AITA For Refusing To Host My Nieces When I’d Rather Hike The Mountains?

Imagine standing at the edge of a rugged Colorado trail, the scent of pine and freedom in the air, only to get a call that threatens to tether you to family drama. A woman in her mountain haven faced just that when her sister proposed sending her two young nieces for a weeks-long summer stay. A passionate hiker who’s conquered the Colorado Trail twice, she’s built a life of adventure, far from a family that rarely reaches out. Her blunt refusal—prioritizing her trails over unfamiliar nieces—ignited a firestorm of guilt-tripping emails and accusations.

The tension runs deeper than a summer schedule clash. Years of one-sided efforts to stay connected left her feeling like an outsider in her own family. Now, her sister’s request feels less like bonding and more like a convenient way to offload parenting duties. Readers might wonder: is she wrong to choose her own path over family ties she barely knows?

‘AITA For Refusing To Host My Nieces When I’d Rather Hike The Mountains?’

I'm an avid hiker/backpacker and spend a lot of my free time doing things that allow me to engage with those hobbies. Typically, I spend weeks at a time in the summer outdoors hiking, backpacking, etc. I've completed the Colorado trail twice, and have done long stretches of the Continental Divide Trail as well.

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I live in a little mountain town where it's a cinch to just rent out my place for those weeks. My sister got the bright idea to tell me that she wanted to fly out her two little girls to stay with me for a few weeks over the summer. I've never met my nieces. I moved away from home when I was 18 and have not gone back to visit, and god forbid any of them visit me.

When I first moved, I made an attempt to keep in touch and involve them in my life, but it wasn't reciprocated. No one ever calls me, reaches out to me first, etc. I just bluntly told her that I'm not interested. She demanded to know why. I explained that I spend my summers going all over the place, touching down for a weekend and then heading off elsewhere.

She said that I could change my plans for one summer, and that it was time for me to get to know my nieces. What I really heard was 'I've been cooped up with them for this past year due to the pandemic and now I want to make them someone else's burden. Here, you take them.' I told her that I wouldn't be changing my plans.

She told me that this was my chance to make up for being a crappy member of the family and moving away, and that her girls just wanted to get to know their aunt. I asked her why she thought me getting to know my nieces was beneficial to me in any way, as in, what would meeting them do to enrich my life?

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She didn't have an answer for me, and a few days later, I got a scathing email from my Mom telling me that she can't believe I have no interest in meeting my nieces or getting to know them, what kind of person did she raise, do I want to be a part of this family, etc. I don't think I'm an a**hole for this. For the record, this isn't an 'I hate kids' thing. My best friend here has three kids, and the four of us go on a lot of adventures together.

Family ties can feel like a tightrope when they’re stretched across years of distance. The original poster (OP) faced a sister’s bold request to host her young nieces, despite a history of minimal contact. Her refusal reflects a life carved out on her terms—hiking trails, not chasing family approval. The sister’s push, coupled with their mother’s scathing email, suggests an expectation that family obligations trump personal choice, ignoring the OP’s long-standing estrangement.

This scenario highlights a broader issue: the pressure to prioritize family despite fractured bonds. A 2022 Pew Research study found that 40% of adults report strained family relationships due to differing values or lifestyles (pewresearch.org). The OP’s love for hiking clashes with her sister’s assumption that she should play aunt on demand, revealing a disconnect in expectations.

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Psychologist Dr. Joshua Coleman, an expert on family estrangement, states, “Adult children often distance themselves when they feel their needs or boundaries aren’t respected” (drjoshuacoleman.com). The OP’s family ignored her attempts to connect years ago, yet now expects her to rearrange her life. Her blunt question—what’s in it for her?—may seem cold but reflects a valid need for mutual effort.

To move forward, the OP could propose a shorter visit, like a weekend, where she controls the terms—perhaps a guided hike to share her world. If her sister insists on weeks-long stays, setting clear boundaries is key. Rebuilding family ties takes mutual respect, not guilt trips. For now, the OP’s choice to protect her lifestyle is a stand for her own happiness.

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Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Reddit’s got no shortage of spice when it comes to family drama, and this tale of trails versus tots brought out some fiery takes. Here’s what the online crowd had to say:

Rage-Parrot − NTA - They only keep in touch when they need something from you. 'I've been cooped up with them for this past year due to the pandemic and now I want to make them someone else's burden. Here, you take them.'. Hit the nail on the head here.

