WIBTA if I told a coworker’s wife that he obsessively watches her on their home cameras?

Picture a busy office, phones buzzing, screens glowing, and one coworker glued to his phone, watching his wife’s every move through home cameras. From cooking to sleeping, her daily life plays out on his screen, visible to anyone passing by his desk. A concerned colleague wonders: does she know she’s under constant surveillance? Should they tip her off anonymously, or stay out of it?

This unsettling scenario unfolds in a shared office, where casual glances reveal a stay-at-home mom’s private moments. The coworker’s obsession, paired with his open display, sparks unease among peers. Is it just a quirky habit, a sign of deeper control, or something else entirely? As the OP grapples with whether to intervene, this story dives into the murky waters of privacy, workplace boundaries, and relationship trust.

‘WIBTA if I told a coworker’s wife that he obsessively watches her on their home cameras?’

My coworker has several indoor and outdoor cameras at his home. His wife is a stay at home mom of 2 school aged kids. Our job consists of being on the phone a lot of time. So most of us usually play games on our computer, browse Facebook, etc while on the phone.

However, my coworker obsessively watches his wife on the cameras. He watches her when she sleeps, cleans, cooks, watches tv, etc....pretty much all the time. I’m pretty sure his wife knows about the cameras but I don’t know if she knows he watches her all day every day.

It’s to the point that he takes his phone with him to the break room to watch her while he eats lunch. I find it very creepy and I know I wouldn’t be comfortable with it if I were his wife. Everyone in the office can also see his computer screen and wife whenever we walk by his desk.

I’ve never seen her n**ed or in the bathroom but I have seen her sleeping, in her pjs, eating, etc. I want to send a message to his wife anonymously to let her know but I’m not sure if it’s my place to do so. He is actually a really good guy and treats his wife very well. So WIBTA?.

Edit to answer some questions: Some of the guys in the office do make comments about it to him and he laughs it off and says he just wants to be with her all the time.I have never said anything about it. I don’t know if she has a medical condition. I have met her and there isn’t anything obvious.

Although if there were then I don’t think it would cause any problems to message her.. Same with the kink possibility...I don’t know but it shouldn’t cause any problem messaging her then.. She is home alone most of our work day because their kids are in school. I don’t sit and watch him watch her.

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We share a office and his screen is visible to everyone who walks to the bathroom, break room and printer. This has been going on for around 6 months so it would be hard not to notice.. He does not try to hide it. I don’t want to go to HR because it really isn’t affecting our work. He does his job and I do mine. It’s not bothering me. I am really just concerned for his wife.

This coworker’s camera-watching habit raises red flags about privacy and consent. While he may be a “good guy,” his obsessive monitoring, visible to colleagues, suggests a lack of respect for his wife’s autonomy—especially if she’s unaware of its extent. The office’s exposure to her private moments adds another layer of violation.

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Dr. Sherry Turkle, an MIT professor studying technology’s impact, notes in Reclaiming Conversation found that 61% of individuals feel uncomfortable with unconsented monitoring, even by partners. If the wife doesn’t know her daily life is on display, it’s a serious breach.

The OP’s instinct to inform her is understandable but risky. Experts suggest first addressing the coworker directly, as Reddit advises, with a neutral question like, “Does your wife know you watch her all day?” If concerns persist, escalating to HR about workplace discomfort is safer than anonymous outreach, which could backfire. Couples navigating surveillance should discuss boundaries openly, ensuring mutual consent.

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Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

The Reddit crew rolled in like privacy detectives, serving up a mix of alarm and caution with a sprinkle of humor. Their takes dissect the coworker’s behavior and the OP’s dilemma with gusto.

redheaddebate − NTA. This is controlling/abusive behavior. She should absolutely know about it. The one issue is how to tell her without him knowing. That conflict could get ugly. Edit: OP should also tell the coworker that his behavior is making him uncomfortable. It’s also making a bad work environment.

