AITA for not contributing anymore to my daughter’s college costs after years of child support that had a provision for a college fund?

The weight of 13 years of child support payments hung heavy on one father’s shoulders. Having funneled 38% of his income to support his daughter, including a college fund, he thought his duty was done. But when his 18-year-old daughter called, asking for college cash, the truth hit hard: her mother’s mismanagement left the fund nearly empty. His refusal to step in again stirred a family firestorm.

Caught between past sacrifices and new responsibilities, the 26-year-old dad stood firm, prioritizing his young twins and retirement. Yet, his daughter’s hurt and his family’s outrage painted him as the villain. This Reddit saga dives into the messy crossroads of financial fairness, parental duty, and the fallout of broken trust, asking where obligation ends and self-preservation begins.

‘AITA for not contributing anymore to my daughter’s college costs after years of child support that had a provision for a college fund?’

For almost 13 years, I was paying nearly 38% of my pretax income as child support for my daughter. My ex wife was always assigned minimum wage despite her choice to stay at home while her husband worked. She has a higher earning potential than I do. Part of this child support was earmarked for a college fund.

But it was up to my ex's discretion on how it gets invested.  I had no say despite fighting for that right. This support order has really made me suffer for years financially but I never once missed a payment. My wife and i even delayed having kids just so I could afford paying the support.

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My daughter turned 18 two months ago and I finally have the money to start saving up a college fund for my two younger children who are 8 month old twins, as well get my retirement back on track. My daughter reached out to me last week asking for a third of her college costs. I told her that it needs to come from the college fund her mother was saving.

I then found out that due to some stupid decisions on my ex's part, there's only 13k in the fund, instead of what should have been nearly 95k. My daughter is innocent in this but I can't keep draining my finances because of my ex's selfishness and bad decisions. This created a huge fight between me and my daughter.

She then proceeded to go to my parents who are now planning on selling some assets to pay for her education. And now, my brother and sister have turned against me and are saying that my daughter shouldn't be our parents problem.

But I am refusing to sabotage my retirement and the younger kids' college. I'm so tired of all this. Everyone has turned against me, my wife and the my two younger kids. I've been feeling so depressed. My daughter won't even talk to me anymore.. AITA?

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This father’s refusal to fund his daughter’s college after years of hefty child support payments is a gut-wrenching dilemma. He fulfilled his legal duty, including college fund contributions, but his ex-wife’s mismanagement left their daughter stranded. His choice to protect his twins’ future and retirement reflects a hard boundary, yet it’s sparked family strife, with his daughter feeling abandoned.

Financial disputes in families often unearth deeper issues of trust and responsibility. A 2021 Pew Research study shows 41% of parents feel financially burdened by supporting adult children, especially post-divorce (source). The ex-wife’s discretion over the fund, without oversight, created this mess, not the father’s actions.

Financial planner Suze Orman advises, “You can’t save your kids from bad choices, but you can protect your own financial health” (source). Here, the father’s stance aligns with this, prioritizing his household’s stability. Still, his daughter’s innocence in her mother’s errors complicates the emotional fallout.

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To move forward, he could guide his daughter toward scholarships, loans, or part-time work, while fostering open talks to rebuild trust. Encouraging her to confront her mother’s role might redirect anger. This story underscores that parental duty has limits, urging families to balance empathy with financial reality.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Reddit didn’t mince words, tossing out fiery takes with a sprinkle of outrage. Here’s what the crowd had to say:

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MsBaseball34 − NTA - you already paid for her college via the investments. The fact that her mother lost it is not your fault. And I'm soooooo tired of kids thinking their parents MUST pay for their college. News flash - college is not a RIGHT; it is a CHOICE.

luxemburgist − NTA You already paid into the college fund. Tell your parents not to help out since it was the ex-wife that gambled away all the money.

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[Reddit User] − NTA. Your ex wife SPENT almost all of the 100k you gave her for your kids college fund on herself. She would rather live off of child support and her daughter college fund than get a career and apply herself in life.

You already paid the college costs up front and your ex wife literially STOLE that money from her daughter and spent it but now everyone is mad at YOU? F**k that. The rage should be directed at your ex wife who squandered her daughter's future for her own selfishness.

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GarconMeansBoyGeorge − INFO: what happened to the money? Was it invested or stolen by the mom? No responsible 529 should have lost money like you described.

