WIBTA for uninviting everyone with a plus 1 from our wedding?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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Picture a couple, knee-deep in wedding planning, dreaming of a perfect day filled with love, laughter, and just the right number of chairs. But in a twist straight out of a rom-com gone wrong, their carefully curated guest list is thrown into chaos by rogue plus-ones scribbled onto RSVPs. The couple, caught between keeping the peace and sticking to their budget, faces a dilemma that could turn their big day into a big drama.

This tale of wedding woes unfolds in a whirlwind of etiquette breaches and family expectations. With venues booked and catering prepped, the couple’s frustration is palpable as uninvited guests threaten to crash their celebration. Readers can’t help but feel the sting of their predicament—how do you balance hospitality with hard limits? This story dives into the heart of wedding planning, where love meets logistics, and boundaries are tested.

‘WIBTA for uninviting everyone with a plus 1 from our wedding?’

We never gave the option for a plus one. They've gotten the invites, RSVP'd that they're coming, and then written out '+1' themselves, most of them on the back of the invite. We have a set amount of everything, and have paid for an exact number of people to attend, but we also paid for 10 people more than we planned in case people brought plus ones without clearing it.

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However, the number of plus ones currently means we would need 20 extra seats, not 10. We've only discussed it with 4 or 5 of them directly, and they all said some variation of 'it's not fair that you invited me and not this person'. At this point it would be easier/cleaner to just uninvite the people who added plus ones without permission.. Would we be the assholes if we uninvited the people with plus ones?.

​ Info: We invited complete units (parents and children, husbands and wives, boyfriends and girlfriends) and of the 20 plus ones who have been invited, some are boyfriends/girlfriends we didn't know about, which we'd counted for and would be covered by the 10 extra seats.

But some are people we didn't even think of, for example one of my fiance's cousins, who he is related to, has written one of her cousins as a plus one. My fiance is not related to, and has never met, her cousin, who is from the other side of her family.

One of my cousins invited one of her friends who I have met in passing a few years ago and that's the extent of our relationship. We don't mind the people bringing dates, as right now we can fit those people in, but the friends of friends and relatives who aren't actually related to us aren't on the list.

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We don't especially want to uninvite people but we're now concerned that even if we say to people that they can't bring a plus one they will anyway or if they talk and realise that one person still has a plus one and they don't they'll get mad. We think it would be easier to just have a blanket ban then deal with the drama.

Weddings are a delicate dance of love and logistics, but uninvited plus-ones can trip up even the best-laid plans. The couple’s situation highlights a common tension: maintaining control over your event while keeping guests happy. According to wedding planner Lisa Holloway, quoted in Brides magazine , “Setting clear boundaries early, like specifying ‘no plus-ones’ on invitations, prevents misunderstandings.” Here, the couple’s explicit no-plus-one policy was ignored, leaving them scrambling.

The core issue is entitlement. Some guests, like the cousin inviting an unrelated relative, assume their plus-one is a given, disregarding the couple’s budget and venue constraints. This reflects a broader social issue: a lack of respect for event planners’ boundaries. A 2023 survey by The Knot found that 65% of couples faced guest list disputes, often due to unapproved additions. The couple’s frustration is valid—they planned for 10 extra seats, not 20.

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Holloway advises a firm but polite approach: “Contact guests directly, explain the limitations, and offer them the choice to attend solo.” This strategy avoids blanket bans that could alienate loved ones. For the couple, addressing each offender individually could clarify that only known partners are welcome, not distant cousins or casual friends. It’s about reclaiming control without burning bridges.

Ultimately, clear communication is key. The couple could send a kind but firm message, as Holloway suggests, to reset expectations. This approach not only resolves the immediate issue but also sets a precedent for respecting their boundaries.

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These are the responses from Reddit users:

The Reddit crew didn’t hold back, dishing out a mix of sympathy and sass for the couple’s plight. From witty quips to practical tips, the comments were a lively barbecue of opinions, each guest tossing their take into the fire. Here’s what the community had to say:

tundar − NTA. 'I understand you're upset that [name of +1] isn't able to join you for our wedding. Unfortunately, we have a limited amount of guests we're able to host and we're not able to add anyone else right now. Please let me know if you're able to attend alone or if you'd like me to note you down as a Not Able to Attend.'

