AITA for refusing to stop calling my daughter ‘my love’?

Picture a family video chat, buzzing with coos and giggles as a new mom shows off her 4-month-old daughter, nicknamed “Poppet” or “My Love.” But in a heartbeat, the warm fuzzies turn frosty when her older sister, ever the spotlight magnet, demands a linguistic ceasefire. Why? Her new boyfriend claims “my love” as their exclusive term. The mom’s refusal to ditch her daughter’s pet name ignites a fiery clash, leaving the family divided.

This tale of sisterly rivalry and maternal pride is as juicy as a soap opera, with Reddit users chiming in like a virtual peanut gallery. From heartfelt nicknames to family drama, it’s a story that makes you wonder: who gets to decide what we call our loved ones? Let’s dive into the chaos and see what unfolded.

‘AITA for refusing to stop calling my daughter ‘my love’?’

Some background: my (28f) older sister (33f) has a habit of making everything about her, has done our whole lives, we are 2 of 4 siblings (another sister and a brother). For example, my wedding 4 years ago she had a massive fight with significant other and then announced a pregnancy, 2 days later told us it was a false alarm.

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And she was just late, when I announced my pregnancy she announced she had broken up with her significant other, less than a week after I gave birth to my daughter she announced she was engaged (to a different guy, that she has since broken up with as well).

She has also done similar with other family members, including her own children. She has 3 children from 2 different dads and has been engaged and broken up with 3 different guys in the last year. We had a family video chat to catch up so everyone could see my daughter (4 months old), no one has had a great deal of face to face contact due to restrictions and distance, some family members have yet to meet her in person.

I use lots of nicknames for my daughter, mainly bubble, poppet or a shortened version of her name (think izzy if her name was isabelle), but occasionally use terms of endearment such as, sweetheart, my darling or my love. While on the video chat my sister asked me not to use my love as her new boyfriend calls her that, she's been 'talking to him' for about a month and is now apparently moving in next week.

I apologised and said I wouldn't use it around her, thinking this was reasonable. She said no, I had to never use it again, I wasn't allowed to call my daughter that and she found it really inappropriate as it really should just be used in a romantic setting. This confused me and I refused, I said I could call my daughter whatever I pleased and I would simply avoid using the term in front of her.

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She got very defensive and went on to insult my parenting skills. Here is where I may be the AH, I told her, just because her new guy couldnt remember her name long enough to use it, and chances are none of us would put the effort into learning his, doesn't mean I need to change what I call my daughter. She flipped out and left the call, some family members are on my side, some say I was too harsh, am I the AH in this?

Family video chats should be about bonding, not battling over pet names. The new mom’s clash with her sister highlights a classic sibling power struggle. The sister’s demand to reserve “my love” for her boyfriend of one month reeks of her pattern of stealing the spotlight. Meanwhile, the mom’s sharp retort, while witty, escalated the tension. Both are asserting control—one over attention, the other over her child’s identity.

This spat reflects broader issues of family boundaries. A 2019 study in the Journal of Family Psychology found that sibling rivalry often stems from perceived favoritism or competition for validation. Here, the sister’s need to dominate family moments clashes with the mom’s parental autonomy.

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Psychologist Dr. John Gottman, an expert in family dynamics, says, “Healthy boundaries in families require respecting individual roles, especially in parenting”. The sister’s attempt to police her sister’s language oversteps, as nicknames like “my love” are common for children and not inherently romantic. The mom’s compromise to avoid the term around her sister was reasonable, but her jab about the boyfriend’s fleeting presence fueled the fire.

For resolution, the mom could set firm boundaries, calmly reiterating her right to choose her daughter’s nicknames. Family therapy might help address the sister’s attention-seeking patterns. Ignoring her outbursts, as Reddit suggests, could also reduce drama, letting the mom focus on her daughter’s joy.

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Heres what people had to say to OP:

Reddit didn’t hold back, serving up laughs and shade in equal measure! Here’s what the community had to say about this nickname showdown:

9okm − NTA. Lol, ignore her. In the future, don't engage, just say 'That's ridiculous, I'm not doing that.' and move on.

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jg700 − NTA the elderly lady in the post office calls me 'my love' all the time 🤣 your sister is nuts

Ju5tSomeb0dyEls3 − NTA. Feel bad for this woman's poor kids! Congrats on the baby!

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Every_Spread_5086 − NTA love the come back, she sounds like hard work maybe go lc for peace of mind

annabelle1378 − Sorry but your dig at her was AWESOME 🤣🤣🤣. NTA

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IamPlatycus − Please don't call your daughter 'sweetheart,' that's what I call my imaginary girlfriend of six weeks, so I'm pretty sure my situation takes precedence. NTA.

AimMick − NTA. I mean, was it a cheap shot?? Maybe. But it sounds like a lot of frustration with her behaviour has just been let go over the years. So I wouldn’t classify it as AH-ish.. What I do think as AH-ish is her thinking she has ownership over a term of endearment.

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ForwardPlenty − NTA You gave her exactly what she wanted. She changed the whole tone of the call to focus on her, made some ridiculous claim so that she could blow up and then storm out of the chat. She even managed to get some people on her side to continue fighting the battle for her and make sure she gets all the attention.

She will be back with some other self serving excuse to grab the spotlight, an what you can do is to absolutely ignore her announcement, her histrionics, her weeping and wailing over some perceived slight. Point it out to others, make it a game to see how long it takes during someone else's moment for her to pitch a fit and grab the center of attention.

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[Reddit User] − Siblings like your sister are the reason i'm glad to be an only child.

sarahwalka − GOOD FOR YOU! NTA! your sister sounds like she's needs professional mental health help

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These spicy takes light up the thread, but do they cut through the family fog or just fan the flames?

This story of a mom defending her daughter’s nickname against her sister’s demands is a reminder that love—however you say it—is worth fighting for. The Reddit crowd cheered, but the family rift lingers. Have you ever clashed with a sibling over something small that felt huge? What would you do if someone tried to dictate your terms of endearment? Drop your thoughts below and let’s keep the conversation rolling!

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