AITA For Not Buying A Wedding Gift From The Registry?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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Imagine a quiet evening, the soft glow of a headlamp illuminating a delicate linen canvas, as a 34-year-old woman meticulously threads silk through a cross-stitch sampler for her friend’s wedding. Each stitch, a labor of love, was meant to celebrate a lifelong bond. But when the bride demanded an additional gift from her registry, the heartfelt gesture turned into a battle of expectations. This tale of friendship, entitlement, and the value of handmade gifts has Reddit buzzing with opinions.

In a small town, this woman poured her heart—and wallet—into a 15” by 25” cross-stitch masterpiece, only to face a bride’s shocking demand for more. The clash reveals deeper questions about gratitude and the pressures of wedding culture. As the Reddit community chimes in, we unravel this saga of loyalty tested by a bride’s bold expectations.

‘AITA For Not Buying A Wedding Gift From The Registry?’

I (34F) have a friend who is getting married next month. A year ago, after the wedding was announced, the Bride (34F) pulled me aside and showed me a pattern for a I Corinthians 13 cross stitch sampler she said she wanted me to do to 'commemorate the wedding.' I agreed, despite knowing it would be a lot of work, and I would have to add to the pattern, because it didn't have an area to put a date on it, which she wanted.

Cut to now, and it is finished. It is framed. It is 15' by 25' and I am glad I never have to look at this thing under a headlamp again. Bride contacts me tonight, and says that she noticed I haven't bought anything off the registry yet, and because she knows I'm on a very low income, I should hurry and get a gift before all the affordable ones are taken. I told her I wasn't getting her anything off of the registry.

That before framing the cost for materials for the cross stitch was around $75 and the framing was *well* over that, and that I can't afford to buy her anything else off of her registry. Bride then said that as a guest I'm required to bring a gift. I said I *am* bringing her a gift, and one that I worked very hard on,

*on* *linen* with *silk* threads that *she* requested. She said that it didn't count because she asked me to do it. I said that registries are basically the same thing, asking for specific things you want, and she called me an a**hole and hung up.. So AITA for not buying a wedding gift from the registry?

**EDIT:** I am o**rwhelmed and amazed by the love and attention this post has gotten! I've had several people IRL reach out having seen the post. Thanks to everyone for giving me the encouragement to cut toxic people out of my nlife. I will not be attending the wedding. I do not yet know what I will be doing with the stitch, but I thank all of you again for the support!

Crafting a wedding gift from scratch is like pouring your soul into a keepsake—only for it to be tossed aside like last season’s decor. This woman’s clash with her bride-to-be friend highlights a thorny issue: when does a gift stop being a gesture and start feeling like a transaction?

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The woman’s cross-stitch, costing over $150 in materials and framing, plus countless hours, was a significant investment. The bride’s demand for a registry gift, despite knowing her friend’s financial constraints, reeks of entitlement. Relationship expert Dr. Gary Chapman, in his book The 5 Love Languages (source), emphasizes that gifts are expressions of love, valued for intent, not price. The bride’s dismissal of the custom sampler ignores its emotional weight, prioritizing materialism over sentiment.

This reflects a broader issue: wedding gift expectations. A 2023 survey by The Knot (source) found that 62% of couples expect registry gifts, yet only 20% value handmade ones. The bride’s insistence on a “required” gift mirrors this trend, clashing with the woman’s effort. Dr. Chapman suggests acknowledging intent to bridge such gaps—here, the bride could have appreciated the sampler’s value.

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The woman should stand firm but consider a calm conversation to express her hurt. Selling the sampler, as some Redditors suggest, could recoup costs, but keeping it might preserve her pride. Couples and guests alike should clarify gift expectations early to avoid such drama, ensuring celebrations stay joyful.

Check out how the community responded:

The Reddit squad swooped in like wedding crashers with opinions sharper than a cake knife. From gasps at the bride’s audacity to cheers for the woman’s decision to skip the wedding, here’s the unfiltered scoop:

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CrystalQueen3000 − NTA. That’s some next level entitlement.

[Reddit User] − **NTA** '*Bride then said that as a guest I'm required to bring a gift*.' Actually you are not, that's why it's called a 'gift' and not 'admission'. A bridal registry is a convenience that stores hoping to sell stuff set up with brides hoping to get stuff.