VioletsTown − NAH - I would find a way to anonymously tell the wife in case she doesn't know. If she has no idea, this is creepy. I'll offer a slightly different perspective. When I was a stay at home mom and our kid was a baby/toddler, I know my husband also watched us a lot on the cameras.

The reason? He hated his job! And he really really wanted to be home and spend time with me and the baby. When he watched us eat, or he watched the baby play, I think it made him feel like he was kind of there. He would text stuff like, hey, I'm eating lunch too!

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The big difference is I knew he was doing this, and also, the camera's tiny red light was set to blink like crazy when he was on. We would both even wave to him and talk into the camera.. If she totally knows, it's not that bad. If she has no idea, that's a whole different story...

[Reddit User] − I say NTA. Normally I err on the side of caution and say that you should generally mind your own business, but this is super creepy and violating, and I think she has a right to know. Especially if everyone in your office can also see her.

As a matter of fact, has anyone reached out to a manager to complain about how weird and uncomfortable this is to have in your workspace?. I am an extremely private person, and I am getting so f**king skeeved just thinking about this.

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IBessGrace − NTA. If she knows, everyone’s golden. If she doesn’t, he can explain wtf he’s doing and, most likely, she can hear that explanation right before she gets the hell away from him and gets a restraining order.

CheyBridgeMan − Maybe it’s a kink they share. Who knows. It’s really not your business. But since you all can see it and it’s making you uncomfortable, why don’t you just handle it with him? Ask him to stop. Tell him you find it creepy. And then if he doesn’t, sure, message her I guess. But it seems like a nuclear option to go to her before talking to him.. NAH

advice__seeker − NTA. I'm surprised so many people on here are suggesting it might be a kink or that he is some sort of controlling monster. My first thought was that he just is too dependent on his wife. Maybe it's comforting to him to watch her throughout the day?

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I've known people who can't make it through the workday without calling their spouse at least once, and while I think it's not super healthy, to each their own I guess? Obviously this is taking it to the next level though.

If she doesn't know how much he watches her then that is a huge i**asion of privacy. And she deserves to know that his co-workers are getting glimpses into her personal life as well. I would want to know if I was her.

lightninghazard − NTA, this sounds creepy and controlling. I think she should know.

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ManyPerson7 − NTA. I had a husband exactly like this. He was a paranoid, narcissistic man. He set up trail cameras that would record in each room as I moved through. Then he “knew what I was up to” when he was at work.

He was, for all intents and purposes, the “perfect” husband from the outside view that others had. I was essentially his prisoner. He also controlled all the finances. I finally left in the middle of the night in a cab while he was at work.

Every 9 seconds in America a woman is beaten—and that doesn’t even include all the other forms of abuse!—so statistics are on your side to intervene. Ask your coworker casually about it and gauge his reaction first, then proceed from there.

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IxianHwiNoree − YTA if you talk to the wife before you talk to the co-worker. Try asking, 'Hey what does your wife think of you watching her all day?' You have no idea what their life is like or why he's doing it. A lot of people are assuming abuse, which might be true, but it could be consensual. (Damn I sure hope so.)

If you're not willing to talk to the co-worker, maybe go to your boss instead, especially if he's breaking company policy. I understand you feel concerned, but it seems like overstepping to rush in and 'save' her without knowing much about the situation. YMMV.

Whatever-who-caresfy − ESH I would tell the boss and have the boss or HR confront him. Its inappropriate to do at work and its making more people than just you uncomfortable at work. That's an HR thing.

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These Redditors split on solutions—some urge warning the wife, others suggest confronting the coworker first. Their mix of outrage and speculation fuels a lively debate. But do their takes capture the full nuance, or are they jumping to conclusions?

This coworker’s camera obsession blurs the line between devotion and control, leaving the OP torn between action and restraint. Reddit’s mix of concern and caution highlights the complexity of intervening in others’ relationships. Privacy, consent, and workplace ethics collide here—what’s the right move? Have you ever witnessed questionable behavior at work? Share your thoughts—what would you do if you were in the OP’s shoes?

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