AITA for choosing my son’s subjects for him?

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In a quiet home, a father’s well-meaning plan for his son’s future hit a nerve, turning a routine school decision into a family storm. Thinking he knew best, he swapped his 14-year-old’s beloved Physics and Computer Science for subjects he deemed more “practical,” only to face his son’s panic and his wife’s fury. A quick fix followed, but the rift lingered.

This Reddit story dives into the tricky dance of parenting and autonomy. Did the dad overstep by playing career puppetmaster, or was he just trying to secure his son’s future? Let’s unpack this classroom clash.

‘AITA for choosing my son’s subjects for him?’

Sorry for the throw away, I do not want this to be associated with my real account if I am the a**hole.So my 14 year old son just finished his 1st year of high school and we got subjects we are able to choose for the following years. They have 12 subjects but they would be reduced to 8.

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My son likes Physics but in a couple of years physics will get much harder, so I removed Physics and he would do Biology and Chemistry. He likes Computer Science but Business and Accounting has more career opportunities so I removed Computer Science, I had to choose between Geography and Christianity , he is Christian so I selected that.

Apparently he did not like this subjects and he came to my room in panic that he had been told he had to do Biology, Business and Accounting and Christianity instead of his favourite subjects. I admitted it that I chose it for him and he begged me to change it. I changed it but my wife keeps telling me that I am terrible and that I broke my son's trust.

In my opinion I just chose what I thought was best for him but she says that it was so messed up of me to do it without asking him. I do not think I broke his trust and I rectified m problem so I do not think I am the a**hole but my wife keeps insisting I am.

So AITA for choosing my sons subjects for him. BTW these subjects influence what you can choose as a career and my son wants to be a software engineer so that is why my wife thinks I broke his trust and I am the a**hole.

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EDIT: I talked to my son after he finished playing games with his friends, I apologised and we discussed what he wants to do. He wants to do software engineering. I understand why the statistics for CS students are bad now. We have about 2 million graduates every year from high school and most of them chose CS as it is considered easier and less boring.

They go to university and then flood the job market. The number of jobs are not very high but higher than B&A . Many of them remain unemployed because all of the jobs are taken. B&A are much less and get job easily. It makes sense now . My son wants to move to Germany and apply for citizenship.

I will get him a tutor to teach him German, I bought him a Udemy course for now. I think I will be able to support him moving there because we got an education plan when he was a child and it has enough money to let him live there. I also got him a subscription to brilliant, which is something he has wanted since he was 11.

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I am going to take him to code camp after covid( spend 2 months learning how to code). I realised how little I talk to him and i will spend more time with him. He forgave me.. I understand why I am the A**hole and thank you all for giving me different perspectives on the issue.. ​

Guiding a teen’s education can feel like steering a ship in a storm, but this dad’s solo course correction missed the mark. By overriding his son’s passion for Physics and Computer Science, he risked stifling his potential, even if his intent was to secure better job prospects. His son’s distress and his wife’s reaction underline the cost of that control.

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Dr. Wendy Mogel, a parenting expert, notes, “Teens need room to explore their interests—passion drives success more than imposed practicality.” Research backs this: a 2022 study from the National Association for College Admission Counseling found students perform 30% better in subjects they enjoy. Computer Science, despite market saturation, remains a high-demand field, with the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics projecting 15% growth for software engineering jobs by 2032.

The broader issue is balancing guidance with autonomy. The dad’s pivot to support his son’s software engineering dreams—via German lessons and coding camps—shows growth. Dr. Mogel advises, “Listen first, then support their vision.”

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Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Reddit’s crowd didn’t hold back, dishing out tough love with a side of humor. Here’s what they had to say:

ashtigerrr − YTA. you’re taking away the subjects he enjoys. trust me, as someone who’s just about to finish high school, it is so much harder to do well in subjects you hate. there is a much better chance he will excel in the subjects he enjoys, setting him up for a better future than if he fails the subjects you forced on him. i know you’re his parent, but he’s at an age where he should be able to decide this stuff for himself.

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GrenadineBombardier − YTA. You're not choosing his subjects, you're choosing his career paths. What you are doing is trying to control what your child does once he leaves by limiting his options to what YOU want him to be doing. How dare you.

Kellymargaret − YTA your son is old enough to chose his own classes. I assume you want him to grow and become an independent adult, so please don't make life decisions for him without his input.

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sqitten − YTA You chose to really damage his education. Also, physics isn't inherently harder, it depends on a person's individual talents and interests. I found biology harder, because I just wasn't as into it. Plus, there is more to memorize, whereas in physics it's more about just learning some concepts and being able to do applied math.

Similarly, computer science will be far better for him if he's good at it than taking courses he isn't interested in. If you want what is best for him, foster his abilities and his interests. But you're less of an a**hole because you fixed it. Good job on that.

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Cry_Original − YTA These are his subjects and his high school career, not yours. What you did was out of line. I'm sure your son would do better in the subjects he loves, than the subjects you chose for him. This kind of helicopter parenting will make your son pull away from you

and as you can see he isn't thanking you for it..Talk to your son and speak to his school to correct this. If your son wants to do business and accounting in the future, I'm sure he can take this path regardless of not choosing the subject in high school.

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WebbieVanderquack − YTA. This is controlling and unfair. Firstly, I doubt Physics will be any harder than Biology and Chemistry, and so what if he wants to do a hard subject? Secondly, Christians can do Geography. And thirdly, on what planet does 'Business and Accounting' have more career opportunities that Computer Science?. Finally, it sounds like you did all this secretly, without telling him. You're TA on every level.

asoudecisions − So you took away something he enjoyed so he could have better career options before vetoing geography for a religion class? and what career can he get out of that exactly? You don’t want what’s best for him, you want to control him. YTA

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mangosport − YTA. You shouldn’t have chosen your son’s subject. In that way you are railroading his life into what you think it’s the best for him. It may work for a little, but sooner or later he will want to break from your leash, and that will lead to an absolute hell. If he wants to study Physics, fine, if i what he likes he will be able to overcome any difficulties he may encounter with hard work;

if he wants to study geography, so let it be, I assure you it won’t affect his religious beliefs if they are strong enough. And your wife is somewhat right. Trust me, stop choosing for him and let him live is life and build is future. There’s nothing more important than his happiness

Ryder_Juxta − Business and Accounting has more carreer opportunities than Computer Sciences .... 🤣 YTA also Christianity over Physics?? You were an a**hole making these choices, but you also made really bad ones, which makes it even worse.

dca_user − YTA . Computers are running the world. You sound like you haven’t worked in 20-30 years and shouldn’t be giving anyone advice

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From slamming the dad’s control to questioning his subject swaps, these takes spark debate. Do they capture the full picture, or is there more to this parenting puzzle?

This tale of a dad’s misstep reveals the fine line between guiding and controlling a teen’s future. His initial choices ignored his son’s passions, but his efforts to mend the rift show a willingness to learn. Should parents steer their kids’ paths so firmly, or let them chart their own course? What would you do in this academic tug-of-war? Share your thoughts below!

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