AITA for not letting my daughter get her license, but allowing her younger brother get his?

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The purr of a car engine sparks joy in 17-year-old Lisa, but for Gary, her dad, it’s a heart-pounding worry. Lisa, though sweet, drives distractedly—tweaking the radio, peeking at her phone, once even running a red light. Gary decided she needs more practice before getting her license  Meanwhile, her 16-year-old brother Dan sails through lessons with focus, earning his license fast.

Lisa’s now fuming, feeling her dad favors her brother. In their quiet suburban neighborhood, Gary’s love for his daughter clashes with her push for independence. Can he soothe her hurt feelings without compromising safety, or will this drive a wedge between them?

‘AITA for not letting my daughter get her license, but allowing her younger brother get his?’

High everyone. It feels weird bringing this here, but feel free to give me your opinions, and maybe I can look at it a different way. My name is Gary(47m) and I have two children. One is Lisa (17f) and Dan (16m). There mother is lent very active in their lives but that’s a different matter.

I love Lisa more than life, and she doesn’t do anything that would make someone call her trouble, but she’s not as mature as others her age. I have to reminder her pretty often to do her homework, feed the dog, do her laundry, and clean her bathroom. Maybe that’s just teenage stuff? It does feeds into the issue to be honest.

When she got her permit I took her driving a several hours a week, and she was kind of aloof. Messing with the radio, checking her cell phone, forgetting to check her mirrors often. I will say she was always aware of her speed. She ran a red light once because she was looking a the light at a different section and hit the gas when it turned green...

she realized what she did before I could even clinch my cheeks, but that could had went very bad. I decided with all that she wasn’t ready for the responsibility quite yet, and we would keep practicing and learning for 6 months before coming back to the re-evaluate. She wasn’t happy with my decision, but I want to protect her.

Dan isn’t the polar opposite or anything, but he seems to watch his sister and learn from her mistakes. I rarely have to ask him to do his chores, and when that he got his permit it was night to day. He made sure everyone was buckled, he was aware of his actions, and was alert to his actions. It was obvious he was ready for the road after three months.

My daughter has not taken this news well at all. She feels embarrassed and down right angry. She thinks I’m favoring him while I don’t think I am at all. I get she’s a year older, but I can’t risk her life and the lives of others right? Am I wrong here? I don’t want to cause a divide between my kids or myself. I want my daughter to be happy but I also want her to be safe.

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Edit** hey guys, I’m totally fine with the YTA judgments and expected them, but please think of the stakes. A lot of people are saying deal with the consequences when they arrive.. I can’t deal with death like it’s nothing and serious bodily harm is a real risk.

Gary’s decision to delay Lisa’s license while granting Dan’s is a parenting tightrope walk. Lisa’s distracted driving—fiddling with the radio, checking her phone, and running a red light—shows she’s not ready for the road. Dan, however, drives with focus, earning his license swiftly. This contrast highlights a common parental dilemma: balancing fairness with individual readiness. Gary’s choice prioritizes safety but risks fueling Lisa’s resentment.

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Teen driving safety is a serious issue. Motor vehicle crashes are a leading cause of teen deaths, with 43% of first-year drivers in accidents, often due to distractions like phones, which cause 25% of crashes. Gary’s caution is justified, but Lisa’s feelings of unfairness need addressing to prevent family tension.

Dr. John Duffy, a clinical psychologist, notes, “Teens see fairness as equal treatment, but parents must prioritize safety and readiness.” This applies to Lisa, whose embarrassment stems from being the older sibling yet feeling sidelined. Gary should explain that driving is a privilege earned through responsibility, not age.

Lisa’s inattention, like forgetting chores or missing mirrors, might suggest deeper issues. ADHD, often underdiagnosed in girls, can show as poor focus or executive dysfunction. A professional evaluation could clarify if this affects her driving. Meanwhile, Gary should schedule regular practice with Lisa, setting firm rules—like no phone use—to build her skills. Family talks could also ease tensions, letting Lisa voice her frustrations.

