AITA for telling my dad his masculinity is too fragile?

A family visit turns tense when a 24-year-old woman confronts her father’s homophobic remarks about The Wiggles, her daughter’s favorite show. When he criticizes the male performers as “gay” and unfit for children, she retorts that his masculinity is “too fragile,” prompting laughter from her mother but anger from her father.

This isn’t just a single comment—it’s a clash over prejudice and family boundaries. Her sister deems her disrespectful, but Reddit largely supports her, condemning the father’s views. As the family atmosphere settles, the story reveals the challenge of confronting deep-seated bias and defending personal values.

‘AITA for telling my dad his masculinity is too fragile?’

So my whole life I've known that my dad was a homophobe. No one else in my immediate family is, and no one really talks about any kind of lbgtq+ topic around him so it doesn't really come up a lot with him. But whenever anything 'gay' happens around him he starts on a small rant.

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So anyway. After living with this my whole life, I am now 24(F) and I have a one year old little girl who LOVES the Wiggles (a kids show). Sometimes when I'm visiting my parents we'll (me and my mom) turn on Wiggles for her on Netflix and it keeps her entertained while we visit.

My dad is always commenting on how he doesnt like the wiggles and its creepy. I usually ignore him but yesterday I decided to ask why. And he said 'Because, to sing and dance and smile like that as a full grown man, you have to be gay. That's not the kind of people you want around kids.' I was kind of in shock at what he said and I was like.

'its just something funny and colorful for the kids.' I dont even remember what he said afterwards but it was another gay comment and I said 'well maybe their masculinity isn't as fragile as yours.'My mom laughed at my comment but my dad was less than amused and was in a really bad mood and snapping at everyone so I decided to leave early.

My mom told me he's still mad this morning and that I really shouldn't have said anything because 'I know how he is. She also told my sister about it who texted me to tell me I should be more respectful to our dad (shes always been a daddys girl) and basically that I was being an AH. So AITA?

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The OP’s retort, calling her father’s masculinity “fragile,” directly challenges his entrenched homophobic views, particularly his association of joyful male performers with sexual orientation. His comments reflect not only prejudice but also toxic gender norms, potentially harming the family environment.

According to GLAAD, 40% of young people report experiencing anti-LGBTQ+ bias from relatives. Dr. Ryan Wade, a gender bias expert, notes, “Challenging family prejudice can be tense but is vital for progress.” The OP’s response, though blunt, defends her values and a safe space for her daughter.

The OP could have used a gentler approach, like asking questions to prompt reflection, but her father’s offensive remarks justify her reaction. Her mother’s laughter suggests alignment, yet her sister’s defense of their father highlights pressure to maintain family harmony.

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To mend ties, the OP should privately discuss with her father why his words hurt, urging him to consider their impact on his grandchildren. He needs to curb his biases, possibly through education or family counseling. The OP should maintain clear boundaries, shielding her daughter from toxic views while keeping dialogue open to encourage change.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Reddit overwhelmingly supports the OP as NTA, arguing that her father’s homophobic comments about The Wiggles, tying male performers to sexual orientation, are unacceptable. Users praise the OP for challenging toxic views, emphasizing that her father’s fragile masculinity doesn’t justify imposing prejudice on children.

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They criticize the mother and sister for urging silence to “keep the peace,” asserting that confronting bias is essential for change. Reddit encourages the OP to uphold her values, especially in front of her daughter, to foster an environment of acceptance and respect.

ItsTime1234 - NTA. Honestly. If he's going to talk like that all the time maybe he should expect to hear about it occasionally. You didn't cuss him out or anything.

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Bozobozo111 - NTA. There are a lot of good reasons to not like watching the Wiggles, but gayness shouldn’t be one of them. You’re dead on accurate, it seems, and he didn’t like being called out on it. Now I have to try to get “fruit salad, yummy yummy” out of my head. It’s been years... years! But there it is tormenting me again. 🤣

Smug-Goose - NTA. To change the world men like your dad have to change their minds. They will never change their minds if they are never called to the table. He doesn’t have to appreciate it but maybe he’s the one who ought to start thinking.

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slimblack53 - NTA, and your mom laughed so clearly it was funny.

dellaevaine - Anyone that thinks it's appropriate to wave away someone's bad behavior with ' You know how he is' is deluding themselves. Your dad is a h**ophobic A H. Don't wave it away, call it out. That's the only way he is going to get that it is completely unacceptable. Does who someone else sleep with impact him? Not in the least. Frankly, if he is so offended, then maybe he is protecting too much. 

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Flashy_Current2284 - NTA. The truth hurts sometimes. You obviously hit a sore spot. And good on you for doing it in front of your daughter. She needs to know that adults should be questioned. And your dad is absolutely fragile.

Mrs_ghee_buttersnaps - NTA....your dad sounds like a really insecure man. My hubby, one of the most manly men I have ever met, went to a Wiggles concert and sang)danced because his twin sons were really into the Wiggles at the time.

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When his little girl wanted to paint his toes, he said just make sure to pick a color that will make his feet look good (he has the feet cavemen would envy). Being a man and a great dad is about showing your kids it is okay to be themselves, to embrace who they are, and to show love, support, and encouragement.

Whysorandy - NTA - I get the whole 'you know how he is thing' coming from your mom who wants to keep peace, but unfortunately there are plenty of people in this life you can't and won't change. I had a serious talk about something similar with someone close to me when I had a child.

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It was uncomfortable but had to happen. If I can't change how they think then I at least need to be 100% clear on my expected boundaries when my child is with that person. Good for you!

PurpleWomat - It was probably predictable that the comment would upset him, given what seems to be a whole host of repressed issues surrounding his masculinity. I'd probably have said nothing just to avoid the argument/for an easier life, but you're NTA.

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I had a boyfriend once (for a short, short time) who used to see penises everywhere. I mean everywhere. Your dad immediately reminded me of him. Who looks at a kids tv show sees homosexuals who shouldn't be around kids? At best odd.

threehamsofhorror - NTA. I’m 33 (F) and my dad was like this my entire life. My mom passed when I was a kid, so it was my dad raising us (myself and 2 older sisters) and we just put up with it as we felt it wasn’t harmful and it was just dad stuff.

When I was an adult on my own his fragility began to bother me a bit as I saw it for what it was. He isn’t a bad person, he was just raised a certain way and had these toxic traits pushed onto him. I have a close enough relationship with him that I can address things or just make fun of him for it.

And honestly, it’s been over 10 years of me fighting against it and he has really changed his view point. I remember years ago at a family event my dad showed up with my step mom talking about a movie they just saw. My dad made a “joke” about men kissing in the movie being gross so I said “maybe men kissing makes you uncomfortable because you’re jealous.”

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He has thick skin and laughed at it, but having that said to him in front of lots of family made him uncomfortable. He addressed it with me and I asked him to imagine how uncomfortable it would feel to be a gay man having to hear my dads jokes. Or if one of the grandkids was gay and hadn’t come out yet having to hear how their grandpa finds them gross.

It was the biggest turning point for him. I have had to address a few things with him, and he has come to me with questions on things but the “jokes” and comments completely stopped. You’re not the a**hole, but if you’re comfortable with it and your relationship allows it talk to him about his comments and put things in perspective for him in a way that he can absorb. Always speak up though.

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This family saga is a clash between prejudice and courage, as the OP’s sharp retort disrupts the mood. Reddit backs her, denouncing her father’s homophobia and calling for change. How do you effectively challenge family bias? What would you do when loved ones express harmful views? Share your thoughts below—let’s unpack this drama!

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