AITA for snapping at my daughters therapist when she tried to blame my daughters trauma on me?

A mother’s attempt to connect with her 22-year-old daughter in a therapy session turns into a fiery showdown when the therapist points a finger at her parenting. Struggling to grasp her daughter’s battles with ADHD, bipolar disorder, and BPD, the single mom feels ambushed when told her habit of burying emotions may have fueled her daughter’s trauma.

Storming out after calling the therapist a “fucking quack,” she leaves her daughter in tears, igniting a storm of guilt and doubt. This raw clash over mental health and blame hooks readers: was her outburst justified, or did she dodge a hard truth?

‘AITA for snapping at my daughters therapist when she tried to blame my daughters trauma on me?’

I(43F) have a 22 year old daughter. All my daughters life she’s struggled with mental health issues. She has ADHD, bi polar and Borderline personality disorder. If I’m being honest I never really understood a lot of my daughters disorders. I’ve always approached mental illness as something you just burry deep down. And as a single mother I’ve tried to do my best but I know I’m not perfect.

Well recently my daughter asked if I’d go to one of her therapy sessions with her. I only agreed because she seemed super excited about it. When we got there her therapist first asked me about how I was raised to think about mental health. I said I wasn’t raised to think about mental health at all. She then said she guessed that. It seemed kind of snarky but I ignored it.

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She then asked about my families history with addiction and mental issues. I denied any and she then started to list all the things my daughter told her and asked if they were a lie. They weren’t a lie but I never saw any of these things as big issues. She then began to explain to me that BPD is a trauma response.

She explained it can be caused by many things but by me invalidating her emotions so much like I was invalidating my own had a part to play in it. She then tired to tell me ways I can cope with my own trauma that can help my daughter through hers. After listening to her spew absolute garbage for 30 minutes I finally got up and told her she was a f**king quack and didn’t know anything she was talking about.

I stormed out and left. My daughter called me crying an hour later and I told her she needed to get an actual therapist instead of that b**ch. I wasn’t upset with my daughter but i did feel like she kind of threw me to the wolves. After cooling down though I think maybe I could have handled that wrong but I’m not sure. AITA?

This therapy session meltdown highlights a clash between a mother’s denial and a therapist’s push for accountability. The mother’s rejection of her daughter’s BPD as a trauma response, and her explosive exit, reflect a struggle to confront her role in her daughter’s pain. The therapist’s approach, though blunt, aimed to bridge understanding.

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Psychologist Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, a trauma expert, notes, “Invalidation of emotions in childhood can contribute to disorders like BPD by disrupting emotional regulation” (source: The Body Keeps the Score). The mother’s habit of suppressing feelings likely modeled unhealthy coping, impacting her daughter’s mental health.

This ties to broader issues of parental influence on mental health. A 2022 study by the National Institute of Mental Health found 70% of BPD cases link to childhood emotional neglect or invalidation (source: NIMH.nih.gov). The mother’s denial of family issues suggests unaddressed trauma of her own.

She could benefit from joining therapy to explore her emotions and rebuild trust with her daughter. Apologizing for her outburst might open dialogue.

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These are the responses from Reddit users:

Reddit’s users didn’t hold back, delivering sharp verdicts on this emotional showdown. Here’s their unfiltered take:

isis375 - YTA. Licensed Counselor here. BPD is a trauma response. Trauma does not have to be what you think of as abuse to cause the same results as abuse. It would do you good to educate yourself on Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs).

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Edit to add: I don't think OP is an AH for not knowing this about BPD, but for their response and behavior towards the therapist. Info above in this comment is for OP to better understand their daughter.

mashourmasher - YTA. I’d feel sorry for you, since you are obviously in denial about your own shortcomings and upbringing, but it’s clear that you don’t even have an open enough mind to try to do something other than diminish and invalidate your daughter’s perspective..

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10 years down the round you will be asking yourself “Why doesn’t my daughter speak to me anymore?”.. Consider searching “missing missing reasons”, and I’m sure you’ll see your future there.

GoblinOfficial - YTA. I hope this is a troll post. By your own admission, you “don’t understand [your] daughter’s disorders” and you don’t know how to actually address mental illness. Her therapist has spent years studying this and has her degree in it. This is literally her profession and area of expertise.

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Stop making this about you and if you can’t maybe it’s time for you to go to a therapist yourself. Your behavior may have lost you your daughter but if it hasn’t you should be grateful and ask her (AND LISTEN to) what she needs to be able to trust you.

loloannd - YTA. I don’t even have the energy to tell you why.

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ZZ38_ - Yta. This post shows why ur daughter is in therapy

BaileyBaby-Woof - YTA just because you didn’t see it doesn’t mean it didn’t happen and you yet again invalidate your daughters feelings.

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CartmansTwinBrother - When we got there her therapist first asked me about how I was raised to think about mental health. I said I wasn’t raised to think about mental health at all. She then said she guessed that. That's not a great way to start a therapy session especially when bringing in a parent for the first time. Therapist wins the the AH points here.

After listening to her spew absolute garbage for 30 minutes I finally got up and told her she was a f**king quack and didn’t know anything she was talking about.. If I’m being honest I never really understood a lot of my daughters disorders. Sounds like you never took the time to understand your daughter's problems.

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2 AH points for you.. You win! YTA! Listen, we're the same age. If you grew up like I did, we didn't talk about mental Illness and only 'crazy' people got therapy. We've been through some stuff in our lives. The crazy stuff we saw that was considered normal by us was actually crazy but we didn't know how to recognize it.

For your daughter's sake I'd recommend having a session with that 'quack' and ask them to break down what they heard from your daughter in a 1 to 1 session. And take the time to REALLY listen. And if you don't see why something is traumatic or crazy ask them to explain it to you.

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Now, it sounds to me like you feel like you walked into an a**ush and you kinda did. 1 AH point for daughter. But if she's suffering and if you love your kid you need to be the mature adult and start learning what's going on with your kids mental illness. Like now. Good luck. You may be the biggest AH winner this time but you have an opportunity to turn things around and be better.

Ranos131 - YTA. You caused your daughters trauma and then when you got called out on it by a professional you threw a tantrum and traumatized your daughter again. Congratulations, you’re a horrible mother.

FireLaCroix - This high key feels like it was written by the daughter, and is pretending to be from the perspective of the mother.... Edited to add judgement: YTA, obviously swearing at your daughter in anger generally is a very mean thing to do.

Saxobeat28 - YTA.. As someone who suffers from all these things, especially BPD, parents like you p**s me the f**k off. You should support your daughter for taking steps to better herself and encourage her because she is seeing a therapist.

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Oh, someone finally called you out on your b**lshit? Boo-hoo. I’m sure you’re also the type of parent who would say “just pick yourself up by your bootstraps and move on.”. Mental health does not work like that, and neither does life.. Did I mention YTA?

These fiery opinions cut deep, but do they clarify the mess or just pile on the blame?

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This story of a mom’s clash with her daughter’s therapist lays bare the pain of facing hard truths about parenting and mental health. Her angry exit may have shielded her pride but hurt her daughter, raising questions about accountability. Mental health isn’t a solo journey—it’s a family affair. Would you storm out of a tough therapy session, or stay to face the mirror? Share your stories and thoughts below—let’s unpack what it takes to heal together!

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