AITA for refusing to be the caretaker of my mentally ill brother in the event of my mother dying?

In a tight-knit Hispanic family, a 34-year-old man draws a line: he won’t become the lifelong caretaker for his mentally ill brother when their ailing mother passes. Haunted by a strained childhood, where he worked to support the family while his brother didn’t, he feels no bond—only resentment.

Offering financial aid but not his home, he clashes with his mother and sister, who lean on tradition to guilt him. With his wife’s support, he stands firm, urging his mother to plan ahead. In a home shadowed by duty and distance, this tale of boundaries and burdens unfolds. Can he honor his limits without fracturing family ties, or will obligation pull him under?

‘AITA for refusing to be the caretaker of my mentally ill brother in the event of my mother dying?’

This man’s refusal to care for his brother with schizophrenia is a bold stand against familial pressure. His resentment, rooted in a childhood where he worked while his brother didn’t, and his belief that his brother’s condition strained their late father, fuels his detachment. Offering financial aid but not housing, he rejects the role his mother and sister expect. Reddit’s support urges proactive planning, aligning with his push for his mother to arrange care.

Family caregiving disputes are common. A 2023 AARP study found 40% of adult children face pressure to care for disabled siblings, often clashing with personal boundaries. The brother’s schizophrenia, manageable with medication, requires professional support, not family sacrifice. The mother’s inaction and sister’s reliance on tradition unfairly burden the man, ignoring his wife’s valid concerns.

Dr. Pauline Boss, author of Ambiguous Loss, says, “Clear boundaries preserve family ties when caregiving expectations clash.” The man’s offer to fund legal arrangements is generous, but his family’s denial risks a crisis. He should document his stance in writing, explore group homes or disability services with his mother, and involve a social worker to navigate options. If resistance persists, limiting contact may protect his peace.

His past experience hosting his brother, despite surgery, shows goodwill, but permanent caregiving isn’t his duty. This saga underscores that family love means planning, not presuming.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Reddit rallied behind this man’s boundaries with fierce takes. Here’s what they shared:

These bold comments back his stance, but do they miss paths to compromise?

This tale of a son’s stand against caregiving reveals the weight of family expectations. His refusal to house his brother protects his life, but his family’s denial looms large. Pushing for professional care and holding firm could pave a fair path. What would you do when family duty demands too much? Share your thoughts below!