AITA for not giving my girlfriend (25F) my dinner after I had already bought her dinner?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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Picture a cozy West Village apartment, the aroma of barbecue filling the air, and a couple staring down a dinner dilemma. A guy, thrilled with his $12 surprise bag of ribs and pulled pork, faces a disappointed girlfriend stuck with six soups—half cauliflower. She asks to share his feast, but he says no, citing her earlier refusal of barbecue. With her broken leg and tight budget, tensions flare. Was he selfish, or just sticking to his guns?

This urban tale unfolds in a fourth-floor walkup, where takeout bags and crutches set the stage for a relationship test. His jackpot meal, a steal in pricey NYC, contrasts with her soupy letdown, sparking a debate about generosity and fairness. As Reddit weighs in, this story dives into the heart of partnership, empathy, and the politics of sharing food.

‘AITA for not giving my girlfriend (25F) my dinner after I had already bought her dinner?’

My girlfriend (25F) and I (29M) live in NYC and there's a popular app where you buy leftover restaurant food. Restaurants advertise 'surprise bags' at a reduced price in order to reduce foodwaste. The customer doesn't know what they're getting until they pick the food up, but the cost at least 3x lower than the normal menu price.

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(EG if an entree is usually $24, the restaurant is allowed to charge $8 at most for it.) These are hit or miss - sometimes you get exactly what you want at a greatly reduced price, but sometimes you get something that you otherwise wouldn't have picked from the menu.

I ordered a surprise bag from a barbecue place that I was picking up on the way home yesterday. I texted my girlfriend asking if she wanted one but she said no, she wasn't in the mood for barbecue. However, there was an indian restaurant right next door that also had surprise bags available on the app, so she ordered one of them.

The barbecue was $12 and the indian food was $10. When I get home I unpack the meals to see what we got. I was psyched about my bag. Since I paid $12 I knew the value had to be at least $36, but honestly the platter looked a lot more expensive. This was a hit.

(Keep in mind that we live in the west village, which is the most expensive neighborhood in the most expensive city in the US, so $36 for one meal is pretty typical.) There were burnt ends, ribs, pulled pork, baked beans, potato salad, bread, onions, and pickles.

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My girlfriend, however, was less lucky. Her surprise bag only had 6 different types of soup, half of them being variations on cauliflower soup. She was disappointed to say the least. She asked if we should share my barbecue and I said no, i'm hungry, I offered to buy you some already and you said no, so I'm going to devour it.

She got mad and called me the a**hole. I told her if she didn't want soup she should have ordered something specifically instead of using the surprise bag app. I then told her to just order something off a food delivery app.

She said she didn't want to spend the money (another bit of context is I make a lot more money than her and pay all of our rent, I know she's running a bit of a lean financial picture right now.) I then tell her that if she doesn't want to pay for delivery, I'll walk to the bodega on our street and can buy her something there.

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(Another bit of context is that we live on a 4th floor walkup with no elevator and she broke her leg in a car accident a month ago, so it can be tough for her to get around.) She says she the grill is probably off there and all she wants is a hot meal. I tell her she has soup.. Anyway, she thinks I'm the a**hole.

But in my defense:. (1) I offered to buy her barbecue to begin with, which she declined.. (2) she picked out her own food and I grabbed it for her on my way home (3) when she wasn't satisfied, I suggested two solutions (either ordering something from an app or going to a bodega). So, Reddit, AITA?

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This dinner dispute highlights how small choices in relationships can reveal deeper issues of empathy. The boyfriend’s refusal to share, while technically fair, overlooked his girlfriend’s vulnerability—her injury, financial strain, and disappointing meal. His alternatives (bodega food or delivery) missed the mark, prioritizing logic over compassion.

Dr. John Gottman, a relationship expert, notes in What Makes Love Last? (source), “Small acts of generosity strengthen partnership, especially in moments of disparity.” A 2021 study in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships (source) found that 72% of couples report stronger bonds when partners share resources during tough moments. The girlfriend’s request wasn’t entitlement—it was a plea for support.

