AITA because I refuse to take money from our child’s part time job paycheque?

Picture a cozy family dinner in a gleaming two-story home, the kind built with dreams and a hefty mortgage. Laughter fills the air, but tension simmers as a couple debates their teen’s future paycheck. The OP, a devoted mom, stands her ground, refusing to let her 13-year-old son’s hard-earned cash chip away at household bills. Her husband, shaped by his own past of pitching in, sees it differently. It’s a clash of love, duty, and dollars—leaving readers wondering: who’s right?

This Reddit saga pulls us into a relatable family dilemma, where financial pressures meet parenting principles. The OP’s fierce protectiveness sparks a debate about whether teens should bear adult burdens or savor their fleeting youth. With bills looming and a dream home at stake, the story hooks us with its raw emotion and moral tug-of-war.

‘AITA because I refuse to take money from our child’s part time job paycheque?’

My husband and I have a 13 year old. We live comfortably and admit it can get tight sometimes because we pay for piano lessons and braces. We also have prescription d**g costs to manage and live in an expensive city. A few years ago we decided to rebuild our house.

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And add a second floor addition to stay in the city (our other option was to move to the boonies for more space for almost the same amount of money, as house costs are crazy these days). So we rebuilt the house and then life kept going (meaning, bills, everything continued). We always have food on the table but we are always paying mortgage/groceries/bills and have barely anything leftover most months.

We don’t go on big vacations. Now here’s the AITA part. Our son expressed he wants to get a part time job at age 16 so he can buy more outside food for lunch (I pack him lunch and give him money to eat out a few times a month., but he wants to eat out more often with his friends during school), buy more things he wants.

Now we buy him gifts on Christmas and birthdays (we got him a ps4 a few years ago and a game on his bday and we buy him clothes he needs). He wants to have extra pocket money. We thought about it and said he can work only if he will keep track of his studies, might give him some financial responsibility, Then my husband said “once he works, he will chip into this household.

He will pay like 100-200 a month.” And I’m like “hell no, I won’t take money from my minimum wage earning child!” My husband always chipped in and helped his parents pay mortgage, they were never very well off. I’m not saying that’s a bad thing he did, but we both work and it was our choice to rebuild this house to be a 2 story dream house and not our son’s responsibility to pay for it.

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AITA because I won’t take any money from my son? Husband says I spoil him, and I think I definitely don’t! I wish I could buy him more things but I give him only on special occasions. In laws say I am babying him. A few friends sided with me, some sided with husband saying it will build character. AITA? Am I babying or spoiling him?

Edit: thank you for everyone’s responses! I read through them all. I’m going to stay firm and say we won’t take any of his money. We will, as we have always done, encourage he continues saving in his bank account. We will continue to teach financial responsibility.. I liked the ideas of offering incentives like matching his college fund contributions.

This family’s clash over a teen’s earnings feels like a sitcom plot with real-world stakes. The OP’s refusal to take her son’s money pits her against her husband’s old-school “chip in” mentality, rooted in his own childhood. While the husband sees it as character-building, the OP views it as unfair to a minor. Both sides have merit, but the heart of the issue lies in balancing financial lessons with a kid’s right to be a kid.

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This dilemma reflects a broader question: should teens contribute to household expenses? According to a 2021 Pew Research Center study, 45% of U.S. parents expect teens to work part-time, but only 10% require contributions to household costs. Forcing a minor to pay bills can blur the line between responsibility and burden, especially when parents choose costly upgrades like a home rebuild.

Dr. Laura Markham, a parenting expert, notes, “Teens need to learn financial responsibility, but it’s the parents’ job to provide shelter and basics until adulthood”. Her perspective aligns with the OP’s stance—kids should save or spend their earnings on personal goals, not family debts. Markham suggests parents encourage saving, like matching college fund contributions, to foster independence without resentment.

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For the OP, a solution lies in compromise: let the son work, but guide him to save a portion (say, 20%) for future goals, like college or a car. This teaches fiscal discipline without making him feel like a tenant. Parents can also model budgeting by openly discussing household finances, preparing him for adulthood without demanding his paycheck.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Reddit’s peanut gallery didn’t hold back, dishing out candid takes with a side of humor. Here’s what the community had to say:

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memx12 − NTA. Your child is a minor and as his parents you are to provide him with housing, food and clothing. He should not have to help pay for that.. Now for his extras and entertainment, sure he should pay. And he knows it hence wanting a job.. Your husband is out of line.

wind-river7 − NTA. I didn't take money from my daughters. but expected them to pay certain expenses and all of their entertainment.

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valerian_spiel − NTA. Of course your inlaws are going to support taking your son's money to pay the mortgage - that's where your husband got this bright idea in the first place.

rmric0 − NTA. I would hardly call providing for your child and letting them keep the money they earn at a part-time job 'spoiling' them, like maybe if he was taking that money and putting it into lik ea college savings account or something - I'd understand that.

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eugenesnewdream − NTA. A 13-year-old (or 16-year-old, or anything in between) should not be contributing to household expenses. I started working at 15 and I liked having my own money to buy stuff like your son mentioned--more fun lunch/snacks, plus I'd buy more expensive shoes/clothes than I wanted to ask my parents to pay for, etc.

It WOULD be fair to make him save a percentage of his earnings. My parents didn't, but I know of parents who did/do and I think it's OK. Not a huge percentage, but something. But that's still saving it for HIMSELF, not to pitch in at home. And you'll still benefit from his making some of his own money, because you'll have to pay for fewer extras.

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TeemReddit − NTA. It's your job to provide food, clothing, and shelter, not your son's. If he gets a job, he should be able to spend it on how he wants, maybe have him set aside money for college or savings, but no way should he be basically paying rent.

ArgonianMofo − NTA, your husband should be proud that your son wants more personal responsibilities such as getting a job so he can buy things himself rather than ask his parents.

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RiverRedhead − NTA. Charging him if he works (as a minor) actively discourages from working and learning about financial responsibility.

AholeFan − NTA. Sounds like if you hadn't made a decision to extend, you be in 'need' of extra, and that you don't really need the extra if everyone is fed and bills are paid. Of course you buy your child clothes, that's part of the job when they are minors.

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A PS4 at Christmas and a game for birthdays doesn't really sound like spoiling to me either, if you are not put in financial struggle by it. A PS4 for hours of entertainment is a fairly good investment per hour, if they really love it, meanwhile there's some kids throwing tantrums cos they didn't get PS5s immediately.

If he was truly spoiled, he would be demanding you give him more money for eating out with friends, not politely asking to get a job, and agreeing to the proviso about schoolwork coming first. I have no problem with 18 year olds paying some rent, it's good practice for paying 'real' rent, but adults who have kids sign up to cover costs for the first 18 years. They don't have kids to part-fund their extensions.

terra_terror − NTA. Do not make underage kids pay rent or bills. Let him enjoy the couple years he has before he is an adult. Once he is 18, you and your husband can look over everything again and consider it. However, you should make sure your son saves some of his money instead of spending it all. He is going to need it in the future.

These Reddit hot takes are spicy, but do they hold water? Some cheer the OP’s protective streak, while others nod to the husband’s logic. Either way, the debate’s a lively one, proving family finances are never just about money.

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This Reddit tale leaves us pondering: where’s the line between teaching responsibility and preserving childhood? The OP’s stand feels like a love letter to her son’s youth, while her husband’s push for contribution echoes a tougher, older-school ethos. Both want the best for their kid, but their paths diverge. What would you do if your teen’s paycheck sparked a family feud? Share your thoughts—have you faced a similar dilemma, or would you side with the OP or her husband?

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