AITA for refusing to serve the parents of the girl who bullied me at school?

Imagine the sting of old wounds reopening in the middle of a bustling restaurant shift. A 30-year-old assistant manager, once tormented by a high school bully, finds herself face-to-face with the bully’s parents, who unleash a tirade blaming her for their daughter’s ruined future. The air crackles with tension as past trauma collides with present professionalism, leading to a heated outburst she instantly regrets.

This isn’t just a story of a server losing her cool—it’s a raw moment of human struggle, where old scars meet new pressures. With a final warning from her boss looming, she’s left questioning if her reaction was justified or a step too far. The Reddit community dives in with fiery takes, making this tale a spicy mix of empathy, outrage, and tough love that’ll have you picking sides.

‘AITA for refusing to serve the parents of the girl who bullied me at school?’

I (30F) was bullied at school badly by a group of girls. The worst of them was called Alice. She made my life hell every day. She was prettier than me, everyone liked her, and she turned most of my friends against me.

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I managed to expose what she was doing to me to teachers, but as soon as that happened her parents rushed in with fake statements from her friends and others saying she was the victim and I was the bully. She gave a huge crying performance about how terrified of me she was. I got suspended and almost got kicked out of school.

Long story short, I managed to turn things around and get the truth out. It took a long time for them to expel her because she was very talented academically and was being prepped for the elite universities. She continued to cry that she was the victim and her parents kept fighting it, but they got rid of her in the end.

I have no idea what happened to her in the end and I don't care. I trained as a chef, and am now assistant manager at a restaurant. I was helping out on the tables when who should walk in but Alice's parents.

I was surprised but tried to avoid them. However, all the waiters were busy so I had to serve them. I went over and the mother instantly got at me, saying that I ruined her daughter's life and destroyed her future. I was enraged. I told her to f**k off and said it was her daughter's own fault.

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They complained to the restaurant owner that I was rude to them. Obviously I was. It was a stupid thing to say and I regretted it as soon as it happened. I'm not in any trouble but my boss has given me a final warning for if I ever speak to a customer in that way again.

Obviously I shouldn't have said what I said, but she was being rude and abusive and I couldn't just take it. I think most people who work in my industry can relate to having to endure that kind of abuse. Imagine that when it's someone you have very bad personal history with.. AITA?

Talk about a recipe for disaster—serving the parents of your childhood tormentor is a nightmare shift. The OP’s outburst, while understandable, crossed a professional line, and her boss’s warning reflects that. The parents’ accusation was a low blow, dredging up a past where their daughter’s bullying nearly derailed the OP’s life. Their entitlement reeks of denial, but the OP’s reaction gave them ammunition.

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This scenario underscores a broader issue: workplace professionalism under personal stress. A 2024 study in Journal of Occupational Health Psychology found that 62% of service workers face abusive customers, impacting mental health and job performance. Past trauma can amplify these encounters, making neutrality tough.

Dr. Amy Edmondson, a Harvard professor, states, “Emotional triggers in high-pressure settings like service industries require strategies to de-escalate, not engage” . The OP’s lapse was human, but her role as assistant manager demands restraint. Next time, she could refuse service politely or delegate, avoiding escalation while protecting her peace.

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For others in similar spots, experts suggest brief, firm responses like, “I’ll get another server,” and immediate disengagement. Training in emotional regulation, like mindfulness, can help navigate triggers. The OP’s regret shows growth potential—channeling that into proactive strategies will serve her better than a verbal showdown.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

The Reddit squad brought their A-game, dishing out a buffet of support, shade, and real talk. From cheers for standing up to the parents to stern reminders about workplace decorum, here’s the unfiltered scoop from the crowd:

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Voidg − NTA. You are the assistant manager. Next time ask them to leave as you won't be serving them.

avast2006 − ESH - The mom is a piece of work, and no need to rehash why. You explained it just fine. But you don’t get to do that as a server. You just don’t. It’s unprofessional, and it ruins the atmosphere of everyone in earshot, not just the person you are fighting with. You say, “let me get you another server” and you go to the manager and figure out how to not interact with her.

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aquasaurex − ESH. If you can't be professional, you should find another line of work. She was way out of line and your response should have been either 'We don't allow abuse from customers' or 'Let me get another server for you' You are 30 not 13. I've served many people that I don't like or that have treated me poorly.

I still smile and give them good service, I never contaminate their food or act unprofessional. Once I had a customer ask for a 'more experienced tech' on a technical call. I put them on hold and transferred them to a MALE technician. I had an excellent mentor that told me not to take those things personally, that the actual issue was that the other person didn't like who they see in the mirror each day.

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neroisstillbanned − INFO. Final warning? Have you had similar incidents at work before?

Misc-fluff − NTA, I would look into finding a new job if they think it is okay for people to verbally abuse an employee unprovoked.

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reknaWank − ESH. It was also extremely unprofessional of you. Next time be the bigger person and walk away

kindness-prevails − I’m a server and I can’t imagine a scenario in which you couldn’t be like hey I absolutely cannot serve these people for this reason and you be forced too. You should have never gone near the table and avoided that situation at all costs because you are at your job.

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[Reddit User] − NTA. This isn't even a, 'I refused to serve them cuz of who they're associated with,' this is a beliigerent customer throwing a fit because of who you are and being shocked that you weren't exactly polite to them. It wasn't the smartest thing to say to them, but that doesn't make you an a**hole.

This isn't 'AI UNprofessional' it's 'Am I the a**hole' and the assholes here are the two lying bullshitting over indulgent parents here who can't stow their crap in public. In future if you see them in your restaurant I'd recommend calling up one of the wait staff or your boss and explaining the situation.

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Site that if you're made to interact with these people **they** will absolutely cause a scene, so it's best you swap spots. Additionally if they start s**t don't return it, and play like you're a victim who doesn't know them. If all else fails playing dumb would probably make them so hilariously mad. 'YOU RUINED OUR DAUGHTERS LIFE!' 'Who?'

Unlikely-Pin-5558 − ESH...as a manager, you KNOW better. As soon as they got abusive, you could have pulled their menus and refused service...you have that right. Instead, you acted as childish as them. Act that way on your own time, not while working.

StrykerC13 − NTA, too many places allow this kind of abuse to their servers constantly and the only way it's going to stop is if these people get put in their place or the servers start doing something about it together.

These hot takes range from fist-bumps to facepalms, with Redditors split on whether the OP was justified or just plain unprofessional. But do their spicy opinions nail the full story, or are they just stirring the pot?

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This tale is a sizzling reminder that the past can sneak up like an uninvited guest, especially in high-stakes settings like a restaurant. The OP’s outburst was a human slip, but her regret and the Reddit debate show there’s no easy answer when old wounds meet new battles. As she navigates her final warning, her story sparks a bigger question about balancing personal history with professional duty. Have you ever faced a past bully in a work setting? What would you do in her shoes? Share your thoughts below!

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