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To move forward, Gary can frame his decision as protective, not punitive, and involve Lisa in a clear plan to earn her license. This approach balances safety with empathy, helping Lisa grow while keeping the roads safe.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

The Reddit community didn’t hold back, serving up candid and spicy takes on Gary’s dilemma. Here’s what they had to say:

idrow1 - NTA She sounds like a danger to everyone on the road and the fact that she doesn't recognize that makes it even scarier to think about her driving unsupervised. But work with her on a regular basis and if she needs extra instruction and supervision,

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make yourself available for that. Tell her you'll go out for practice more and most importantly, if she even picks up her phone while driving, that's another 3 months to wait. She seems easily distracted and that's the number one temptation. If she kills someone, she can't take it back by saying sorry.

[Reddit User] - NTA. If that's how she drives then she has no business driving, but also, why are you LETTING her drive like that?? Specifically, why do you let her CHECK HER PHONE while she's driving??

0biterdicta - NTA. But are you sure the fact that you have to remind her to do regular tasks all the time is just 'regular teenage stuff'? ADHD and similar are notoriously under diagnosed in women because they don't present the same way they do in men. I'd suggest doing a little research into the symptoms and if that sounds like your daughter, get her in to talk to a professional. You can also look up executive dysfunction.

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totallycalledla-a - NTA. The phone checking alone is reason to keep her off the road for now. 6 months learning and practicing and reassessing is reasonable. I think we as a society really underplay the seriousness of driving a car and what a huge responsibility that is.

scoobaroo - NTA. Anyone who says you are Y-T-A is bonkers. Your daughter needs to understand that she is driving a 3000lb+ machine that could easily get someone killed by it. If you haven't already, maybe show her some video's on how stuff like texting and driving has killed others. And the fact that your daughter isn't acknowledging that what she is doing is dangerous is absolutely alarming.

JoeFas - NTA one bit. 25% crashes today are caused by idiots on their phones. I was once hit by a cop texting on his, and if a professionally trained driver can s**ew up that easily, your daughter is no more immune. She needs to internalize that a motor vehicle is a 1-3 ton metal cage capable of causing instantaneous death.

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Try approaching your daughter with an argument from the consent basis. She probably understands the concept of consent with other things, and driving is no different. When she doesn't pay attention to the road and fails to drive defensively,

she is unilaterally placing other people at risk without their consent. Ask her if she thinks that is okay. If she can't be responsible enough for basic things like chores, she isn't ready to take on the responsibility of piloting an automobile among others.

Random_User_133 - and she was kind of aloof. Messing with the radio, **checking her cell phone.**. Keep her off the road, there are enough idiots already.. NTA

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rosieposey98 - NTA. I’d look into local drivers Ed classes (not sure if your state requires it) for her. At least two things she’s done while driving could land her with some serious fines or losing her license within weeks of getting it.

You’re protecting her and the others on the road and truthfully I wish more parents were like you in this aspect. ETA: according to safety insurance 43% of first year drivers get into a wreck. It would be terrible for everyone if it was because of a distraction.

jfcfanfic - NTA...OP seems like you are lucky. You have found a couple of willing donors in Reddit to pay you the car, hospital bills, or sadly a coffin in the worse case scenario. They don't seem to get the consequences behind such a terrible accident for some weird reason. Driving is a privilege... and if she doesn't like it she can wait to be an adult, pay for her own car and her own insurance. Thus not affecting you in any way.

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MandaDian - NTA. Driving is a privilege, not a right, especially as a teenager. Your daughter showed that she was not mature and responsible enough to accept that privilege right away, while your son was.

These opinions pack a punch, but do they capture the full picture? Reddit’s chorus leans heavily on safety, but navigating sibling dynamics adds another layer.

Gary’s story is a bumpy ride through the challenges of parenting teens, where safety and fairness don’t always align. His heart’s in the right place, protecting Lisa from the risks of the road, but her hurt feelings signal a need for open communication. By doubling down on practice and empathy, Gary can steer this family toward smoother roads. What would you do if you were in Gary’s shoes? Share your thoughts—how would you balance safety with keeping the peace at home?

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