AITA for yelling at my aunt to shut up in front of a restaurant full of people?

Shirley Stafford Hours
Comments 0 Comments

In a sizzling Japanese steakhouse, where flames dance on hibachi grills, a 30-year-old man’s birthday dinner took a fiery turn. The air was thick with anticipation, not just for the meal but for a long-simmering family grudge. For 25 years, his aunt has relentlessly teased him about a childhood moment when a grill’s blaze sent him scampering to a corner. Despite his pleas, she wouldn’t let it go, turning his special night into a stage for old wounds.

The tension boiled over when she mocked him again, this time in front of a crowded restaurant. His outburst silenced the room, but left him questioning—was he wrong to snap? Readers can’t help but feel the sting of embarrassment and the weight of unspoken boundaries, wondering how far is too far when family pushes your buttons.

‘AITA for yelling at my aunt to shut up in front of a restaurant full of people?’

When I (30M) was 5, my family took me to one of those Japanese steakhouses where they cook the food at your table. When the cook lit the grill and the huge flame shot up into the air, it scared the heck out of me and I ran and hid in the corner and was too afraid to come back to the table.

ADVERTISEMENT

My aunt, (64F) has teased me about that ever since. That was twenty-five years ago and I swear she brings it up every single time I see her! I've told her repeatedly to stop talking about it. My parents have also asked her to stop bringing it up to no avail.

It's gotten so tiresome and embarrassing and she teases me about it in front of the whole family despite me repeatedly telling her to stop.. ​I've never really gotten along well with my aunt and lately I've made it a point to avoid her at family gatherings. We celebrated my birthday Friday and I wanted to go to one of those Japanese steakhouses.

I didn't invite my aunt but my grandmother invited her behind my back. I didn't know she was coming until she showed up. I was already pissed off that my grandmother invited her (she told me that my aunt is family and I cant just exclude her from everything) but as soon as we sat down, my aunt started ribbing me about that incident when I was five.

I told her to stop bringing it up and my mom told her to stop as well, but when the cook was fixing to light the hibachi, she asked me in this really condescending way 'You sure you don't wanna go hide in the corner for old time's sake?'. I finally just lost my temper and went off on her right there in front of the whole restaurant.

ADVERTISEMENT

I basically yelled at her 'Will you just shut up about that already? That was 25 years ago! Is that literally all you have to talk about? I'm sick of hearing about it! This is why I didn't invite you!' . I swear the entire restaurant must have been staring at me and I felt like just walking out.

The entire rest of the dinner was awkward and I couldn't even enjoy my meal. After we left my grandmother told me that I embarrassed her in front of everyone and that my outburst was completely uncalled for and that I owed my aunt an apology.

My parents told me I didn't owe my aunt anything and were angry at my grandmother for inviting her, but I still feel like an a**hole for losing my temper and yelling in front of the restaurant, and the whole thing was deeply embarrassing. My grandmother and my aunt are also both blasting me on Facebook for embarrassing them in public. So AITA?

ADVERTISEMENT

Family gatherings can feel like navigating a minefield, especially when old grudges resurface. This man’s clash with his aunt highlights a classic case of boundary violations. Her relentless teasing, despite his clear objections, signals a lack of respect, while his grandmother’s decision to invite her disregards his autonomy. According to Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, “Respect and trust are the foundation of any healthy relationship, familial or otherwise” (source: Gottman Institute). Here, the aunt’s persistence eroded that trust.

The aunt’s behavior reflects a broader issue: family members often dismiss boundaries under the guise of “just joking.” Research from the American Psychological Association shows that repeated teasing can cause emotional distress, especially when it targets personal insecurities (source: APA). Her taunts, fixated on a childhood fear, likely kept the man feeling small, as if he were still that scared 5-year-old.

ADVERTISEMENT

Dr. Gottman’s advice emphasizes setting firm boundaries with empathy. The man could calmly restate his discomfort and, if ignored, limit contact. This approach maintains dignity while protecting his peace. For others in similar situations, experts suggest clear communication—say, “I feel disrespected when you bring this up”—and consequences, like leaving the event. It’s about reclaiming control without escalating drama.

