AITA for not having my bfs back after he embarrassed my sister at her wedding?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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Picture a sun-drenched New Zealand wedding, where love and laughter should have filled the air, only to be punctured by one man’s loud, tactless remarks. A 29-year-old woman found herself caught in a whirlwind of family joy and personal embarrassment when her boyfriend’s behavior spiraled out of control at her sister’s nuptials. Tasked with capturing the day’s magic through her camera lens, she faced a choice: stand by her sister or follow her sulking partner out the door after his disruptive antics led to his ejection.

The tension didn’t start at the altar—it had been brewing since a public proposal she’d rejected, clashing with her firm stance against marriage. Her boyfriend’s resentment seemed to bubble over, turning a celebration into a stage for his grievances. Readers can’t help but wonder: was she wrong to prioritize her sister’s moment over soothing his bruised ego?

‘AITA for not having my bfs back after he embarrassed my sister at her wedding?’

Some background: bf(31m) and i(29f) have been together 6 years. He proposed to me out of the blue at the beginning of the year(I don't believe in marriage and had conveyed this to him previously and we had agreed so was very surprised when he proposed) and I declined(he also proposed in a very public setting and made me uncomfortable).

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Ever since then our relationship has been kinda rocky. My sister(24f) married her partner(36m) of 4 years a couple weeks ago(before anyone starts on weddings and covid, we are in NZ so 🤷‍♀️). They seem to me to have a healthy relationship so the age gap has never bothered us, and he clearly adores her.

I'm not concerned that he's marrying her because he wants kids because she can't have children and he has been aware of this their entire relationship. Bf is also aware of this. My sisters partner paid for probably 50% of the wedding, our parents paid for 30% and sis paid for 15% and I paid 5%(voluntary, I wasn't asked to but I'm comfortable financially and wanted her to be happy).

I helped with wedding planning and I didn't feel like her partner paying for half gave him an unfair advantage over her, it was just a reflection of his position having worked for a decade and a half while she's only just started working full time after having finished her bachelors.

Anyway, so at the wedding my bf was a duck from the start. Commenting loudly on partners wealth, his age, how much of the wedding he'd paid for, etc etc. I told him early on to be quiet, that it wasn't his day and if he had criticisms then to keep it to himself until afterwards.

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He kept it up until basically my parents asked him politely to leave because his comments became noticeable to everyone else after he spoke during my speech and it was picked up by the microphone I was holding. He left and I stayed because I (being a professional photographer) was taking the photos.

He later blew up at me for embarrassing him by not leaving with him and having his back. I basically told him that he was a huge embarrassment and that I was ashamed to have been there with him. Now he's sulking and refusing to talk to me. AITA here?

Weddings are meant to sparkle with joy, but one man’s behavior dimmed the glow for everyone. The original poster (OP) faced a boyfriend who crossed boundaries, first with an unwanted public proposal and then by disrupting her sister’s big day. His loud comments about the groom’s wealth and age weren’t just rude—they were a power play, likely fueled by his lingering resentment. The OP’s decision to stay and fulfill her role as photographer reflects loyalty to her family, but it also highlights a deeper rift in her relationship.

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This situation mirrors a broader issue: how personal insecurities can spill into public settings, souring shared moments. According to a 2023 study by the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, nearly 30% of couples report conflicts escalating in high-stakes social events due to unresolved issues (journals.sagepub.com). Here, the boyfriend’s actions suggest a need for control, clashing with the OP’s independence.

Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, notes, “Contempt is the kiss of death in relationships—it’s not just disagreement, but a lack of respect that erodes trust” (gottman.com). The boyfriend’s public outbursts and sulking reflect this contempt, undermining the OP’s feelings and their six-year bond. His refusal to respect her stance on marriage earlier set the stage for this fallout.

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For the OP, moving forward means addressing this pattern. Open communication—calmly discussing how his actions made her feel—could clarify if he’s willing to change. If not, prioritizing her own emotional well-being might mean reevaluating the relationship. Couples counseling or setting firm boundaries could help, but only if both are committed to growth

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

The Reddit crowd didn’t hold back, and their takes are as spicy as a wedding cake laced with chili. Here’s what they had to say about this messy situation:

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Graysconfused − NTA at all. Legitimate question, why are you still together? He sounds like a bad person

[Reddit User] − NTA. And OP...why are you still with this guy?

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Kaworulives − NTA. So, he threw a fit *at your sister's wedding* _during your speech_, after starting the year by crossing a boundary you had been clear on from the get go? And then sulking all year, enough that you describe your relationship as rocky? And then has the gall to say _you_ embarrassed *him*? Nope. He needs gone.

Purple-Paisley-Panda − I basically told him that he was a huge embarrassment and that I was ashamed to have been there with him. Now he's sulking and refusing to talk to me. At this point, you both suck. He sucks for obvious reasons as stated above,

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and the way he ignored your feelings about marriage. You - because you are using a child to justify staying in an admittedly 'rocky' relationship with someone you are embarrassed to be seen with and ashamed of. What a lovely relationship model for your toddler.. ESH

FarfetchdSid − NTA, I think it's time to reconsider the relationship, if not because he put you out on that proposal (that you had already discussed) but he clearly needs to learn how to behave in public and frankly at the end of the day you aren't his mother.

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e-elegia − NTA. He acted an ass and made a fool of himself. You didn’t embarrass him, he did that all on his own. You were under no obligation to humor him and enable his crappy behavior. He sounds extremely childish, and if the relationship has already been rocky for a while, man, it might be time to ditch that noise.

SwiggyBloodlust − NTA He proposed publicly as a means to strongarm you into saying yes. You know that, right? And he caused a scene, nearly ruining your sister’s wedding because he is pissy it isn’t him getting married.. Don’t stay with this guy because of your kid.

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[Reddit User] − NTA. He kept it up until basically my parents asked him politely to leave because his comments became noticeable to everyone else after he spoke during my speech and it was picked up by the microphone I was holding.. 😳 this must have been so awkward. you didn't ask for judgement on this but this relationship sounds really unhealthy and definitely worth leaving, even if it means you have to coparent with an ex.

[Reddit User] − NTA but I imagine his outburst came from him not being able to force you into marriage which seems to be something he clearly wants. I wouldn't have left with him either. He didn't have to take his feelings or resentment towards you out on everyone else.

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anacapri3 − NTA. He was the one that embarrassed you. He should be the one apologizing.

These Redditors are loud and clear, but do their hot takes hold up in real life? It’s easy to say “dump him” from behind a keyboard, but navigating a six-year relationship isn’t so black-and-white.

This wedding-day drama leaves us with a tangled knot of loyalty, love, and public humiliation. The OP stood her ground, choosing her sister’s joy over her boyfriend’s meltdown, but at what cost to her relationship? It’s a reminder that love shouldn’t mean tolerating disrespect, especially when it steals the spotlight from someone else’s big day. What would you do if your partner turned a family celebration into their personal soapbox? Share your thoughts—have you ever had to choose between family and a partner’s feelings?

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