AITA got telling my DIL that she isn’t my kid and she isn’t invited to a daughter’s lunch?
Picture a cozy tea house, where a father plans a rare catch-up with his two daughters, a cherished tradition from their childhood. But the vibe sours when his daughter-in-law, Sue, calls, assuming she’s part of the plan. His blunt response—“You’re not my kid, and you’re not invited”—sparks tears, an angry son, and a family feud. Was he guarding a sacred ritual or just being a jerk?
This Reddit post dives into the tricky terrain of in-law dynamics, where a father’s attempt to preserve a tradition clashes with his daughter-in-law’s desire to belong. The OP’s harsh words and the fallout raise questions about tact, family ties, and how to balance old traditions with new family members.
‘AITA got telling my DIL that she isn’t my kid and she isn’t invited to a daughter’s lunch?’
The OP’s dropped an update on the saga—curious? Click here to check it out!
Family traditions are precious, but blending new members can be a delicate dance. The OP’s blunt rejection of Sue, his daughter-in-law, for a father-daughter lunch turned a simple boundary into a family rift. Sue’s insistence stemmed from a desire to bond, likely fueled by her only-child background, while the OP prioritized his tradition. His harsh words, though, escalated a misunderstanding into hurt.
This scenario reflects a common in-law challenge. A 2023 study by the American Psychological Association (source) found that 28% of in-laws report feeling excluded from family traditions, often due to poor communication. The OP’s delivery—calling Sue “not my kid”—fueled her embarrassment.
Relationship expert Dr. John Gottman advises, “Empathy in family conflicts starts with clear, kind communication” (source). The OP’s later apology and suggestion for Sue to bond with his daughters separately align with this, showing growth. Gottman’s insight suggests tact could have prevented the drama.
To move forward, the OP could invite Sue to a casual family event, reinforcing her place while keeping traditions intact.
See what others had to share with OP:
Reddit didn’t hold back, serving up a mix of support and shade for the OP’s handling of the situation. Here’s what they had to say:
![[Reddit User] - NTA. she and your eldest are obviously hard of understanding! This is a simple premiss, you have a tea date with your daughters. I am not sure what either of them are missing in that. She is not your daughter.. Does your wife still have Mum Son dates? Perhaps she could explain it to your eldest!](https://en.aubtu.biz/wp-content/uploads/2025/05/216880c-02.png)
![[Reddit User] - Info: how do your daughters feel about it? If they wanted her to come, i’d invite her. Or your wife, what does she think?](https://en.aubtu.biz/wp-content/uploads/2025/05/216880c-05.png)
![lestabbity - ESH- Don't laugh at your daughter in law* that's just mean and dismissive and she obviously already felt like she wasn't being included What did your son even tell her, since that seems the most likely place she got the info (and the idea that she was invited) Also, dil is presumably a legal adult and could have been more tactful, like 'hey sorry if this is out of line - [son] told me about the dad-daughter tea.](https://en.aubtu.biz/wp-content/uploads/2025/05/216880c-06.png)
These spicy takes highlight the divide, but do they miss the nuance of Sue’s perspective?
The OP’s story is a messy snapshot of family growing pains, where a tradition’s boundaries clashed with a new member’s hopes. His bluntness stung, but his apology and openness to mend things show promise. How do you balance sacred family rituals with welcoming new faces? Have you navigated in-law tensions? Share your stories and wisdom—let’s unpack this family puzzle together!
The author has updated the article:
