AITA for telling my brother I won’t go to his second wedding unless he pays me and spilling the tea to everyone when that started a fight?

Six years ago, a Redditor shelled out $2,300 for a week in Jamaica to celebrate their brother’s wedding, only to learn it was all a facade. Now, with a second wedding planned as a “vow renewal” before a baby arrives, they draw a line, refusing to fly cross-country unless their brother covers the costs. Family pressure mounts, but when the truth about the fake first wedding spills, chaos erupts, leaving everyone questioning loyalty and trust.

This saga of deception and family drama hooks us with its raw honesty. It’s a tale of standing up for oneself amid expectations of blind support. Was the Redditor right to expose the sham, or did they stir the pot too much? Let’s dive into this tangled web of weddings and secrets.

‘AITA for telling my brother I won’t go to his second wedding unless he pays me and spilling the tea to everyone when that started a fight?’

My brother got married on Jamaica six years ago. It cost me $2,300 to go for the week plus a week off work, unpaid. Not really a huge deal. I love my brother and I wanted to be there for him. I had a great time and actually met the woman I'm currently dating there at the resort. So it's been six years and my sister in law is pregnant. It is a huge surprise because they were planning on waiting a while yet.

Now they are planning another wedding. I asked him why and he said he wanted to renew their vows before the baby came. I said that was cool but that I would not be attending. I'm busy with work and my own life. He said he really wanted me there. I said no. He said it was important to him I be there. I said that I had already attended his wedding once and that was plenty.

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Of he wanted me to go to his second wedding he would have to pay me for my time and for my trip home. I live and work in the bay area and our family is from Raleigh. He finally admitted that the first wedding was a sham. They basically got us all out there for a party. I told him to get fucked. My mom called me to tell me I was being a jerk not coming to the wedding.

I said I would go if my brother covered my expenses. She said I was being ridiculous. I said he was being a narcissist if he thought two weddings were needed. She would not relent. She started bugging me and calling me out on in our family Facebook group. I told her and my brother to leave me out of their goofy ass wedding plans. Everyone started dogpiling me about not being there for him.

I reminded them.that I was his best man at the first wedding. Nope not good enough. I had to be there for this because family. I'm the only one who would have to take a flight for the wedding. I told everyone to leave me alone and actually muted the group to avoid any further discussion.. They started calling me.

I finally just started telling everyone that I wasn't going to go unless they paid not just for this wedding but my time at the previous one. That just pissed people off. So I told the truth. I said that the first wedding wasn't real. And that my brother was not really married. And that he was probably only getting married because our family trust excludes kids born put of wedlock.

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It's not a lot of money but it covers a full four year degree or provides a grant to start a business. We cannot live off the money forever or anything. So this started a huge fight since a bunch of people had been upset about a destination wedding the first time and lots could not afford to go. They felt excluded and made fun of.

And now the people who did go are pissed they blew money on a party. And don't get me started on the gifts. So this has obviously caused a lot of stress for them. He called to yell at me for outing him. I said he was a dumbass for not just going to a justice of the peace quietly. He said his 'wife' is hormonal and wants a real wedding.. I don't think I need to go see a second wedding.. AITA?

This wedding debacle exposes the sting of familial deceit. The Redditor’s refusal to attend stems from a breached trust, amplified by the financial burden of the first “wedding.” Dr. Harriet Lerner, a family dynamics expert, writes, “Secrets in families can erode trust, creating emotional distance” (Psychology Today). The brother’s fake wedding, disguised as a grand celebration, left guests feeling scammed, especially those who traveled and gifted generously.

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The Redditor’s demand for compensation reflects a broader issue: the expectation of family obligation without reciprocity. Destination weddings cost guests an average of $1,500-$3,000 (The Knot), and the brother’s failure to disclose the sham disregarded their sacrifice. His push for a second event, framed as a vow renewal, feels manipulative, especially with the family trust’s legal implications.