AceyAceyAcey − NTA. Why TF are your parents selling off assets instead of her getting loans?

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attakburr − Tbh, NAH, except your ex-wife and siblings. - NA: You cannot sacrifice the future of your family for college. Because let’s be honest, you will probably continue to support your 18-year-old daughter in other ways... including financially at times in the future. - NA: your current wife and two 8 month children deserve stability as well

- NA: if you do not save for retirement, who will help take care of you? Your 18yo daughter cannot reasonably make that promise... nor should she at this age. - NA: your parents are making the decision to support her on *their own.* that is their right, and extremely kind and generous of them. - AH: your siblings seem to think it is your fault that your parents are choosing to help your daughter.

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That is extremely s**tty of them. Do they have kids? I wonder how they would react in a similar situation for their own kids. (And maybe that is part of the problem? They don’t see their kids being treated “fairly”? Which is stupid. My guess is your parents are looking at the **OUTCOMES** and **OPPORTUNITIES** for their grandkids not then road to get there and wanting to make sure all grandkids are set.)

- AH: your ex for obvious reasons. She was given ~~$38k/year~~ 38% for 18 years to help care for your daughter & fund her future and she did not. ~~Also I imagine had she properly invested that money would be more than $100k by now with compounding interest.~~ Misread original post. - NA: your daughter. I imagine she was told as she grew up that you were providing her college fund.

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But the money is gone, thanks to her mom ... And now, she is desperate. She is 18, I can think of very few 18 year olds who fully understood the consequences of big decisions at that age. Don’t forget science shows our brains and bodies are still maturing and changing until mid-twenties. (That means her behaviors and reactions are still not going to be up to snuff to a typical adult.).

So... I do not understand how people are calling your daughter an a**hole. College is insanely expensive. And we can argue about the value per dollar spent, but it still very much increases earning potential for any adult unless truly bad decisions are made. **And,** being able to graduate without debt (or with less debt) also significantly increases quality of life and ability to get ahead in life.

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I feel like the people saying your daughter is an AH forget how overwhelming it is to see that total on the first tuition payment. It’s probably the first time she is handling that quantity of money (or being asked to) and suddenly has to face 3-6 years of it, depending on her area of focus. But OP, you have done your absolute best in this scenario. You fought for oversight of the college fund, for split financials...

u/cvbnm122 **To me, the best option is to give your parents support and gratitude for being willing to help your daughter... and then teach your daughter the financial literacy she probably will not learn from her mom.** **Help your daughter get out of the cycle of bad financial decisions, and help her understand what an incredible gift her grandparents are giving her.**. Edit: 38% not 38k.

Drakontus − NTA. It's not your fault your ex made bad choices and you have other children to think of.

crazytib − Did you fight for custody of the child or have joint custody or anything like that, need more info

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webbkitten − NTA. You provided the money for college already. If her mom lost it, she can get a damn job and replace it. Does your daughter know what her mom did, and how much money should be in her account? Because she's the one who should deal with this.

Your daughter is also now an adult. She can get a damn job, too. As others have said, college is not a right, and most of us had to take out loans for college. It won't kill her; yes, it sucks, but that's her mom's bad decisions, not yours. Let her mom and stepdad co-sign

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arisomething − NTA but what do you really expect your daughter to do? She ended up in a bad situation through no fault of her own. She went to you for help and you can't. That's a reasonable response on your end but what does reason mean to her right now? At the end of the day, you already done your due diligence.

But your daughter still has college fees. She still has to pay for school. She went and found somebody who can help her. You haven't done anything wrong. But I'm sure to others it just looks like you're refusing to help your daughter. I'm sure that's how it feels to her. You are caught between a rock and a hard place and I'm really sorry for that.

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These hot takes sizzle with frustration, but do they crack the shell of this family’s pain? Reddit’s rallying cry points fingers, mostly at the ex-wife.

This college fund fiasco lays bare the scars of divorce and financial betrayal. The father’s stand, rooted in years of sacrifice, clashed with his daughter’s dreams, leaving a family fractured. It’s a stark reminder that money disputes can tear at love’s seams. Where do you draw the line between past promises and present needs? If you were in this dad’s shoes, what would you do? Share your thoughts below!

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