AITA for telling my wife to get a second job?

A husband’s quiet work-from-home routine faces upheaval when his wife’s sister, Jordan, a serial couch-crasher with two toddlers, begs to move in after another breakup. His firm no—rooted in Jordan’s history of unpaid loans and chaos—leads to a spousal standoff when his wife offers to rent her a place, only to balk at footing the bill alone, prompting his blunt suggestion: get a second job.

This isn’t just a family spat—it’s a tug-of-war over boundaries and bucks. His stand to protect their finances, while harsh, wins Reddit’s applause for halting Jordan’s freeloading. Like a budget stretched thin, the story probes the messy clash of loyalty, love, and tough love, making us wonder where duty to family ends and personal peace begins.

‘AITA for telling my wife to get a second job?’

Me (30M) and Sarah (28F) have been married for 3 years now. She has a sister Jordan (27F) who is a train wreck. She has kids (2 and 1) by diffident dads. Can never hold a steady job and jumps relationship to relationship. Sarah and Jordan have always been close with Sarah being a great aunt to Jordan’s kids.

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Jordan has lived with us before whenever she’s between boyfriends, but this was before she had kids. Sarah has given money to Jordan before when she’s asked for it. Something Sarah/Jordan’s own parents won’t do anymore because they grew sick of Jordan’s act. So Jordan calls my wife and tells her that she needs to move out of her boyfriends place.

She ask if she can move in to our place for a couple weeks (she’s said this before and was four months). Sarah tells her she will ask me first. I refuse. I work from home, I don’t want Jordan and her kids running around the house while I work, I’m not a huge fan of kids and I just didn’t want to do it.

Sarah then says that if I won’t let her stay here then she’ll rent her a place. I say that is fine but it needs to come out of her money. We have our finances split, with a joint account for household bills. And a fun money account for the both of us. Sarah says she can’t afford to pay for rent/groceries for Jordan along with our bills.

I tell her too bad, I’m not giving Jordan more money (I’ve done this before and not been paid back). Sarah says she’s not gonna let Jordan be homeless. I tell her that she can do whatever she wants but needs to cover her half of the bills. If she wants to she can get a second job to cover it. I think I’m being harsh but I don’t want to go down this road with Jordan again. AITA?

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The husband’s refusal to house or fund Jordan is a reasonable boundary, protecting his home and finances from her pattern of instability. His suggestion that his wife get a second job, while blunt, underscores their split finances and his unwillingness to enable Jordan further. Sarah’s urge to rescue her sister, though compassionate, risks perpetuating dependency.

A 2023 study in Family Relations found that 55% of familial financial support cases involve enabling behaviors, delaying self-sufficiency (Wiley, 2023). Dr. John Townsend, a boundaries expert, notes, “Helping family must align with mutual accountability, or it fosters resentment and dependency” (Boundaries.me). Sarah’s history of bailing out Jordan mirrors this trap, while the husband’s stance aims to break the cycle.

Jordan’s kids complicate the moral math, but her refusal to stabilize her life shifts responsibility to her, not the couple. Reddit’s NTA lean backs his logic, though some miss Sarah’s emotional bind.

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They should negotiate a compromise, like limited aid with a clear end date, and explore social services for Jordan (Benefits.gov). Couples counseling could align their values on family support. Sarah might propose Jordan seek job training to build independence.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Reddit’s dishing out some spicy takes on this sister-in-law saga, with zero patience for Jordan’s antics—grab a seat for the shade!

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sickofdriving007 − NTA. Jordan behaves the way she does because your wife enables her. It's time that she grows up and learns to be responsible.

PotentialityKnocks − NTA. You offered your wife reasonable solutions. The only other option is that you sacrifice resources to either house or pay to house three people. Edit: I will note that her kids’ paternity is irrelevant. More relevant is that she seems to not be taking steps to be financially solvent herself

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0biterdicta − NTA. There is old adage 'Don't set yourself on fire to keep others warm'. It's completely understandable your wife does not want to let her sister or her kids suffer, but her sister is also a grown adult who needs to learn to take care of herself and her children.

Pikkusika − NTA. You need to protect you and yours before others, and your sister-in-law falls into the other category. She needs to start making better choices, and this may be the way to do so.

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tisquares − NTA to me. Your wife is sympathetic, yes, but this can lead to her not recognizing Jordan might be intentionally leeching from you. Putting your foot down can be good in situations like these. Does Jordan just have a disdain for work? You could try sitting her down, talking about interests, and help find a job that genuinely holds her passion.

Ok_Individual9340 − NTA. It’s not your job to financially support anyone but yourself and your spouse. I would be feeling the same way as you. You both probably need to sit down and have a real honest conversation about this though because it will continue to strain your marriage if y’all can’t get on the same page.

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[Reddit User] − Nta my dads brother tried that once. Mom told him the same thing, 'I'm not paying for YOUR lay about brother. You want to? Go for it. Its 100% your money that will be used'

[Reddit User] − NTA for me. It seems that plenty of people have given her monetary support but it’s come to no avail. You’re perfectly within your right to not want to help, therefore if your wife does want to help she needs to find means to do so.

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fedUP72 − NTA Jordan is an adult with children and needs to be responsible for herself and her children. It sounds like she's always been bailed out and been able to count on your wife to do that. That isn't fair to you or your wife.

I might suggest helping for a month and leaving it at that. Otherwise it is just going to be forever bouncing between you and your wife and Mr Right-now. The children deserve better...Jordan needs to grow up...sink or swim...tough love.

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cinnamngrl − NTA, but maybe there are social services that can help Jordan. Perhaps she should do some research first. In my city family shelter placements are sometimes hotel rooms or even regular apartments.

These are Reddit’s boldest jabs, but do they balance the heart and hustle of family ties?

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This tale of a husband’s hard line and a wife’s soft heart is a masterclass in guarding your peace without burning bridges. Reddit cheers his no to Jordan’s chaos, urging Sarah to stop enabling. It’s a reminder that love shouldn’t mean endless handouts, especially when kids are caught in the crossfire. How would you handle a relative who keeps leaning on your wallet? Spill your thoughts below—let’s unpack this family fiasco!

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