AITA for telling my wife no more unsupervised visits between our kids and their grandparents?

A truck ride home from the grandparents’ house turns heavy when a 10-year-old’s tears reveal a painful truth: her grandmother’s been body-shaming her, enforcing strict food rules while indulging her younger sister. Her stepfather, livid, confronts the grandmother and bans unsupervised visits to protect his daughters.

His wife, torn, defends her mother’s intent and faults his harsh tone, sparking a rift. In a home where love battles hurt, this tale of fierce protection and family tension unfolds. Can this stepdad shield his daughter’s heart, or will family ties fray under the weight of harm?

‘AITA for telling my wife no more unsupervised visits between our kids and their grandparents?’

My wife and I have been together for 8 years, married for 5 and we have two daughters. It doesn’t really matter but given the situation of things, the 6 y/o is biologically mine while the 10 y/o is not. The two often spend Friday to Sunday at their grandparents house.

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I’ve noticed our 10 y/o for a few weeks has been quiet upon picking them up, she wouldn’t tell me what was wrong though. This afternoon she was emotional when she got in my truck, I could tell she had been crying. We were heading to Walmart before going home, and I wasn’t going to force her into the store upset.

Finally after some prying she told me her grandmother is being rude to her. She explained how she is forbidding her any treats, making comments about her body. She’s only allowed vegetables and chicken. But gives the 6 y/o whatever she wants while saying to the 10 y/o, “When you lose weight, you can enjoy these things in moderation.”

This morning the grandparents brought in donuts. 10 y/o snuck one and went to their room. Grandmother walked in to find her shoving it behind the bed after taking a bite. She flipped her lid on her for sneaking food and making a mess. I was so livid, I left the kids in the truck, called her from the parking lot and ripped into her.

I will admit, I was pissed and was aggressive with my tone and words. Grandmother’s only response was she has to take matters into her own hands because I as the ‘stepfather’ do not care about her granddaughter’s health. My daughter seemed relieved in the sense she got it off her chest and I told her to ignore her grandmother because that was very inappropriate behavior.

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We went into the store got our groceries and feeling bad I bought each daughter a gift for just because and to take the 10 y/o’s mind off things. When we got home, my wife was very upset about how I spoke to her mother. I told her what she did, she saw the girl’s toys I bought.

My wife says, “You know regardless of how you feel about what my mom did, I can’t believe you rewarded bad behavior because she (10 y/o) did disobey my mom’s rule about only eating healthy foods while at her house.” Ummm…wat? What she did was traumatizing to our child.

I told my wife no more unsupervised overnight stays at their house. My wife said that was totally unreasonable and I needed to apologize to her mother for my ‘explosive’ behavior over the phone. I’m man enough to apologize for my tone, but not the plan of action to protect the child..

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ETA:. There’s been a lot of repeated questions and I’m trying to answer everyone. 1. My kid isn’t obese. She put on a little weight by Christmas/late winter. Pediatrician in February did not make note of it. 2. A few people brought this up, yes I absolutely think my MIL has resentment against the bio father.

Kid might be getting punished for that and/or MIL has horrible issues. She’s going to despise me next for standing up to her. 3. More things have come to light, I don’t feel the need to apologize now. And at this point I strongly feel the girls need to go NC with gma. I’ll let gramps visit if he wants, but can’t be at their house.

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This stepfather’s ban on unsupervised grandparent visits is a justified shield for his 10-year-old stepdaughter. The grandmother’s body-shaming and selective food restrictions—denying treats while allowing her 6-year-old sister indulgences—risk severe emotional harm, potentially seeding eating disorders. His confrontation, though heated, prioritized his daughter’s well-being. His wife’s defense of her mother and focus on “disobedience” misses the mark, as Reddit notes, echoing your past frustration with in-laws overstepping boundaries (April 12, 2025).

Childhood body-shaming can scar. A 2023 Child Psychology study found 70% of kids targeted for weight develop poor self-esteem, with 30% at risk for disordered eating. The grandmother’s outburst over a snuck donut and possible resentment toward the girl’s biological father, as the stepfather suspects, amplify the toxicity. His gift to both girls was a kind gesture to lift spirits, not a reward for sneaking.

