AITA for kicking out our youngest child at 19 so we can sell the house and downsize for our earlt retirement?

Charlotte Morse Hours
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A couple’s dream of early retirement hits a family fault line when they decide to sell their spacious rural home, forcing their 19-year-old son to move out with just months’ notice. While they bask in the glow of financial freedom, their youngest, jobless and taking online classes, pleads for the same support his siblings enjoyed until 22, rallying his brother and sister against their parents’ plans.

This isn’t just a housing hiccup—it’s a raw clash of parental duty and personal dreams. The siblings’ united front and Reddit’s sharp rebukes highlight the sting of perceived abandonment. Like a “for sale” sign on a childhood home, the story probes the cost of cutting ties too soon in a tough economic world.

‘AITA for kicking out our youngest child at 19 so we can sell the house and downsize for our earlt retirement?’

My wife and I have three children (25F, 22M, 19M) we're 45. We've both always had the plan to work hard while we're younger and retire early. Thankfully we've gotten lucky in life, and we're now in a position to do that with our savings. The oldest two kids have moved out now, and it's just the youngest who still lives at home.

We have a four bedroom that's in a more rural area, which is a big empty house for just us and our son. The plan is to downsize, sell the house and move to some small place in the city. We hope to travel a lot, so we don't need a huge place. We've decided to sell the house in a few months.

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Our son isn't happy about that, even less so when he couldn't convince us to take him with us. He says it's unfair that his siblings got to live at home until after college, and he has to leave now. We offered to pay first last and security on any place he finds, but he thinks a few months notice wasn't enough to give him time to move and look for a job.

I reminded him that he was lucky to have a good childhood with plenty of luxury, and that even paying to get him settled is a kindness. He accused us of prioritizing our retirement over his wellbeing, and said that we're lucky to be able to retire at all. He took it even further, and got his siblings involved. They supported him to my surprise.

They think we should either be fair and wait another couple years, or take him with us. When we didn't back down, our daughter said he could fly over to her house to stay there, despite sharing a one bedroom with her partner and our granddaughter. I think it's insane that they expect us to put our lives on hold for years just to allow him to live with us.

But none of the kids have been talking to us much, so I guess their united against us. Our older son even said that when he gets a place of his own (He lives with roommates right now) that we won't be welcome to stay there when we vist.

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The parents’ decision to evict their 19-year-old son to facilitate their retirement, while legally permissible, disregards his vulnerability in a brutal economic landscape, especially compared to the support his siblings received. His lack of a job and ongoing education amplify the unfairness, fueling family resentment.

A 2023 study in Journal of Family Issues found that 61% of young adults aged 18-22 rely on parental support due to rising housing and job market barriers (Sage Journals, 2023). Dr. Jeffrey Jensen Arnett, a developmental psychologist, notes, “Emerging adulthood often extends into the mid-20s, requiring parental scaffolding in tough economic times” (JeffreyArnett.com). The parents’ abrupt timeline ignores these realities, risking their son’s stability.

Their offer to cover initial housing costs is a gesture, but it falls short of addressing his unpreparedness. The siblings’ support for him underscores a family divide, with the parents’ focus on “luxury” childhoods missing the mark on current needs. Delaying the sale or including him in the new home could have balanced their goals.

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They should reconsider their timeline, allowing their son a year to secure work or education plans, and explore a two-bedroom downsized home to accommodate him temporarily. Family therapy could mend communication gaps (PsychologyToday.com). Engaging his siblings in planning could rebuild trust.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Reddit’s firing up with scorching takes on this family fallout, dishing out shade and solidarity—brace for the heat!

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[Reddit User] - Listen: if you are looking for validation, there will certainly be people on this sub who tell you that you are in the right, that a 19 year old is an adult and that you have no obligation to him once he is past the age of 18.. I’m here to tell you that they are absolutely wrong and you are most certainly raging assholes.

Nothing in your post indicates any kind of urgency. A 19 year old may legally be an adult and you may legally be in the clear with respect to any obligation to house him, but a 19 year old is still very young. He also had a reasonable expectation that you would house him as you did his siblings

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and give him the same opportunity to get himself settled and established as an adult that your older children had. Instead, you’re throwing him to the wolves of inflation, an unforgiving housing market, and a difficult employment market for young people,

and expecting him to be grateful for that. I am heartened to see your older kids, at least, are standing by their younger brother. Somehow you’ve raised them with values better than your own. Of that, at least, you should be proud.. YTA.

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wolfpupower - YTA. He’s 19 but your kid is always your kid and he is saying he can’t afford to live on his own. You say you are financially capable of downsizing and retiring but won’t wait for your son to move out. It’s s**tty economic times for everyone but you’re okay with kicking your kid out and possibly going homeless? Like you can’t even wait another year or two possibly?

NeeliSilverleaf - INFO do you expect to stay in your children's lives at all?

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irrevocably_an_olive - YTA, From your other comments I see that the older two siblings moved out at 22, what’s any different about this kid? why can’t he stay longer?In this economy a 19 year old who is working part time and going to school cannot afford to live on his own even if you do pay, first last and security.

cracktop2727 - YTA. Generational wealth is one of the biggest contributing factors, especially in todays age, for success of children. Unless you have an alterative for him, you're putting him at a huge disadvantage. By doing this - you're not just hurting him emotionally - you're f**king up at least the next decade of his finances.

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Just because your kids are 18 doesn't mean you're done being a parent. You chose to have kids, and all the responsibility that comes along with that. You are free to retire early - but is your early retirement worth f**king up your child's entire financial future?

not_a_bad_egg - YTA .You gave up on parenting before the job was done.

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journeyintopressure - YTA. Lmao you did the bare minimum by raising your kid, booted him and you are surprised none of them are happy?. that even paying to get him settled is a kindness.. Why have children if you treat them like this?

Major_Barnacle_2212 - I was really prepared to say it was your right to retire until I saw that he’s taking online classes and has no job. He literally will have no means to continue his education and you’ve hardly seen him through to adulthood. Sure, you checked the box, but he will resent you for pulled the plug on supporting him.. I actually do think YTA. Even your children are willing to sacrifice for their family.

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dazed1984 - YTA. Why can’t he still live with you? Are you downsizing to a 1 bed so there will literally be no space? Can your finances really not stretch to a 2 bed? I think it’s harsh at 19 to kick out your kid life is very different and harder financially than it was when you were 19, despite being an adult it is still a young age.

thatsarealquickno - YTA. Selfish, selfish assholes. Why the hell did you even have kids. You’d better save some of that money for a good nursing home and aides because your kids are sure as hell not going to care for you.

These are Reddit’s fiercest opinions, but do they map the full terrain of duty versus dreams?

This saga of a rushed retirement and a son left scrambling is a piercing look at where parental responsibility meets personal ambition. Reddit slams the parents for shortchanging their youngest, while his siblings’ loyalty highlights family bonds under strain

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It’s a vivid reminder that early freedom shouldn’t cost a child’s stability. How would you juggle retirement plans with a young adult’s needs? Spill your thoughts below—let’s unpack this family firestorm!

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