Aita for getting mad at my boyfriend for giving me a stupid present?

Picture a cozy Christmas Eve, fairy lights twinkling, and a young couple nestled in their new shared home, ready to exchange gifts before a festive party. The air hums with anticipation—until the unwrapping takes a turn. A 22-year-old woman, eyes sparkling with hope, opens her boyfriend’s gift, expecting something heartfelt. Instead, she finds her long-lost childhood diary, a relic of her 12-year-old self, tucked away by her boyfriend for months. The joy of rediscovery sours into shock and frustration.

The diary, a vessel of her most private memories, was missing since her move into her boyfriend’s place. Its return as a Christmas “gift” feels less like a thoughtful gesture and more like a baffling misstep. Her disappointment clashes with his good intentions, leaving their holiday spirit tangled in resentment. Can a well-meaning gift go so wrong? Let’s dive into this Reddit tale that’s got everyone talking.

‘Aita for getting mad at my boyfriend for giving me a stupid present?’

The title might sound bad, but hear me out. Also apologies if there’s poor formatting, I’m typing this on my phone lol. This happened over Christmas, but there is still resentment and awkwardness between me {22F} and my bf {25M} over it and I just want everything to end.

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So basically I’ve written in diaries my whole life, and one that was specially important to me was one I had when I was around 12, which was a very... important time in my life where a lot of personal things happened to me, although I won’t go into details.

I moved into my boyfriend’s house in April of 2019 and I, quite honestly, have a lot of personal belongings so moving in was quite the task. There were many boxes, and I somehow lost the diary I had when I was 12 when moving in. I was heartbroken, and was looking everywhere I could think of trying to find this missing diary, and my boyfriend was there to console me and help me look.

Fast forward to last Christmas Eve (Christmas of 2019) and my bf and I have a Christmas party to go to with friends, and we decided to open each other’s presents before going. I got him new balance shoes that he had been wanting for a while, and he seemed pretty content with them. But I was... not content with my gift to say the least.

You guessed it, it was the diary I had when I was 12 that he had found and given to me for Christmas. After I opened the gift I was kind of in shock and he smiled and said “do you like it?” And I didn’t know what to say so I just shook my head and said “how long have you had this?”

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He claimed that he found the diary while cleaning out his messy car sometime over the summer, and thought that it would be a great thing to surprise me with for Christmas as he knew how much it was important to me. I just looked at him in shock and then excused myself and never went to the party.

Afterwords he came to talk to me about it and told me that it hurt his feelings that I didn’t like the present, and that he genuinely thought it would be a special surprise that I would enjoy. We argued back and forth for a while, and I told him that he shouldn’t have waited so long to give it to me, especially not for Christmas and that it was a d*ck move on his part.

Our friends are split on this and it’s honestly kind of become a way bigger deal then I ever expected it to be. Reddit, please give your honest opinions. Was I the a**hole for not appreciating what might have been a well intended, considerate gift or was it a crappy thing for him to do?

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Gift-giving can be a minefield, especially when emotions run high. This couple’s Christmas clash highlights a classic relationship hiccup: mismatched expectations. The boyfriend thought he was delivering a heartwarming surprise; she saw it as a lazy cop-out. According to Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, “Understanding your partner’s emotional needs is key to meaningful gestures” . Here, the boyfriend’s delay in returning the diary—knowing its emotional weight—missed the mark.

The woman’s frustration is valid. A gift should reflect effort and thought, not just possession of something already hers. The boyfriend’s choice to wait months, perhaps aiming for a dramatic reveal, ignored her distress. This points to a broader issue: communication gaps in relationships. A 2023 study from the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that 68% of couples report misunderstandings around gift-giving due to differing emotional priorities .

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Dr. Gottman suggests that small, timely gestures—like returning a lost item immediately—build trust more than grand, delayed surprises. The boyfriend’s defensiveness only deepened the rift, signaling a need for better emotional attunement. For this couple, an open conversation about intentions and feelings could mend the gap. Acknowledging her hurt while explaining his perspective might turn this misstep into a learning moment.

To move forward, they could set clear expectations for future gifts, perhaps even laughing off this diary debacle as a quirky memory. Couples counseling, as Gottman advocates, could help them navigate these emotional nuances. For now, this story reminds us: a gift’s value lies in its intent and timing, not just its contents.

