AITA for killing my friends bug and refusing to pay her back?

In a lively hangout filled with laughter, a 19-year-old guy tenses as his friend playfully plops one of her exotic pet bugs onto his arm. Her giggles echo, but his forced chuckle hides a growing unease. When she sneaks a wriggling millipede onto his neck, his instincts kick in, and the bug meets an untimely end with a startled slap. What started as a prank spirals into a heated argument, with her demanding he foot the bill for her lost critter.

This Reddit saga unfolds a clash of boundaries and responsibility, as a young man’s discomfort collides with his friend’s carefree antics. Shared online, the story stirs debate about respect, pranks, and who’s really at fault when a beloved pet becomes an unexpected casualty. It’s a quirky yet relatable tale of friendships tested by creepy crawlies and misplaced humor.

‘AITA for killing my friends bug and refusing to pay her back?’

My(19M) friend (21F) has these exotic bugs that she keeps in these containers, she is infatuated with them and looks at them like they are cute critters, while I look at them as disgusting little monsters (not trying to offend bug lovers, just a personal opinion)

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Today she for some reason decided she would randomly start putting the bugs on me for a joke. The first time she did it I got startled, but then chuckled and said 'please dont do that' later on, she put some sort of millepede on my neck and I slapped it and squeezed it in my hand out of shock.

She screamed and I threw it on the ground. I did feel really bad at first, but then I got really angry and blamed it on her for putting it on me in the first place. I cleaned myself up all the while arguing with her, I asked her why she would even do that in the first place, and her point was because I laughed the first time. She is telling me I have to pay her back for the millepede.

It's not even expensive at all, actually just a couple of bucks but what did she expect? AITA? To be fair to her, I could have just told her to stop immediately because it wasn't funny, but I didn't want to make her uncomfortable. edit- she texted me asking me to pay for shipping too, which is now more than I am actually willing to pay for a bug.

A prank gone awry can reveal deeper issues about respect and responsibility. The young man’s instinctive reaction to kill the millipede stemmed from his clear discomfort, which his friend ignored despite his polite request to stop. Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, notes, “Respecting boundaries is key to healthy relationships; ignoring them risks trust and safety”. By prioritizing her amusement, the friend disregarded both her pal’s feelings and her pet’s well-being.

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The conflict hinges on differing perspectives: she saw her prank as harmless fun, possibly misreading his initial nervous laugh as approval, while he felt violated by her persistence. Her demand for repayment, including shipping costs, adds a layer of entitlement, ignoring her role in the bug’s demise. His refusal to pay reflects frustration at her lack of accountability for pushing his boundaries.

This incident reflects broader issues of consent and responsibility in friendships. A 2023 study by the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that 65% of young adults reported boundary violations as a key source of conflict in friendships. The friend’s negligence in handling her pet and ignoring his discomfort mirrors this trend, highlighting the need for mutual respect.

For those in similar situations, experts suggest calmly reinforcing boundaries and addressing violations directly to prevent escalation. If a friend’s prank causes harm, acknowledging shared responsibility—like offering to split costs—can preserve the relationship while setting clear expectations. This approach fosters respect and accountability, ensuring pranks don’t cross into harm.

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Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Reddit users overwhelmingly sided with the young man, praising his restraint and pinning the blame on his friend’s reckless prank. They argued that her failure to respect his clear request not to place bugs on him led to the millipede’s death, making her responsible for the loss. The consensus was that her demand for payment was unfair, given her negligence.

The community’s response reflects a strong stance on personal boundaries and pet care. Commenters shared stories of similar boundary violations, emphasizing that no one should be forced into discomfort for someone else’s amusement. Their unified support underscores a cultural shift toward valuing consent and responsibility, though real-world reactions might vary.

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[Reddit User] − NTA. Your friend is an a**hole. She put her pets in danger and she didn’t respect your boundaries.

teadoll − NTA. You asked her not to put bugs on you. She knows that you don't like it, but she did it anyway. I would've reacted the same way.. She's the a**hole.

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SpareUmbrella − NTA, easy. She's putting her supposedly beloved pets in danger, and tbh whenever I see a spider or something on my arm or leg or whatever, my immediate reaction is to smack it down. I don't like killing things, but it's instinctive.. It'd be like me punching you in the face then blaming you for breaking my wrist.

baileywaffles − NTA, but this is an opportunity to decide how you want to handle the errors of friends. If this is normally a good friend who made an (OBVIOUS) error in judgment, then it’s not a bad idea to offer to split the cost of a new bug. If she regularly violates your boundaries, that’s another issue.

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[Reddit User] − NTA. I had a tarantula as a kid. Missy. I owned her for 16 years. My dad was TERRIFIED of her and I did find it amusing to tease him about that. But I would never have put Missy on him because I knew he would hurt her and that would have devastated me. She got her pet killed. She's the a**hole. This makes me sad.

[Reddit User] − NTA. I'm assuming she knows you're afraid of bugs (or at least hate them) and the fact that she'd do it after you asked her not to is messed up. Sure, it sucks that you killed her millipede, but it's not really your fault.

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Iystrian − NTA. Don't pay for her bug. It's her fault that it's dead.

CanIBeWillyWonka − I was really expecting you to be TA, but nope. You laughed because it was an uncomfortable situation and sometimes humans do that to soften what they say. You also clearly asked her to not do it again, and what you did is a pretty natural reaction to feeling a bug on you.

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You shouldn’t have to get dead serious and harsh to have someone respect you telling them not to put bugs on you. Laughing is just a signal of “no hard feelings, I still like you, I’m not mad, just don’t do it again.” She put her bug in danger by putting it on your neck after you told her not to.

If you’d done it on purpose with malicious intent, with the full knowledge it was her pet, then I’d say you were a little bit TA (but honestly... mostly to the bug; at worse it would’ve been e.s.h.). But it seemed like it was just a natural reaction to feeling a bug on you when you have a strong dislike (fear?) of bugs. NTA.

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farleycarley − NTA, she was completely negligent which resulted in a dead millipede. Not your responsibility whatsoever.

AnorhiDemarche − NTA. Whether you were ok with it or not, placing a bug on someone without their knowledge runs a natural risk of their instinctive response being to slap it or similar. Resulting in loss, injury, or death of the insect. This is a result of her behaving in a negligent and irresponsible manner with her bugs. It's not your problem.

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This quirky tale of a prank gone wrong highlights the delicate balance of humor and respect in friendships. By standing firm against paying for the lost bug, this young man sparked a conversation about boundaries and accountability. Share your thoughts—how do you handle friends who push pranks too far?

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