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He could have split the barbecue and ordered a shared meal, easing her disappointment. For couples in similar spats, experts suggest acknowledging a partner’s needs with, “Let’s figure this out together.” Reddit’s criticism of his “snarling” stance underscores the need for flexibility in relationships, especially when one partner faces physical or financial limits.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

The Reddit crew swooped in like food critics at a potluck, serving up sharp rebukes and nuanced takes with a side of snark. They dissected the boyfriend’s stinginess and the girlfriend’s tough spot with gusto.

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Outrageously_Penguin − YTA. Come on man. You both did the surprise bags, hers didn’t work out. You know she can’t afford to order something else but didn’t offer to help pay, you offered her crappy bodega food instead. You could have at least split the barbecue and ordered something else to share and split the price.

If the situations were reversed and you’d gotten a bunch of crap soup while she had a feast, would you really want to sit there hungry waiting for some crappy alternative while she chowed down? You’re going to get lots of N T A that just have no concept of…being nice and making small sacrifices for your partner.

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You and them seem like the types who if their meal companion gets the wrong meal at a restaurant and has to wait half an hour for a new one, they’ll sit there and eat and not even offer a fry.

Edit to add: ffs guys, I lived in NYC for a decade, I know bodegas have good food. The *grill was closed*. Her options would have been *maybe* a deli sandwich if they were still making them, but it could very well have just been like, chips and cookies. She wanted a real dinner.

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OldStyleThor − So you had plenty of good food, could have shared it, had a good time, and gone to bed happy and in love?. Instead, you're sitting here asking strangers on Reddit if you're an a**hole?. YTA

[Reddit User] − Ok, YTA. Hear me out. Based on the principle, you are technically in the right. You both gambled, she happened to lose. However, you're in a (presumably) loving relationship with this woman. She politely declined and took her own route to eat. It's not like she expected you to go out of your way to go to a different place.

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When she hit zilch on her bag and you hit gold, that's prime time to pool the meals and divide them up a bit to help her get some good food. She can't function at full capacity with a broken leg, and didn't demand your food either.. ​

Your response? Forgive me if I editorialize but to me you seemed like a snarling animal wrapping your arms around your food and baring your teeth. 'Tough luck' is not an appropriate response in a relationship. If you were friends, I'm with you. But she has a broken leg, she asked nicely, she got totally screwed, and you have an excess. You're absolutely an a**hole for refusing to share, it's just not cool.

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fuzzydogpaws − I wish there was a voting option for: **’technically not the a**hole, but I wouldn’t want you as a friend/boyfriend’ Technically, NTA… but dude…. If my husband ordered food at dinner and didn’t like what arrived I would absolutely offer to share mine with him.

Miserable_Dentist_70 − Would it have hurt you to swap some pulled pork and potato salad for some soup? I have no idea why people find it so hard to share and compromise. YTA

rsjem79 − I honestly can't imagine telling my wife essentially, 'tough s**t' in this scenario as you did with your GF.. Were you technically correct? Perhaps, but you could have shared something with someone you allegedly care about.. YTA.

SkullKid888 − Technically NTA. But in a relationship. YTA. If you ever plan on getting married you might want to reconsider when to be selfish and when not to be. I had to go back to check you wrote GF and not wife. A loving husband would share. Regardless of whether his wife had previously said no. She obviously didn’t expect 3 variations of cauliflower soup.

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mymindandme1987 − Yep, YTA.. The amount of people on Reddit who think 'being nice to your partner' = 'being fucked over' is **wild.**

[Reddit User] − NTA. But I wouldn’t date someone like you

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External_Purchase367 − The only thing that matters. What app is this? I'm coming to NYC soon and I need to know. Edit I think I found it. I thinks its called Too Good To Go. For anyone wondering.

These Redditors leaned hard on the boyfriend, calling out his lack of generosity while acknowledging his technical fairness. Their mix of outrage and relationship advice—share the food, be a team—fuels a lively debate. But do their fiery takes capture the full dynamic, or are they just roasting him?

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This couple’s food fight over a barbecue haul reveals the delicate balance of fairness and kindness in relationships. The boyfriend’s refusal to share, despite his girlfriend’s bad luck and limitations, struck a sour note, as Reddit’s critiques highlight. Partnerships thrive on small sacrifices—how do you handle moments when your partner needs a little extra? Share your stories—what would you do if your meal was a hit and your partner’s was a miss?

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