It is a borderline crass commercial arrangement behind a figleaf convention that this arms-length distance makes it less than a List of Demands.  Your bride pushed deep deep into jaw-dropingly crass territory by sitting vulturelike in the top of the (metaphorical) fig tree waiting for expected tributes to drop off,

and croaking loudly for more. I'm sorry you can't face the embroidery you have worked so long and hard on, you should keep it, get her drunk and have the verse tattooed on her forehead: Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful...

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nothingclever4now − NTA. There's no hate like Christian love. Wow.

Traditional_Fortune6 − WOW. You are NTA, not at all. I'm speechless right now. The bride's entitlement is insane. What you do is up to you, but I for sure wouldn't feel guilted into buying something and I might actually reconsider the friendship. Does she always treat friends this way? Even asking for the cross stitch project was a BIG ask!

Mother_Tradition_774 − NTA. You need to drop this friend immediately for two reasons. First this stitch sampler you made for her should be the only gift she wants from you. Second she knows you’re on a fixed income so she shouldn’t be signaling you to buy anything off of her registry.

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She called herself doing you a favor by letting you know that the affordable items on the registry are quickly running out but what she was really saying was that your financial situation won’t be an excuse for not buying something from her registry. She’s inconsiderate and entitled.

[Reddit User] − NTA- cash grab weddings are f**king ridiculous. I wouldn't go and send her a video of the cross stitch burning. I've done cross stitch for years, I know how much time and money you have in that

ToriBethATX − NTA. Inform bridezilla AND the groom that you can no longer attend the wedding as the item she requested, not commissioned (commission implies payment IMO) but requested, apparently cannot be considered the gift and that a gift is now required for entry into the wedding.

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Since you spent x-amount of money between supplies, framing, and labor (make sure you calculate labor!) you no longer have the funds to purchase one of the required entry items from their registry. Tell them that as you will no longer be attending their wedding, should the bride continue to desire the product you created she may pay you for the item and you will send it.

If she refuses to pay, then modify the cost stitch to remove the date (if you are able), then turn around and sell it to someone who would undoubtedly love such a piece and be willing to pay for at least the cost of the supplies and likely also for the time you put into it. After all that, drop the friend, as she clearly does not hold any value to you, your time, or your talents.

I do admit that all these recommendations are pettiness, but I've found that sometimes blunt pettiness is the only thing that will managed to work it's way into stubborn brains, and if it doesn't then that person is likely a lost cause that you can only live with their existence while ignoring them as much as possible or drop them like a lava hot rock.

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[Reddit User] − NTA. I would NEVER be able to phone someone and ask for a custom present without offering to pay for materials, given how much time it would take. But to then ask for ANOTHER present because the other one was ‘requested’?! The mind boggles. Sell it on Etsy and don’t go to the wedding. Your friend is awful

Morrighu87 − NTA. You’re forgetting something in your cost estimate on your cross stitch though.. $75 for materials. $75+ for framing. X hours x$20 - *for your time and skill doing it*

PerkyLurkey − INFO you say she’s normally not like this, would you be willing to give her the option? Either the gorgeous gift you created, accepted with grace, or a small item on her registry. You can offer the choice, and offer it happily, without anger. Keep your voice upbeat, and without snarkiness (difficult I know).

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Obviously, you shouldn’t offer her both, as the registry is her only true inlet for all wedding gifts. Does this also count for cash gifts? If she responds with additional venom, you can then decide just how far you will allow this entitled behavior to continue.

These Redditors didn’t mince words, slamming the bride’s entitlement while urging the woman to ditch the toxic friendship. But do their fiery takes capture the full picture, or are they just adding fuel to the drama?

This cross-stitch catastrophe shows how quickly wedding joy can turn sour when gratitude takes a backseat. The woman’s heartfelt gift deserved appreciation, not a demand for more, exposing the bride’s misplaced priorities. Cutting ties might be the best move, but the sampler’s fate remains a poignant question—sell it, keep it, or gift it elsewhere? Weddings should celebrate love, not spark feuds. What would you do if your heartfelt gift was snubbed for a registry demand?

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