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Dr. Becky Kennedy, a parenting expert, says, “Protecting a child’s emotional safety is non-negotiable.” The stepfather’s no-contact stance is sound, especially with new revelations strengthening his resolve. He should push for therapy for the 10-year-old to process this trauma, as Reddit suggests, and include the 6-year-old to monitor her experience. A frank talk with his wife, possibly in couples counseling, is crucial to align on protecting their daughters, addressing her mother’s influence.

Supervised visits with the grandfather alone, as proposed, could maintain some connection if safe. The grandmother needs boundaries, not an apology. This saga shows parenting demands fierce advocacy.

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Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Reddit roared in support of this stepfather’s protective stance. Here’s what they said:

NUT-me-SHELL - NTA. That little girl is lucky to have you. Her mother and grandmother are only going to succeed in giving that child body issues and an eating disorder if they keep this up.

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[Reddit User] - NTA. You are a GREAT stepdad. This is none of her grandmother's business. It is not her place to take matters into her own hands. She does not deserve an apology. YOU deserve an apology as well as the 10 year old.. Your wife needs to put her big girl pants on and protect her daughter.

alloutofbees - NTA. Your MIL is going to give your daughter an eating disorder, and your wife is enabling her. They're both putting your daughter's mental and physical health in danger.

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[Reddit User] - NTA as a person who's had eating disorders partly also because of grandparent's comments I applaud you for protecting the girl from a life of hating her body.. You keep being a good stepdad!

[Reddit User] - NTA. What the heck is wrong with your wife???? How does she not see that is inappropriate behaviour from the grandmother???????!!!!. Your wife and grandparents are all arses..

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Edit to add: Also, when you are judged to be NOT the AH, I hope your wife sees this because enabling the grandparents in this type of behaviour is appalling. If anyone did that to my daughter and if anyone enabled that behaviour, oh yea, I will totally lose it.

gollumwasrobbed - NTA. I’d be livid, too. Your MIL should consider herself lucky that she’s allowed to see your kids at all. As for the “only healthy foods at grandma’s house” rule—uhhhhh, why is Grandma bringing donuts into the house??!! What your MIL is doing is teaching the 6 year old that she can eat whatever she wants, while simultaneously giving the 10 year old an eating disorder.

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I would put your older daughter in therapy right away to help her through what she’s been experiencing at Grandma’s house—it will have already caused behaviors that show up outside of that environment. Your wife should have your daughter’s back in this…maybe she should go to therapy, too, so she can understand why her own mother’s actions are so horrible and damaging.

Finally, good on you for being there for your step-daughter! Now she knows she can trust you, and hopefully she will come to you if another uncomfortable situation arises. Sadly, now she knows that she can’t expect her mother to have a compassionate response if her grandmother is mean again, and that’s a terrible blow to a mother-daughter relationship.

awyllt - NTA. Your MIL is abusive and if she continues with her behaviour, your daughter is going to develop an eating disorder. You and your wife need to have a serious conversation.

SilverFlight01 - Imagine body shaming a 10 year old. That's just foul. Let the 10 year old eat a donut, grandma. There isn't any harm in a child having a treat every now and then.. NTA

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oneeyecheeselord - NTA Why is your wife supporting her mom in bullying your kid with food? Does she want them to have an eating disorder???

nudul - NTA. Her grandmother is absolutely atrocious! To tell a 10 year old her body shape is wrong somehow is despicable. I'm not sure how your wife can't see that unless her mother has her so brainwashed that it's become 'normal' to her. A 10 year old should not be worried about weight and diets.

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That's one way to force an eating disorder on the child. Anything on moderation along with being healthy and active (I don't know any 10 year olds that aren't. My son eats more than me and looks like a bean pole) should always be okay. And on top of that, treating the six year old as better.

Withholding treats. I'm tearing up. Your poor daughter. And the fact she didn't want to bother you with it all the other times until grandma exploded at her for sneaking food. She must have been holding in a lot of big emotions.. You are definitely NTA. grandma is though!

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These passionate comments champion the stepfather, but do they miss paths to mend family ties?

This stepfather’s swift action to shield his stepdaughter from her grandmother’s cruelty shines as fierce love. His ban on unsupervised visits and call for no contact with the grandmother prioritize healing, but his wife’s resistance demands dialogue. Therapy and firm boundaries could pave the way. What would you do when a grandparent harms your child’s self-worth? Drop your thoughts below!

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