Ultimately, the man’s outburst was a natural response to years of frustration. To move forward, he might consider a private conversation with his aunt, outlining his boundaries, or lean on supportive family members, like his parents, to reinforce them. Setting limits isn’t about exclusion; it’s about fostering respect.

ADVERTISEMENT

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Reddit’s finest didn’t hold back, and their takes are as spicy as that hibachi flame! Here are the top comments:

[Reddit User] − NTA. She had been told/warned repeatedly to stop. For this to go on for 25 years is ridiculous. You had every right to do what you did because obviously it was going to take extreme measures for her to shut up.. YOU embarrassed HER?

ADVERTISEMENT

That is what SHE has been doing to YOU for 25 years. Your grandmother was out of line to invite someone to YOUR birthday party that she KNEW you did not want there.. Blast them back. They are not owed an apology.

[Reddit User] − NTA Sure, you could have handled it more 'cordially' but what your aunt is doing to you borders on emotional abuse and you have absolutely no obligation to put up with it. Your grandmother and your aunt are TA. Your parents are right and I'm glad you have that support. Regardless of what your grandmother does, I suggest you continue to exclude your aunt, your folks have your back.

ADVERTISEMENT

Unusual_Variant − NTA and your Grandmother owes YOU an apology! You don't invite people to someone else's party. Stop inviting Grandma as well.

letsgetthesecups − I don't think you're an a**hole. Your aunt sounds obnoxious.

ADVERTISEMENT

[Reddit User] − Funk the I can embarrass you for 25 years but you can’t embarrass me…

Mehitabel9 − NTA. Your grandmother had no business ignoring your wishes and bringing your aunt, and your aunt is a straight-up jerk. The fact that they are both blasting you on Facebook just confirms that you don't owe either of them a damn thing. Not an apology, not any future invitations to any of your birthday celebrations.

ADVERTISEMENT

I think they both need a nice long time out from having any contact with you TBH. I will say this, though. The better way to handle this would have been to simply get up, look at your aunt, calmly say 'You have been repeatedly asked not to bring this subject up. I am done here. Good night, everyone' and then leave.

ceciliabee − NTA her behaviour is embarrassing all by itself. You know why she keeps bringing it up though, right? It's your reaction. She likes that you hate the memory and react to it like you do every time. Like a kid who pushes an elevator button and sees it light up.

ADVERTISEMENT

Next time she's trying to work you up, just look at her and say something like 'great story, aunt whatever' or even just 'yep'. Don't give her the reaction or the power. Also, my stress level went down when I realized I could look at someone and say the meanest, most horrible s**t to them in my head and get away with it if I was smiling politely.

LadyTheBlitzed − NTA. Grandma and Aunt are literally gaslighting you. You were FIVE. I’m sure your aunt did something like that too. I’m petty enough at this point if you got stuck at a family event with her I would ask your mom for an embarrassing childhood story of her to constantly joke about.

Aunt sounds like an ah that can’t come up with anything better to talk about so she tries to use a silly story to make fun of you. If she hadn’t been using that story at every opportunity for 25 years, maybe the joke would have been funny but it was her blatantly ignoring a boundary so it was no longer a joke.

loudesttown − I don't understand how she kept the same thing going for 25 YEARS! it sounds tiring as hell.. NTA

ADVERTISEMENT

AffectionateHand2206 − Your aunt and grandmother are disrespectful assholes. You're NTA.

These opinions pack a punch, but do they capture the full picture? Reddit’s quick to rally, yet real life often demands cooler heads and tougher boundaries.

ADVERTISEMENT

This fiery showdown leaves us wondering about family dynamics and the breaking point of patience. The man’s outburst was a cry for respect, but was it the best way to handle it? Families can test us, yet they also shape us. What would you do if a relative kept poking at an old wound? Share your thoughts—have you ever snapped under pressure or found a better way to set boundaries?

Share this post
ADVERTISEMENT

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *