AITA for calling my “boyfriend’s” baby’s mother after he left him with me because of an emergency?

In a whirlwind of panic, a woman’s casual fling turned chaotic when her partner dropped his 11-month-old son on her doorstep, citing a family emergency, and bolted without her consent. Uncomfortable with kids and aware of the mother’s distrust, she contacted the baby’s mom, who swiftly sent the godmother to retrieve him. Her partner’s furious return, blaming her for custody drama, ended their arrangement and left her questioning her actions.

This Reddit tale unpacks a messy clash of trust and responsibility, where a hasty childcare dump tests personal boundaries. The woman’s quick thinking prioritized the child’s safety, but sparked a firestorm with her partner. With ethics and emotions colliding, this story pulls readers into a drama of duty, defiance, and done deals.

‘AITA for calling my “boyfriend’s” baby’s mother after he left him with me because of an emergency?’

I (26F) have been with Marcus (30M) for 4 months. He has an 11-month-old son from his former relationship. I only saw this baby twice, because I don't like children and his mother has already expressed several times that she doesn't feel comfortable with me seeing her baby, because she doesn't know me and doesn't trust me (I don't judge her for that).

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Both times I met him, it was by chance on the street while Marcus and I were together and found the mother/grandmother on the street with the baby (yes, it was super weird). And before you ask, we don't consider dating, although we are currently exclusive, we are just friends with benefits who are too lazy to meet other people and we are comfortable with each other.

We never sleep at each other's house and only meet in the middle of the week, as he has guard over the baby's weekends. Saturday afternoon, Marcus showed up at home with his son and said he needed help, because there was an emergency in the family and he needed to go to the city where they live and it wouldn't be possible to go with the baby (2h away).

The mother and maternal grandparents had traveled. He didn't even allow me an answer, he just gave me the baby and the bag with everything and left. I tried calling, texting, but he just told me to suck It up for a few hours and then he would reward me, because it was an emergency.

I don't know how to take care of babies, I really don't feel comfortable and he knows that very well. And after several times telling him to come back because I don't want to be responsible for taking care of the baby, he just hung up his cell.

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I thought about calling the police, but I decided to text the baby's mother (instagram), telling her the situation. His godmother showed up not even 10 minutes to pick him up. At night, Marcus came home yelling that I caused a huge mess since he asked for a favor because of an emergency and I was the only one who 'accepted' (the others couldn't).

And that I caused an unnecessary problem with his custody, since the mother would file a request for a review.. Obviously we're 'done'. I would like an opinion from the outside, some friends sided with me, others did not.. AITA?

Dumping an 11-month-old on a casual partner of four months, without consent, is not just irresponsible—it’s reckless. Marcus’s actions, leaving his son with a woman who openly dislikes childcare and whom the baby’s mother distrusts, violated basic parenting ethics. The woman’s decision to contact the mother was not only justified but commendable, ensuring the child’s safety with a trusted caregiver. Her discomfort underscores the importance of respecting boundaries.

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Marcus’s failure to explore obvious options—like the godmother, who arrived in 10 minutes—suggests he bypassed responsible solutions, possibly out of convenience or panic. His later outburst, blaming her for custody issues, reeks of deflection, ignoring his own negligence. The mother’s swift response and intent to review custody highlight the gravity of his lapse, as infants require secure, familiar care.

Dr. Jessica Griffin, a child psychology expert, notes, “Leaving a child with an unprepared caregiver risks emotional and physical harm, especially without parental consent.” The woman’s choice to avoid police involvement, opting instead for the mother, showed restraint while prioritizing the child. Marcus’s attempt to “reward” her later, implying transactional motives, further erodes his credibility, signaling disrespect for her boundaries.

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Moving forward, the woman should stand firm in ending the relationship, recognizing Marcus’s irresponsibility as a red flag. Her actions protected the child and respected the mother’s wishes, earning praise from Reddit’s community. This story highlights the critical need for mutual consent in childcare and the courage to uphold boundaries, even under pressure, ensuring safety over sentiment.

