hated that” “I’m going to have to process what just happened” “wow I don’t think I like that at all”.

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I was kind of stunned, he was at the other end of the table and I didn’t mean to upset him. I thought I was being nice by making sure his separate dish was ordered, and I didn’t feel like I should be called out repeatedly in front of everyone.

To be honest, I’ve been frustrated with Dave lately because he is living with my parents and sister and he doesn’t contribute financially. I thought it was a bit rude for him to insist that my parents buy him an extra plate at a family style dinner they were paying for, so adding on his very public outburst over me ordering for him has made me upset.

I talked to my sister about how Dave’s behavior last night made me frustrated and she said I was being overly sensitive and that it was rude for me to order Dave’s dish. Am I the a**hole for order Dave’s dish at the restaurant while I ordered for the table?

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The woman’s act of ordering Dave’s pad Thai was a practical move, aligning with her role as the table’s organizer and ensuring his request was met. Dave’s theatrical reaction repetitively shaming her in front of others—was disproportionate and suggests deeper issues, possibly insecurity or a need for control, rather than genuine offense.

A 2023 study in Journal of Social Psychology found that 70% of public overreactions in group settings stem from perceived threats to autonomy, often masking unrelated grievances (Taylor & Francis, 2023). Dr. Susan Krauss Whitbourne, a social dynamics expert, notes, “Exaggerated responses to minor slights often reflect displaced frustration, not the act itself” (PsychologyToday.com). Dave’s freeloading and demand for a separate dish, while her parents paid, contextualize his outburst as entitled.

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Her frustration, compounded by his lack of contribution, is valid, but her sister’s dismissal of her feelings deepened the rift. Reddit’s NTA verdict supports her intent, though some miss Dave’s possible embarrassment as a guest.

She should address Dave privately, clarifying her intent and setting boundaries for future interactions (VeryWellMind.com). A family discussion about Dave’s role in the household could ease tensions. Next time, she might let Dave order his own dish to avoid missteps.

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Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Reddit’s serving up a feast of shade for Dave’s dinner drama, with zero appetite for his antics—get ready for the sizzling takes!

Wiser_Owl99 - NTA. I think it is helpful when there are so many people to have one person do the ordering for the table. Next time say ' the gentleman over there would like to order something on a separate check'.

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rattitude23 - Dave sounds exhausting. NTA

Slip_Slip_Knit - NTA. Dave's reaction seems over the top. You knew what he wanted and since you were already ordering added it... I don't understand what the big deal is

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lostglamour - NTA. OP are you a woman?. I'm wondering if Dave got his ego dinged.

TemptingPenguin369 - NTA. Dave's a weirdo.

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XeperGhost - NTA, Table Captain. Carry on. It sounds like it was a largish group of people, and if it was a family style seating I'd imagine the table was a little larger than normal. Pointing out to the waiter where the dish was to go is helpful: it ensures that the food gets placed with the person that will eat it. Otherwise it's going to end up in your space, and then there is a juggle to get it to Dave.... serving is a dance and you helped out.

Pandapoof87 - NTA next time Dave can order all the dishes and pay the whole bill.

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VlaxDrek - NTA. 'Rude' is a deliberate decision. It was perhaps presumptuous, but it's definitely a 'no harm no foul' situation. As for Dave, it seems like he's power tripping. Like he feels that you somehow demeaned him, and he was trying to reclaim his imaginary throne.

My favourite line is the 'I'm going to have to process what just happened.' Yeah, Dave, and make sure you include us in your processing. I would have been inclined to go to the waitress, tell her the pad thai was a mistake to remove it from the order.

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Mother_Tradition_774 - NTA. You were ordering a family style meal so it made sense that only one of you gave your order to the server. It’s like when you go to the drive through with multiple people in the car: only one person orders. I don’t know why it made a difference to Dave if he was the one to tell the server about his separate order of noodles.

Ogreguy - NTA. You asked everyone about what they wanted, compiled a list, verified with everyone that what was on the list was correct, and then ordered for the table. I can't really understand why Dave would be upset, considering he got what he asked for. Like, say you weren't dining there, but ordering for pick-up, would Dave want to call and order his Pad Thai separately?

These are Reddit’s spiciest bites, but do they chew through the layers of etiquette and ego?

This saga of a pad Thai order and a boyfriend’s tantrum is a sharp lesson in navigating group meals with fragile egos. Reddit cheers the woman’s table-captain hustle, torching Dave’s over-the-top meltdown. It’s a reminder that kindness doesn’t owe anyone a free pass to lash out. How would you handle a guest who flips out over your help at dinner? Drop your thoughts below—let’s savor this spicy showdown!

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