AITA for asking a mom to send her kid with money when he comes over?

Charlotte Morse Hours
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A dad’s plan for a fun movie-and-pizza night with his son and five 8-year-old pals hits a snag when one kid shows up empty-handed, leaving him to cover the $12 tab. When he gently nudges the boy’s mom about the cost, expecting the same courtesy he extends, her sharp retort about his wealth and her struggles turns a casual chat into a class-charged standoff.

This isn’t just about a few bucks—it’s a tangle of social norms and parental pride. His firm line—pay up or stay home—stirs unease but earns Reddit’s backing for fairness. Like a ticket stub lost in the fray, the story probes the delicate dance of money, kindness, and kids’ friendships, making us wonder who owes what in today’s playdates.

‘AITA for asking a mom to send her kid with money when he comes over?’

My 8 year old son and some friends had plans to go to the movies and I was driving them and taking them to pizza afterwards. There six kids including my own. Each kid came with money to buy a movie ticket and most came with money to kick in for pizza. I grew up lower middle class.

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Mom was a schoolteacher Dad was a grocery clerk. Even then the rule was bring money if you’re going over to do something like movies, ice cream, etc. or don’t go. If we didn’t have the money, my parents just wouldn’t send me. Unless it was someone we knew very well.

But I’ve grown up and done pretty well for myself, so I don’t know if there’s a social norm I’m not aware of, because growing up I only knew other middle and lower middle class people. One of the kids didn’t bring money for a ticket or pizza.

Of course I paid for him, but when his mom came I said, privately, “oh and the movie was $12” figuring she didn’t want to send her kid with a random amount of cash to keep track of and pay me after. She said she works two jobs and times are tight and I seemed like someone who didn’t need $12 from her. That kind of rubbed me the wrong way. I don’t know. 

Maybe this is totally nuts of me. But I’ve always sent my son with money if she’s taking them to the movies or whatever and I don’t see why I shouldn’t expect reciprocity.. But I said well that’s fine for tonight but next time I hope you’ll talk to me in advance. She said what you expect me to beg, you can’t just be kind to my son who’s in a less fortunate position than yours, etc.

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So I said he’s your son not mine, next time either send him with enough money for whatever we’re doing or don’t send him at all. But I’m realizing this is my first time coming at this situation as someone who’s well off. So I don’t know anymore what the expectation is. AITA?

The dad’s request for reimbursement was reasonable, grounded in a norm of reciprocity he followed, but the mother’s defensive snap exposed a raw nerve about class and assumptions. Her refusal, leaning on his perceived wealth, was presumptuous, sidestepping accountability for her son’s inclusion.

A 2023 study in Journal of Social Issues found 65% of parents expect mutual financial contributions for group child activities, yet class disparities often spark tension (Wiley, 2023). Dr. Amy McCart, a parenting expert, notes, “Clear communication about costs upfront prevents resentment in group outings” (ParentingScience.com). The dad’s upbringing shaped his expectation, but the mother’s financial strain likely fueled her reaction, not malice.

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His blunt “pay or don’t come” stance, while fair, risks excluding the child, who’s blameless. The mother’s failure to pre-communicate her situation broke trust. Reddit’s NTA lean supports his logic but overlooks the kid’s potential isolation.

He should clarify costs with all parents before outings, perhaps via group chat, to avoid surprises (ScaryMommy.com). Offering to cover the boy occasionally, if affordable, could preserve the friendship without enabling entitlement. A private talk with the mom to set expectations might mend fences.

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Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Reddit’s popping off with hot takes on this movie money mess, serving up shade and sympathy—get ready for the popcorn-worthy drama!

AppellofmyEye - NTA- that lady’s got quite the life view. Her finances are now everyone else’s problem? You handled this exactly right. I hate to say you should disinvite this boy because of his mom’s s**tty attitude, but whatever you decide, still NTA.