Heres what people had to say to OP:

Reddit users unanimously backed the woman, calling Marcus’s actions child abandonment and praising her for contacting the mother promptly. They criticized his failure to consult the mother or godmother first, noting the latter’s quick response disproved his “no options” claim. Many saw his yelling and custody blame as gaslighting, urging her to see the end of their fling as a dodged bullet.

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The community emphasized the mother’s right to review custody, given Marcus’s negligence, and lauded the woman for respecting the mother’s distrust of her as a caregiver. Some cautioned that calling the police might have escalated things but agreed her solution was responsible. The debate underscores the importance of parental accountability and respecting non-parents’ boundaries in emergencies.

NUT-me-SHELL − NTA. He didn’t ask you for help - he abandoned his kid at your place. Sounds like his child’s mother has every reason to request a review of the custody agreement.

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scarlet-spider815 − Considering the mother got someone to get the kid immediately after you told her the situation, I doubt he exhausted all of his options before dumping his baby on you. I doubt he even asked the mother.

Mother has every right to call in a review. To be honest, even if you liked kids and were willing to help him out, he shouldn't be abandoning his infant child to someone he's been casually seeing for only a few months.. And the gaslighting is unreal from him.. NTA. You dodged a huge bullet here. S**tty partner, s**tty father.

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Queen_Sized_Beauty − NTA it was *super* inappropriate to leave a baby with you without not only *your* consent, but without the mothers consent. You are not in a relationship, and have only been around 4 months! Not to mention the fact that he knows you're not comfortable with babies and don't know how to care for them. He didn't even ask, basically just threw the kid at you and left!

TheSciFiGuy80 − I’m trying to figure out why he didn’t just call the baby’s mother and go to her godmother in the first place? NTA because he really didn’t ask. He just kind of dumped and ran. I feel for him because it may have been a real emergency but still… he could have handled this many other ways (though I would have said calling the PD would have been a bit much).

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But a word to the wise, if you date people with kids, you need to learn to get comfortable with them. Because you may have to take care of a kid at some point in that relationship.

As an aside: This sub has made me very grateful for all the friends and family I have who will help out in an emergency (even if they’re a little uncomfortable with it or it ruins their plans).

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[Reddit User] − NTA and you did him a favor by not calling the police on him for freaking child abandonment. You did the responsible thing-- you recognized that you weren't the correct caregiver for Marcus's child and called the mother. Marcus created his own problems by not calling her first and not sorting out his child care appropriately.

MikoAmaya − NTA. If the child's godmother was able to pick the child up within 10 minutes, why didn't he just go to her first instead of practically abandoning his child with a person the mother he shares custody with has specifically said

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they don't want their child with (no offense to you)? And then to refuse to come back and ignore your calls after you made your non-consent to this baby abandonment very clear? He is very much the one in the wrong.

QueenYeen − NTA you did the right thing. - That's not the kind of relationship you two had. - He ignored your stated boundaries. - He ignored your no. - He made it really gross by trying to trade child care for s**.

You weren't equipped to care for the baby and found the right person who is If his emergency was like he said he should have gone to the baby's mother; I find it really unlikely she wouldn't have made an arrangement given how quickly she did for you

biggbabyg − As a mother, I cannot explain to you how grateful I would be if my kid ended up in this kind of situation and someone promptly notified me so I could get my child to a caregiver I knew and trusted. You are the exact opposite of an AH, OP. You did good. NTA.

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masterspook − NTA. He didn’t ask you, and the mother said she’s not comfortable with you watching the baby, so you were being respectful of her wishes.

plscallmeRain − NTA. You did the right thing, he did not. That simple.

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This chaotic childcare saga shows how a partner’s reckless dump can unravel trust and ties. The woman’s call to the baby’s mother was a lifeline for the child, but cost her a fling—worth it? Clear boundaries and quick thinking saved the day. What would you do if handed a kid you couldn’t handle? Share your thoughts—let’s keep this heated debate alive!

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