AITA for implying to my coworker that I “please myself” when my husband is away?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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In a quiet office buzzing with the hum of keyboards, a casual chat between two work friends took a sharp turn into awkward territory. Picture a coffee-scented break room, where the OP, a married woman, shared a lighthearted quip about keeping herself entertained while her husband was away on a business trip. What seemed like harmless banter with her coworker John spiraled into an HR meeting, leaving her wondering if her joke crossed a line. The Reddit community weighed in, and the drama unfolded with a mix of humor, tension, and workplace politics, raising questions about boundaries and miscommunication.

This tale of office chatter gone awry hooks us with its relatable cringe factor—haven’t we all misjudged a joke’s landing? The OP’s fleeting comment, meant to match John’s playful tone, stirred a storm of misunderstanding, pulling readers into a debate about workplace etiquette and the fine line between friendly jest and professional faux pas.

‘AITA for implying to my coworker that I “please myself” when my husband is away?’

I have been at this company for about two years now and one of my coworkers (John) and I have become pretty good friends and get along well. We are both happily married and just friends, though we do catch up on life during work hours. My husband has been away on a business trip for two weeks now.

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John and I were chatting in the office this morning and I mentioned to him that I've been at my house alone for the past week and pretty bored without my husband. He asked me what I do to pass the time and that I must be a bit pent up with my husband gone for that long.

I was surprised he said that but I feel comfortable enough around him that it didn't bother me and I chalked it up to playful banter. I jokingly told him that I know exactly how to please myself when my husband is away. He got really awkward and uncomfortable and we've been distant since.

I just checked my inbox and there was a meeting on my calendar from HR. I tried to message John but he's not responding and my manager came by my desk and told me that my behavior is ridiculous and to not speak to John until I'm told otherwise.. AITA?

**Update**: I just got off my meeting with HR. I was able to convince everyone that it was just a misunderstanding and that I meant I can entertain myself while my husband is away. It's interesting though, John didn't bring up his comment in the HR complaint.

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I brought that up myself and he got scared and began to say that he meant it that I must be bored in the house all alone with nothing to do. I let him have it. They won't be pursuing a formal investigation because they're chalking it up to a misunderstanding,

but they are keeping everything on record in case anything happens again. They are moving John to a different team temporarily and my manager apologized to me for being harsh with earlier. I will not be speaking to or interacting with John going forward.

This workplace quip turning into an HR ordeal is a classic case of crossed wires in a professional setting. The OP and John’s banter, while initially friendly, stumbled into risky territory with suggestive undertones. According to workplace communication expert Alison Green, in her article on Ask a Manager, “Conversations at work can feel casual, but anything hinting at personal or sexual topics can be a landmine, especially if misinterpreted.” Here, John’s “pent up” remark and the OP’s playful response created a perfect storm of discomfort.

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The OP’s situation highlights a clash of perspectives: she saw the exchange as harmless, while John felt uneasy enough to escalate it. This reflects a broader issue—workplace boundaries vary widely. A 2023 SHRM report notes that 65% of employees have faced unclear workplace communication, often leading to HR involvement. John’s comment set the stage, but the OP’s reply, though witty, amplified the misunderstanding.

Green’s advice emphasizes clarity: “If a conversation veers into gray areas, redirect it to neutral ground immediately.” For the OP, acknowledging John’s discomfort and clarifying her intent could’ve defused the tension. Moving forward, she might benefit from sticking to safer topics like weekend plans or office coffee quality.

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For others, the lesson is clear: know your audience and keep work chats light but professional. If a comment feels risky, a quick pivot or apology can save the day. The OP dodged a formal investigation, but the incident underscores how fast casual talk can turn corporate.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

The Reddit peanut gallery didn’t hold back, serving up a mix of sympathy, sass, and shade. Here’s what they had to say:

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TyrionsRedCoat − He asked me what I do to pass the time and that ***I must be a bit pent up*** with my husband gone for that long. And this man has the gall to complain about YOU??? Wow. When he says, 'Oh I didn't mean it that way,' you can say 'Well,

clearly I didn't mean my comment the way your filthy mind took it! You KNOW I love to cook. OF COURSE I was talking about cooking and eating whatever I want without worrying whether Husband will like it!'. It *could* work.. Good luck. NTA

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Tidycustard − I feel like you were both being inappropriate.