Outing the secret was messy but understandable, as family pressure ignored the Redditor’s valid boundaries. A quiet legal ceremony, as suggested, would’ve avoided this mess. Moving forward, the Redditor could mute further drama and focus on direct communication with their brother to rebuild trust.

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Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Reddit didn’t hold back, serving up a mix of outrage and wit. Here’s the community’s take on this wedding fiasco:

OrneryDandelion - What I am absolutely dying to know is why they faked the first wedding? And why they're not just getting married really quietly.? Like really, really quietly?

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joosdeproon - Wow, NTA The truth would have come out sooner or later. He needs to have a quiet justice of the peace wedding pronto.

CatBird2023 - NTA. FWIW, this is the thing about destination weddings at resorts and such: they are generally just for show. You're not getting a marriage license in the destination country, or meeting the legal requirements to get married there.

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Every couple I've known who has gotten 'married' in a destination wedding has had another legal ceremony (usually just with a couple of witnesses, not a party) to formalize things in their home country.. I thought everyone knew this by now?

Your brother is a huge AH for not taking care of the legal marriage stuff like a grown up but instead expecting everyone to do it all over again at their own expense.. ETA: ok, I over-generalized! It will depend on both where you get married, and where you normally reside.

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Old-Strategy-672 - NTA Why would he and his wife even fake the first wedding then think it was a good idea to have a second? Why would he try to strong arm you to the point he was dumb enough to spill the secret the first was fake?

Why couldn't he have let it go and actually pretend that it was a second wedding to renew vows? Realize that people do have lives and can't afford or don't want to go to a renewal if it gets in the way of their lives?. Man your bro is dumb.

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JGalKnit - NTA. His wife HAD a 'real' wedding even if it was a sham. She had the dress, the guests, the vows, just because there wasn't a license doesn't mean it wasn't a wedding. She doesn't get to have another one just because they didn't do it right the first time! I mean, truly, she can have as many as she wants, but she doesn't get to expect the same thought and guests and attitude. You don't need to go.

11phoenix - NTA for not going to the 2nd wedding performance. This entire distasteful mess is because your brother (and his wife because she was part of the sham) deliberately deceived everyone with the first wedding. What a jerk ! I suppose they happily accepted wedding gifts too? If so, then they basically scammed their family and friends for some free wedding gifts and a party.. don't waste your time with the loser.

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Longjumping-Lab-1916 - NTA. They had a wedding.  Bizarrely,  it was a sham.  (Why???)  But they had all the trappings of a wedding.  You and everyone else fulfilled your role as guests. What your bro should do is head down to city hall and have a civil ceremony to make it legal.  He shouldn't have even told anyone about the first one being a sham.. Ignore your family. 

No-Personality5421 - Info- why was the first wedding fake? A justice of the peace isn't very expensive? Why didn't they just get married on paper right after they had the public 'wedding'? Why wait 6 years to do that? . Some parts of this don't really make sense. 

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TurtleTheMoon - NTA. I can’t stand people like this, they’re kinda like Scooby-Doo villains. “And I woulda gotten away with it too, if it weren’t for you meddling kids!” You didn’t haunt your brother’s amusement park, you just showed everybody that the ghosts were actually assholes the whole time.

I guess it’s just the nature of assholes to expect us to be silently complicit in their fuckery, even to our own detriment.. Edited to add: I’m super proud of my Scooby-Doo allegory lol

[Reddit User] - NTA. My work friend has been ‘married’ for 5 years. It was an Islamic wedding. She tells me recently she only did it to get her family off their backs and so they could spend time together. They aren’t legally married by uk laws and They don’t really live together. We all bought gifts and paid towards her honeymoon. You feel cheated.

These Reddit zingers cut deep, but do they capture the whole story? The brother’s deception sparked justified anger, yet the public reveal stirred family chaos—fair or overkill?

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This tale of a fake wedding and a defiant sibling leaves us questioning family loyalty and honesty. The Redditor’s stand against a second trip was bold, but spilling the secret ignited a firestorm. Was exposing the sham worth the fallout, or should they have stayed silent? Share your thoughts—what would you do if caught in this costly family drama?

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