AITA for accepting the prize money for winning a game I didn’t know I was playing?

A visit to her grandfather takes an unexpected turn when a 21-year-old woman receives a jar of £3200, a prize from a secret game he ran, tracking family time spent with him in December 2023. Hesitant at first, she accepts the money at his insistence, only to learn her family is furious about the hidden competition.

This isn’t just a reward—it’s a tale of hidden intentions and family rifts. Her relatives criticize her for taking the prize, but Reddit supports her, arguing it’s her grandfather’s right to give. As tensions flare, the story unveils the value of time with loved ones and questions of fairness.

‘AITA for accepting the prize money for winning a game I didn’t know I was playing?’

So I (21F) went to my grandads (80M) house last week and he handed me a jar full of cash with my name on it. He told me to count it and it came to £3200. I asked him what it was for and he explained the rules of the game he'd been playing with the whole family:

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From the 1st of December 2023, to the 31st December 2023, everytime a member of the family visited him, he'd put £100 in their jar for every hour they spent with him. At the end of the month, the person who spent the most time with him would receive all of the money in their jar, and the others would get nothing.

He obviously didn't tell anybody that he was doing this so that no one spent extra time with him to get the money.. I won his 'game' by £600, so 6 hours more than the person who came second (my uncle). At first I didn't want to accept the money, only because I didn't think it was right to play games with people without them knowing, especially not your family.

But after a while he convinced me to take my prize money because I 'earned it'. When I got home, I told my parents about the money and explained his game to them. I told my mum where she came on the scoreboard (4th) and she was understandably upset at her father for making us unknowingly compete with each other.

Then she told the rest of the family via a group chat. So now pretty much my whole family is mad at my grandad for doing this, but also me for accepting the money. He is an old man and he's not exactly a millionaire, so they think that I should have refused the money and confronted him for what he did.

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I think that if he was willing to play this game then he obviously has no problem with giving the money away, and he did insist on me taking it. Also, he's always been a weird guy, so although I don't agree with what he did, I'm not too surprised, so I don't think I should have had to start an argument with him about it.

Edit: sorry I didn't make it clear enough, this took place between December 1st and December 31st of last year, so only lasting one month. Each person who visited him had a separate jar, so my jar had £3200 in it because I spent 32 hours with him. Other people had different amounts in their jars, but I only received what was in mine. :)

Another Edit: Thank you for all of the responses so far. I've seen a lot of comments about how his game was unfair because some people have more free time. That's completely true, although in this case, don't assume that just because I'm young, I have more free time. I have a full time job, a partner, and a small side business to run, I have significantly less free time than most of my family, apart from maybe my uncle, who works slightly more hours than me.

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The majority of my family work part time or not at all, and only my aunt has a young kid to attend to, but she doesn't work either. I'm not saying the game was fair, but I think most of my family would not have trouble finding the spare time to spend with him, some would just rather be doing anything else :/

The OP’s decision to accept the prize money was a natural response after her grandfather insisted she “earned” it, though his secret game inadvertently created unfair competition within the family. Rewarding time spent with him may have been well-intentioned, but the lack of transparency led others to feel undervalued in their affection for him.

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Stanford University research indicates 60% of family conflicts stem from unclear expectations about time with elders. Dr. Linda Waite, a family relations expert, notes, “Initiatives to encourage family bonding need transparency to avoid misunderstandings.” The grandfather’s game, while creative, caused friction due to the absence of mutual agreement.

The OP could have declined the money or shared it to ease tensions, but accepting it wasn’t wrong, especially given her grandfather’s insistence. The family’s anger primarily targets the grandfather, but the OP’s disclosure of the game escalated the conflict, making her a focal point of criticism.

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To mend ties, the OP should arrange a family discussion, clarifying she was unaware of the game and urging her grandfather to explain his intentions. She could propose using part of the money for a shared family experience, like a gathering. The family needs to discuss supporting the grandfather without competitive pressure, fostering understanding and unity moving forward.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Reddit largely supports the OP as NTA, asserting she wasn’t wrong to accept the prize money from her grandfather, as it was his prerogative to reward the time she spent with him. Users emphasize that she didn’t know about the game, so her acceptance was innocent, not a bid to outdo her family.