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Edit: since so many people seem surprised you can be polite but firm, here’s how you can end an argument before it starts without being disrespectful or burning bridges: (Mods let me know if this isn’t allowed and I’ll edit it back out. It’s just tips I learned over many years working at a call centre.). 1. Personally acknowledge how the other person feels.. I understand you're upset.

2. Express regret without apologizing.. Unfortunately, we have a limited amount of guests we're able to host. 3. Stand your ground, united if applicable. No explanations, no excuses.. we're not able to add anyone else right now. 4. Offer a suitable amount of control back. Please let me know if you're able to attend alone or if you'd like me to note you down as a Not Able to Attend.

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Twirdman − NTA. It is incredibly presumptuous of them to just write +1 when there was no spot for it and they didn't even talk to you about it first. Rather than uninviting them all you could make a rule saying no plus 1s. Then say anyone with a plus one would not be allowed in. I would definitely not do anything to reward the people who just put plus 1.

[Reddit User] − INFO: How many damn people are writing in plus ones for themselves on your invitations? This is such a breach of etiquette I am shocked that it would be prevalent enough to necessitate a blanket ban.. 'it's not fair that you invited me and not this person'. So whose side of the family is full of s**t-stirring drama queens?

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wrongwaypoint − I mean you don't have to uninvite them. Just let them know that plus 1 isn't welcome for the reasons you stated

thestreetiliveon − NTA. I think you should just invite the people you wanted to in the first place, making it clear that it’s just them you want to come. I’d just send a note saying, “While we would love for you to bring someone, our arrangements don’t allow for extra people, so it’s just you we’re inviting. Can’t wait to see you there!”. Be VERY clear.

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CaliforniaCultivated − NTA. Not one bit!! It is actually incredibly rude to write in +1 without even asking if they are included and anyone who does this should not be surprised when they got removed (I wouldn’t even call it uninvited because their plus one was never invited in the first place). 

Some people truly do not understand what it takes to orchestrate a wedding and how much adding a plus one can change. Seating, tables, chairs, place settings, flowers, transportation, alcohol, food, food menu etc. 🤦🏼‍♀️

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I would kindly tell them that although you would love to accommodate their guest, unfortunately plus ones can not be accepted as they affect the venue, catering and other accommodations that were pre paid and planned for.

Feroc − INFO. Who are the +1s? Like you mentioned that one cannot get a babysitter, are no children invited at all (which would be fine)?

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CleverFern − Wtf is wrong with people? You can't just invite whoever you want to SOMEONE ELSES WEDDING.. NTA

translatepure − I have never been to, or heard of a wedding that didn't allow a +1. Is this common?

FlyingDutchLady − NTA but I agree with the consensus that you don’t have to uninvite your actual guests. Just confirm with them that unfortunately you couldn’t allow for a plus one, so their guest isn’t welcome, but you hope they can make it alone. I am baffled as to why this is such a prevalent issue for you. A handful of people , maybe, but 20 who hand wrote a plus one? Also, that already seems like a lot of people to invite without a date...

These Redditors rallied behind the couple, slamming the audacity of uninvited plus-ones while offering scripts to shut down the drama. Some saw the guests’ moves as pure entitlement; others urged a softer touch to avoid family feuds. But do these fiery takes capture the full picture, or are they just fanning the flames?

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This couple’s wedding woe reminds us that even the happiest occasions can stir up unexpected drama. Their struggle to balance hospitality with control is a universal one, touching on the delicate art of setting boundaries without sparking a family feud. By standing firm, they’re reclaiming their day, but at what cost? The Reddit community’s mix of support and shade shows there’s no one-size-fits-all solution. What would you do if you found yourself in a similar situation? Share your thoughts and experiences below—let’s keep the conversation going!

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