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Here’s how people reacted to the post:

The Reddit crew didn’t hold back, serving up a spicy mix of support and shade for this Christmas conundrum. They rallied around the woman, with some tossing in playful jabs at the boyfriend’s gift-giving logic. Here’s the unfiltered scoop from the online peanut gallery:

[Reddit User] − NTA. Uh, he gave you back your own belongings as a gift? Something he knew you were distraught to have lost and had been looking for? Nope. You’re right - this was a freakin terrible gift. Tell him you’re going to take the shoes back and regift them to him on his birthday.

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AmPeA17 − NTA. I kinda see where your bf's train of thought was going with this but it was executed all wrong. He found the diary in the SUMMER and didn't give it till Christmas?? It would be one thing if he found it in the days leading up to Christmas and added it to another gift but he waited roughly 4 months to give it back. Not only did he wait, he didn't even get you a real present. So yea, you have the right to be disappointed

Highclassbadass − Lol “ Merry Christmas! I paid no money to give you back your property that you’ve been upset about for months that I had this whole time and knew how upset you were but let you be even though I coulda fixed that at any time :D”

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He coulda waited for a particulary bad day Several months before christmas and given it to you to comfort you, instead he waited to make himself look so romantic... Lol he’s not an a**hole but damn he’s kinda thoughtless

Flinglehopper − NTA. It's yours anyway, he should have just given it back to you when he found it. It's most definitely a cop out Christmas gift if nothing else.

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DjombJohn − NTA, this is not a gift. You can't gift someone something that belongs to them. Your boyfriend was lazy and a bit daft for thinking this was okay and waiting a few months to give it back to you when you were visibly distressed over its loss.

meat_beaters − NTA wth? He literally gave something you owned. It’s like hiding his computer or something for a day, and then for his birthday the next day you give it to him.

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[Reddit User] − So.... He did not get you anything... He just gave back something that was already yours? He is TA, not you. It would've been somewhat cute if he would afterwards gift you an actual present, e.g. a new diary for the following year.

Still he had it for several months knowing you really wanted it back. That is a dickmove #1, not giving an actual present makes dickmove#2 and then being hurt you don't like the gesture is dickmove#3.. I hope he did not read it, since it is something private..

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My suggestion is talking about it once more. Talk about everything thats on your mind about it. NTA, i would have been just as disapointed. Yeah great you have something back that you really missed but knowing he had it for such a long time would hurt me quite a bit.

Toxic_Flareon − Here's my two cents. My mom watches Hallmark movies and crap like this is always happening and it made to look sweet and romantic. I'm honestly surprised how many people buy into that. Your boyfriend may be one of those people who bought into this movie level romance. I say that because I can't see him having any ill intentions when he did it. He just most likely a clueless romantic type.

[Reddit User] − NTA, he was a hapless dummy until he got defensive. I watched Family Matters as a kid and this reminds me of a Christmas episode in which Urkel spends Christmas in the freezing Chicago winter shifting through the landfill looking for Laura's beloved lost stuffed animal.

She was so touched she hugged and thanked him. Your man is not Urkel. He let you stew in misery so he can come out looking like a hero by returning your own property. Urkel didn't find the childhood you and hold onto it until Laura's birthday.

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He put time, love, and devotion into his gift, then immediately gave it to her. Yours stumbled upon the diary and held onto it in silence.. If you're willing to forgive stupidity, that's one thing, but his defensiveness is selfish plain and simple.

oskibeer − Info: Did he gift you anything else?

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These Redditors brought the heat, calling out the boyfriend’s move as lazy or clueless, while a few saw it as a misguided romantic gesture. But do these fiery takes capture the full picture, or are they just adding fuel to the drama?

This diary drama shows how quickly good intentions can go awry when emotions and expectations collide. The woman’s hurt and the boyfriend’s confusion highlight the delicate dance of gift-giving in relationships. A simple conversation might have saved their Christmas cheer, but now they’re left navigating lingering awkwardness. What’s the lesson? Thoughtful gifts require understanding, not just ownership. What would you do if a loved one “gifted” you something you already owned? Share your thoughts and experiences below!

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