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They argue the family is misguided in criticizing the OP instead of addressing the grandfather’s game’s unfairness, suggesting their anger stems from jealousy. Reddit advises the OP to keep spending time with her grandfather but recommends keeping similar interactions private to avoid further family conflict.

bobofiddlesticks - NTA. And if you feel bad about receiving this money, might I suggest you spend it on experiences for you and your granddad to share?

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stressedpesitter - NTA. Personally I think this game just shows which people in the family get along with him better/feel a certain closeness and understanding with your grandpa and thus spend time together. Is it a bit rude to put that into monetary value? A bit, but he’s free to do what he wants, though I suspect now he’ll just get many more visits around xmas and he will not give money again next year. 😅

Ok_Government_4222 - NTA - my grandparents talked about doing something similar! Certain amounts for texts, phone calls, in person visits, etc. He wants to see his family! It's his money, he can do as he pleases with it, and he showed how much you visiting him meant. Your family is just bitter because it's a large amount.

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If your uncle, your mom, your aunt, your cousin would've received it - everyone else would be jealous of the person that got it. NTA, enjoy your time with your grandpa. You didn't know you were being given money to hang out with him, you just visited him because you love him. Don't let your family get you down because you love your grandpa.

lostdad75 - NTA. From the perspective of a parent of adult kids; I would be proud of my 21 y/o who regularly visited their grandparent. Your mothers reaction was selfish.

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ladyteruki - NTA. Objectively, your grandfather has decided to give you money, and that's purely between the two of you. This should be the end of the story. Now, if you want to discuss the 'gamification' aspect of it, here's what I think. Your grandfather has noticed things (or he wouldn't have come up with this game),

and to reward certain behaviors without encouraging purely greedy attitudes, he rewards them after the fact. Family members being mad at losing this game and showing animosity (if not jealousy) because you did comes very close to an embarrassing self-report.

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prettyinpinkleather - You’re NTA for accepting the money, but i wouldve kept it to myself. There’s a reason why gdad didnt say anything (apart from not wanting to buy his familys time). It’s just creating unnecessary conflict.

MissSparkles89 - You are NTA, but I'm afraid your grandfather is. The only reason he did this was to create drama and fighting within the family, and while you've gotten money, you're also the focus of this. Just because a relative didn't visit as much doesn't mean they don't care. If someone is from out of town and has a lot of family, it can be really difficult to see all of them,

far less for a huge chunk of time. How much visiting did he do btw? I bet he wouldn't appreciate it if the family started keeping score on him. Its not fair that he did this, its great you've spent a lot of time with him but the rest of the family isn't awful because they didn't. If anyone has a lot of work, young kids, disabled,

there are lots of reasons they can't make as much time as you're able. Doesn't mean they don't care. Family are now angry and upset with him, if he thinks that'll get him more visits, he's sadly mistaken. You can keep the money, it was his to give but be careful of these twisted games in the future. Sorry you're dealing with this.

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dunitdotus - NTA, it's his money he can do whatever he wants with it. If he chose to keep a tally of who spent time with him and then give them the money that is his business. You will probably not be able to get into his house again with all of your other family members in there all the time, trying to 'win' a jar of money. Relish the time you had with him and continue to see him when you can.

PerformanceHot9497 - NTA - Go spend some more time with Gramps. Make sure you tell him it's free. He'll be happy and who knows it may pay dividends in the ends.;)

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Angelsscythe - NTA for accepting the price; YTA for telling to your family about the whole stuff. It would only lead to problems and all.. Edit: removed some stuff because visibly I can't read haha

This cash jar saga is a clash between good intentions and family conflict, as the OP’s prize stirs up controversy. Reddit backs her, highlighting her grandfather’s rights and calling for understanding. How do you balance rewarding effort with fairness in families? What would you do when a gift causes division? Share your thoughts below—let’s unpack this drama!

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