ParsimoniousSalad − NTA. When you get to HR, be utterly confused. *'Yeah, I get to eat all the chocolate chip cookie dough by myself when my husband is gone - I don't even have to bake the cookies. Or clean up right away! I get to please myself and do what I want. I'm sorry, is there a problem?'*

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XMandri − How THE F*CK are people blaming OP, when the guy literally asked her if she's pent up when the husband is away. Are you people for real?. NTA

[Reddit User] − ESH. I'm going to bold out what I think your biggest issue will be. Eh, rule of thumb is, even if you think you're 'cool,' the safest bet is to AVOID any s** talk, or implied s** talk, with someone at work. You could have turned him in if you wanted on the 'Don't you get pent up while you're husbands away?'

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but since you responded that you know how to pleasure yourself, which is more graphic in HR terms than what he said, that let him open the door because **he most likely is going to say that he didn't mean 'pent up' in the way you took it, and you made it s**ual, even if you believe his intent was talking about s**.**

It sucks, but yeah realistically, SO MUCH can be considered s**ual harassment. In work trainings, most will point out that s**ual harassment can exist in little conversations, big conversations, in body movement, in the way things are phrased, in how you may say something, and sometimes in conversations you may think are okay.

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All it takes for it to go to HR is for someone to feel uncomfortable, it doesn't matter who started it at that point. Now do I think that the other guy should be talked too? Yeah, and honestly he probably has already been talked too because he took it to HR, but again, **you don't know if he's going to say 'I meant pent up like you're in the house all alone,

and you've been pent up in the house without your husband there' but if he does then well.. that sucks and it'll be your job to open up the context of that conversation. If none of the conversation had been even alluding to be s**ual up to that point then... well RIP.**. ​ **I almost want to guarantee you, he's going to say 'I meant how do you handle being pent up in the house... she made it weird.'**

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JeepersCreepers74 − Girl, you need to take up crocheting ASAP and bring half a baby blanket into that HR appointment with you so you can say 'This is what I was referring to. It's how I please myself when my husband is gone.' John is obviously feigning some sort of misunderstanding with his original 'pent up' comment and your only defense is to do the same.. ESH.

Icy-Setting-7537 − YTA you don’t talk about masturbation with your married colleagues 🤦‍♀️ wtf. That is so inappropriate.

I-hear-the-coast − NTA. I have decided this because no one really say “pent up” unless they mean angry or horny or intense emotions. He did not mean angry nor wildly strong emotions, so he meant horny. Unless he used the word incorrectly. Yours could either mean horny or a clueless person who does not understand the double entendre.

The fact he is taking it to HR means he took yours at horny, he’d only do that if he meant his to mean horny. He set you up! I know other people on here are saying you’ll get fired because HR is going to say “well he construed what you meant as horny so goodbye”,

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but I sincerely doubt it because it’s just too vague. You take that up higher and no one is going to say “you’re right this vague statement is justifiable grounds for dismissal”. Especially when the other person cannot explain how they meant “pent up” to mean bored.

stroppo − On the face of it, I'd say NTA. It sounds like you misunderstood what 'a bit pent up' meant. If I'm 'pretty good friends' w/someone I might feel comfortable making such a joke. I suppose the only thing you could've done was apologize once he became awkward, that might've cleared the air at the time. Too late now. I'd write down exactly what you recall from the conversation. Might be helpful for you, as you prepare to meet with HR.

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HughMadboro − NTA. Coworker was clearly leading up to propositioning you, and went to HR when you shut it down. Read the room in your meeting, and go with whatever seems best at the time. If they're seeming to come down on any s**ual talk, deny you meant anything s**ual.

If that doesn't seem to be an issue, hammer home the point that he was very obviously talking about s** and setting up to make a pass at you while husband was away, and you simply responded in kind so as to shut that down.

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Talk about a spicy mix of opinions! Reddit’s hot takes range from calling out John’s hypocrisy to urging the OP to play innocent with a crochet hobby. But do these armchair judgments hold up in the real world, or are they just internet bravado?

This office misadventure reminds us how quickly a playful quip can snowball into a full-blown HR saga. The OP walked away with a lesson in workplace boundaries, and John’s team switch suggests he’s reflecting too. Miscommunication is a universal hiccup—whether it’s a poorly landed joke or a coworker’s oversensitive radar. What would you do if your casual banter landed you in the HR hot seat? Share your thoughts, experiences, or epic office blunders below!

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