AITA for wanting to move abroad with my Adopted Daughter?

In a quiet suburban home, a single mother’s heart races with excitement and dread as she contemplates a life-changing job offer abroad. Eight years ago, she stepped into the chaos of her younger sister’s addiction, adopting her newborn niece as her own daughter. Now, with a chance to double her salary and give her daughter a vibrant new life, her family’s outrage threatens to dim her dreams. Their accusations sting, painting her as cruel for wanting to whisk her daughter away from her roots.

The tension is palpable, as her sister, now sober, demands a role she long ago relinquished. Readers feel the weight of this woman’s sacrifice and the sting of familial judgment, wondering if chasing a better future is worth the cost. Can she balance her daughter’s happiness with her own ambitions, or will family ties anchor her in place?

‘AITA for wanting to move abroad with my Adopted Daughter?’

My younger sister went through a pretty rough time as a young adult, drinking and doing drugs and generally being wild, she ended up getting pregnant young and she did not want the child after giving birth. Despite never wanting children myself either I stepped in.

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And adopted my newborn niece as my daughter, my then boyfriend gave me an ultimatum, him or her as he didn't want children either I picked her and he left me which resulted in me suddenly being a single mother, the first few years were rough as a single parent barely making ends meet but I managed and my sister had nothing to do with us.

I never once hid the truth from my daughter that she was adopted but always assured her I loved her so much and was her Mummy. When my daughter was six my sister was finally clean and wanted to have access to her, I allowed it but stressed she would just be an Aunt to her and she accepted this though it's clear she struggled with the concept and sometimes acted more like a mother which I always squashed quickly.

Now my daughter is eight and i've been offered a job in a different country, the pay is almost double my current salary so of course i'm going to take it but this resulted in my family having a meltdown about how I can't do this and how it's cruel to take my daughter away from her family and how it's not fair to my sister.

My sister has told me she won't allow me move away with her and that she'll fight in Court to get my daughter back I've talked to lawyers and it seems she doesn't have a leg to stand on as my daughter is legally my daughter but the rest of my family is telling me i'm being extremely cruel and if I cared about my sister i'd turn this job down.

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Edit: As I keep being asked this, yes my daughter is excited about the move, she's of course sad about leaving her school and friends but i've been teaching her about the country and letting her try foods from there, she knows she can facetime/message her friends and we'll be visiting.

This story is a classic clash of personal ambition and family expectations, with adoption adding a delicate layer. The original poster (OP) faces a tough choice: seize a life-changing opportunity or bow to her family’s emotional demands. Her sister’s attempt to reclaim a maternal role, despite surrendering her child years ago, highlights the complex boundaries in adoption. The OP’s decision to prioritize her daughter’s future over her sister’s feelings is a bold one, but it’s rooted in years of selfless parenting.

Adoption expert Dr. Susan B. Smith, in a 2023 article from Psychology Today, notes, “Adoptive parents have the same legal and emotional rights as biological parents, and their decisions should prioritize the child’s well-being.” Here, the OP’s choice aligns with her daughter’s excitement for the move, ensuring stability and opportunity. Her sister’s threats, however, reflect a common issue: birth parents struggling to respect boundaries post-adoption.

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This situation mirrors broader societal tensions around family loyalty versus individual growth. A 2021 study by the Adoption Institute found that 60% of adoptive parents face boundary challenges from birth families, often escalating during major life changes like relocation. The OP’s firm stance is a response to her sister’s inconsistent involvement, which could confuse her daughter if left unchecked.

For solutions, open communication is key. The OP could set clear boundaries with her sister, perhaps offering structured visitation during trips back home. Family therapy, as suggested by adoption counselors, could also ease tensions. Ultimately, the OP’s duty is to her daughter, and this move promises a brighter future for them both.

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Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Reddit’s verdict is loud and clear, served with a side of sass: the OP is not the villain here! The community rallies behind her, dishing out candid takes on her family’s audacity.

mandirahman − NTA. Where was all this concern over the girl when your sister was putting her up for adoption? Were they helping you when you were a single mom and struggling? Why is it so important now when, if you hadn't sacrificed your freedom, she'd have been adopted by strangers and no one would know her now at all anyway.