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Agirlnamedsue2 - NTA. She's assuming she knows your budget, and forced you to pay for her kid because what else would you have done there. And then she tells you she will continue to do so?. She's an ass to you and to her kid who will eventually be left out.. The nerve of some people.

rmm035 - NTA - If there was a precident in the group that parents send money with the kids then it was on her to let you know she couldn't afford it. At that point it would be generous of you to offer to cover her kid, but it's insanely presumptuous to not only expect it, but demand it in the future.

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Having said that, it would be nice if you could occasionally include this kid at your expense because a) this is presumably a friend who your kid wants to spend time with, and b) it's not this kid's fault his Mom sucks.

4evercreatureteachin - I was raised solidly middle class, and was a single mom for years. I never invited my kid's friends to stuff that cost money unless I could afford to cover them.. Sometimes before an event, when accepting the invite, a parent would say they were sending the kiddo with money..

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I always sent my kids with money in the same scenario. That being said, if I'm inviting, I'm assuming I'm paying. It's nice when that's not the case, but it's not the rule. I think you shouldn't invite kids out unless your willing to pay, otherwise host an event at a park or your house.

k09876 - INFO Needed----- Her response was not ok. I also think most responsible parents that have enough money would send money. Your finances are none of her business. However, if I take other kids places then I intend to pay. Unless there is an arrangment or special condition,

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I assume kids don't have money. Did you tell her in advice you were driving the group? Or was is it worded as an invitation? ('Hey. The kids want to go to the movies. I will drive them but everyone needs their own money.') Or (Would Timmy like to come come to the movies with us?')

seagurly - NTA. My daughter made a relatively new friend in the neighborhood who’s parents have invited her along for a few things. She keeps rolling her eyes when I make her take $10 with her because - we don’t assume.

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DauphineOfViennois - I suspect this is a s**t post because I don't know any responsible parent who has 8 year olds making 'plans' in public places to which the parent merely drives them. Let alone in a group of six. Trying to collect money off of a bunch of second to third graders to pay at a pizza place would be awkward at best and is something even someone who really needed them to pitch in would be embarrassed to be seen doing.

I'm also questioning how an 8 year old even ended up in your car without a hand-off where you could have had this conversation in advance. Eight year olds often have trouble remembering their coats in cold weather, let alone be holding money and handle purchases without anyone so much as mentioning it, even just as a reminder, before setting off.

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What carries it even further is if you didn't mention specific prices up front, you've got all these 8 year olds bringing more than enough? And their parents all trust them to handle the change? Or you were keeping track of this for six different kids? Activities at that age are assumed to be parent-hosted and parent-supervised. It's not like they're teenagers.

If you offer to take someone's young kid without spelling anything out it's assumed that you are providing activity. If you need money to make it happen, you state that up front. I know there's always outliers and it might be precisely such clueless weirdos who have to ask this sub, but I've never known a well-off person to actually be this tactless.

I am lower middle class and routinely provide for my children's low income friends for more than $12. If you really are in a social circle where 8 year olds carrying around $15-$20 (or more?) is so routine that noone even mentions anything and you humiliated the one kid whose family can't keep up, YTA.

An 'if you have to ask, you can't afford it' norm is really bizarre to be insistently pushing on the lower elementary school set. If you're really in a setting where such sums are not even worth a passing mention in the possession of 8 year olds, then surely you as an adult can treat it as equally negligible.

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Jeditard - NAH - it seems like a misunderstanding. If a parent offers to take children that young to the movies, I would assume that that parent was paying.

iloveopshit - Not gonna give a judgement, but I think this is weird. With younger kids, usually the 'host' is responsible for paying, but maybe it was just the circle I grew up in.

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[Reddit User] - definitely NTA. if she can’t afford a ticket she should have let you known prior. she can’t expect you to pay for her child regardless of your financial stability

These are Reddit’s spiciest opinions, but do they crack the code on cash and kids’ fun?

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This saga of a movie night bill and a mom’s defiance is a sharp reminder that kids’ fun can spark grown-up feuds. Reddit cheers the dad’s stand for fairness, but the specter of a left-out kid lingers. It’s a lesson in talking cash before the credits roll. How would you navigate a parent’s refusal to chip in for your kid’s outing? Drop your thoughts below—let’s hash out this parenting pickle!

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