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Gnomer81 − NTA Your sister is o**rwhelmed, and looking for a break. That is understandable, but she can’t ship them off to a family member they’ve never met. And wanting them to stay for several weeks is a LONG time. I visit my nieces and nephews, and there is NO WAY IN F- that I would keep them *weeks.* Maybe one night, max. And that’s every few years (we are out of state).

They are crazy and wild, and it’s not my responsibility to babysit them so their mom can have a break. If you had a relationship with them, and an older teenager (essentially self sufficient) came to stay by your invitation it would be different. But this is too much. The sister can fly the family out for a week and go hiking with you if she wants a vacation, or she can find summer camps or activities for the kids for a break.

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terrapharma − NTA. Your sister has the gall to expect you to babysit her kids for her for weeks for free. They have never met you. It would be traumatizing for some children to travel so far (alone, at their age?) Can they even fly alone at that age? And be met by a total stranger they have to live with for weeks.

Your mother thinks this is a fine idea. No wonder you stopped trying with them. Your sister certainly isn't thinking about the needs of her children, let alone your needs. This is grossly entitled and selfish behavior. Of course you set firm boundaries. Have fun on your expeditions this summer with a clear conscience.

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StAlvis − INFO. What does your sister have scheduled that summer, that she's so desperate to get rid of her daughters?. This reeks of 'I want to go on vacation without my kids.'

Tasty_Research_1869 − Oof, this one kind of hit close for me. NTA, but.... I WAS one of your nieces, when I was little. I essentially did not know my uncle, I had met him once briefly, but he lived on the opposite side of the country and lived a very different life he was always camping and backpacking and traveling.

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When I was eleven, for reasons I honestly still am not sure of to this day, I was sent to spend a few weeks with him in the summer. I wasn't too thrilled, he wasn't too thrilled, but it happened. And he became one of the most important people in my life, and the bond we had thanks to that time together was something that made me the person I am today. And I ended up catching his love of nature and camping myself.

I guess I'm just saying that you are under 0 obligation to let your nieces come stay with you and in this situation I don't think you should, but the idea of getting to know them in general may not be such an awful thing. They're still kids, and may not turn out as crummy as the rest of your family. Especially if they end up with a better influence in their lives.

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brokeanail − You didn't hear a word from her until she wanted someone to take her kids off her hands? NTA.

heretoomuch − ESH- I think you're right on her reason for this, making her an a**hole, but you also flat out said that you don't do things unless they benefit you. That part makes you an a**hole. I don't think you should take them in, but the 'what's in it for me' sucks. asked her why she thought me getting to know my nieces was beneficial to me in any way, as in, what would meeting them do to enrich my life?

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DowntownDetective418 − NTA So she wants to fly out her little girls to spend weeks with someone they don't know? Yeah, I think she wants a breaks and make you a free babysitter. If she was interested in being in touch she would suggest visiting with her daughters when you are at home, or just calling you often.

throwawayincase6271 − Going against the grain here but ESH. To make some things clear, I don’t think you’re the a**hole for not wanting your nieces to come over. Your sister is an AH for wanting to send her very young kids alone on an airplane and stay with someone they don’t know.

However, the part that I do think makes you a slight AH is how you talk about your nieces. You say they’re a burden and that there’s no point to you getting to know them which definitely makes you seem extremely callous.. Info: If your nieces wanted to get to you when they get older would you be open to it?

[Reddit User] − NTA if they have barely spoken to you until this point, it sounds like they want a free vacation from the kids so they want to pawn them off on you. I’m willing to bet your nieces have never had an interest in meeting you and only know about your existence now because your sister is talking up a trip. You’re not a free babysitter, and if they try to send them your way anyway to try and force you to take them in, call the police about abandoned children at the airport.

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These Reddit hot takes cut deep, but do they capture the full picture? It’s easy to cheer for independence online, but navigating family expectations in real life is a steeper climb.

This hiker’s standoff with her family lays bare the tug-of-war between personal freedom and familial duty. By choosing her trails over hosting nieces she’s never met, the OP stood her ground, but at the cost of family harmony. It’s a reminder that relationships need mutual effort, not one-sided demands. Have you ever had to draw a line with family to protect your own peace? What would you do when faced with a similar request? Share your thoughts below!

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