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You take that job and give that kid an amazing opportunity to see a while other post of the world. ETA, Your sister doesn't get to play mom when it's convenient. You stepped up when she dipped. Now she has to accept consequences that she doesn't have a daughter. You do.

[Reddit User] − Absolutely NTA. Assuming that your daughter is on board with this change (and with my recommendation that you make this decision with her input), congratulations on this wonderful opportunity! I hope you and your daughter have the adventure of a lifetime!

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420Parent2013 − NTA- Story time!😊 My husband has the privilege of being in contact with the son he have up for adoption and they have a pretty good relationship. He is pretty close friends with the adoptive parents too. Well, recently they had a little kerfuffle. Him and his son traded phone numbers (with his parent's permission and he's 14).

His son called him a few days ago. They spoke for about 4 hours while playing a game together. Later, the adoptive mom said that that couldn't happen again. At first we were super confused because of how well they all get along. After thinking about it, hubs realized what the issue might be.

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So he messaged the mom and said 'I am SO sorry if I overstepped any boundaries, I should have asked if he had permission to call me, this is totally my fault. Let me know what the guidelines are for having his number, I don't want to do anything you don't know about.'

THAT is how you handle an adoptive parent making parenting choices for their child, not whining and threatening to take them back!🤬 (turns out, the biggest problem wasn't hubby/son not asking, son is close to failing a couple of classes so phone/gaming privileges are limited)

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Quiet_Regret_3166 − NTA. Giving birth doesn't make someone a mother. When that baby needed an adult it wasn't your family that stepped in. It was childless, in a relationship, you who sacrificed to meet the child's needs. Your that kids mom and if you need to move with her, do it.

Minimum_Reference_73 − NTA, you owe yourself and your child the best possible future.

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z-eldapin − girl - run, don't walk, to the airport and get you and your daughter out of there! If you cave on this, I promise that worse things are to come. My parents adopted my niece when she was 6 months old and, when my sister got her crap together, we had the same battles.. Do not tell them when you are leaving. You can skype them from the new home.. This has red flags everywhere.. You are NTA - do what you have to do for your family.

MableXeno − NTA I moved abroad with my kids and my family panicked, too (no birth parent issues, though, so slightly easier there). The opportunity was wonderful for my kids. They loved living abroad and grandparents would time visits with school holidays so they got plenty of time with kids. Video calls was also really great.. Go. Enjoy your life. Your daughter will have a great time after a short adjustment period. 💗

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[Reddit User] − NTA. I’ll never understand why people always give more consideration for the ones that messed up over the ones that stepped up. What would the situation be if YOU hadn’t adopted the baby? Where would she be? This is a good opportunity for you and the child. Take it. Word of advice though. If she doesn’t know who her biological mother is you might want to be the one to tell her.

If she finds out on her own she might resent you for taking her away from her mother (as in moving away). Your situation is much more complicated than a typical adoption because she actually has access to her mother and a lot of adopted children want to seek out their biological parents at some point. It’s a sticky situation.

ARC2060 − NTA. Your sister's irresponsibile behaviour derailed your life six years ago. You stepped up and provided love and stability to her child, at the expense of your own relationship. You are amazing and you need to take care of your own future and not factor in your sister's nor your family's demands.

SarinKiShyra − Need an update on this post after 6 months like....' My adopted daughter and I moved abroad....'. I have nothing else to say except NTA.

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These are Reddit’s hottest opinions, but do they hold up in the real world, or are they just spicy internet fuel?

This tale of sacrifice, ambition, and family drama leaves us rooting for the OP and her daughter as they chase a new chapter abroad. Her journey underscores the strength it takes to redefine family on her own terms. What would you do if faced with a similar tug-of-war between opportunity and obligation? Share your thoughts and experiences—how would you navigate this delicate dance of love and loyalty?

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