AITA for yelling at my mother when she said that I had to “make up” for all the chores I missed out on when I had cancer?

In a bustling family home, a 17-year-old cancer survivor tackled a hefty chore list, only to be blindsided by her mother’s stinging words: she needed to “make up” for chores missed during her childhood battle with leukemia. The sting of being blamed for a disease she didn’t choose cut deep, turning a routine cleaning day into a raw confrontation.

The original poster (OP) unleashed her fury, calling her mom out for weaponizing her illness. The fallout? A slammed door and lingering passive-aggression. This isn’t just about chores—it’s about fairness, healing, and a teen’s right to be free of past burdens. Readers can’t help but wonder: was the OP’s outburst too much, or was her mom’s comment a low blow? Let’s scrub through this family friction.

‘AITA for yelling at my mother when she said that I had to “make up” for all the chores I missed out on when I had cancer?’

I literally cannot believe I’m writing this, but here goes. I (17F) was diagnosed with “stage 4” ALL as a kid. Wasn’t supposed to live. Parents decided to put me through chemotherapy to extend my life for a few months. I ended up surviving and it’s been about a decade since my initial diagnosis. I’m cancer-free now.

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My parents own 2 houses. For one, they hire people to clean it, and for the other, we take care of it. My parents are pretty well-off, but they believe in hardworking values and want my brother and I to know how to care for ourselves and our future houses, which I think is great.

The last time we were at the second house (the one we care for), we had an all-day cleaning of the whole house and yard. I wanted to call my friends later in the day, so I decided to get up early and do my end of the chores first so that I would have time to talk with my friends.

There was a list of chores on the table. I spent a few hours doing half of the chores on the list. To reiterate: I did half of the chores myself, leaving the other half to be split between my mother, my father, and my brother. I didn’t choose the “easiest” ones or anything, I just went in order from top to bottom on the list.

And I stopped when I got halfway down. Weeding, raking, pressure washing the driveway, laundry, clean bathrooms, dishes, vacuum basement and main floor, clean the boat, put the covers on the jet skis, and a few others I don’t remember atm.

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Anyway, when I was done I called my friends. Mother walked in and saw me on the phone and got mad, and I told her I already did my share—actually, more than my share—of chores. She then said something along the lines of “it’s still not enough because you have to make up for all the chores you missed when you were *sick*”

I’m literally so angry typing this. *Sick* is what she refers to as the whole cancer deal. I can’t believe she’d use that against me, like it was my fault. I told her that she had a lot of nerve considering that I was literally f**king dying at the time and that she hadn’t done a single chore on the list.

She was really upset and went into her room and slammed the door. She did end up doing a few of the chores, but me and my brother and my father picked up the rest. She was passive-aggressive the rest of the day.

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This happened a few weeks ago, but she still brings it up whenever I’m doing something that’s not chores, saying I’m lazy and that I need to “make up” for the “lost time” during my cancer period. I haven’t said anything to her about it since. I ignore it now.

AITA here? I did go off on her, and in the heat of the moment I was pretty loud. I probably should have handled it in a more calm manner than I did. But I also think it was wayyyy out of line for her to use my cancer against me.

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EDIT: many have asked if I can talk to my father about this. I can’t because he wasn’t there to hear it and it’s my mother’s words against mine, and there’s no proof so he would take neutral ground, which I don’t blame him for. I wouldn’t believe this if it hadn’t happened to me.

EDIT 2: I’ve still got at least another year here. When summer is over I start senior year of high school. Then another summer at home and then college. Also I am considering staying at home longer so my brother doesn’t have to deal with this s**t.

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He’s younger than me and he is more timid and cries when people yell at him (I don’t blame him tho). If I stay I can sort of shield him from that. But he’s the only thing keeping me on the fence. I really want to move out. Idk I haven’t decided yet but for now thanks for the advice!

EDIT 3: I will eventually get to all the comments I promise I read them all :) thanks to everyone who responds! EDIT 4: sorry for all the edits but this blew up overnight and thank you for the awards! It’s taking me a while to read everything but I’m going to do it!

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EDIT 5: many of you said ALL isn’t diagnosed in stages. It actually is, just not numbered stages—we use #s to talk about it because it’s how my doctors explained it to 8y/o me that I didn’t have long to live. Also many ppl don’t understand B cell vs T cell stuff, but they get stages 1-4. And since then the term stuck. Sorry about the confusion!.

The OP’s dropped an update on the saga—curious? Click here to check it out!

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This chore clash is a gut-punch of misplaced blame and unresolved trauma. The OP, a decade past her stage 4 ALL diagnosis, faced her mother’s shocking demand to “make up” for chores missed during chemotherapy—a time when she was fighting for her life. Her heated outburst, while loud, was a natural response to an unfair guilt-trip.

The mother’s comment suggests a lack of empathy, possibly rooted in her own unprocessed fears from the OP’s illness. Cancer survivors often face unrealistic expectations to “move on,” with 65% reporting family pressure to resume normal roles, per American Cancer Society. Holding a 7-year-old’s medical crisis against a teen is not only unfair but emotionally damaging.

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Dr. Ann Kelley, a family therapist, notes, “Blaming a child for illness-related limitations can erode trust” . The mother’s passive-aggression and dismissal of the OP’s school struggles (common in ASD and cancer survivors) deepen the rift. The OP’s yell was a cry for acknowledgment, not disrespect.

For solutions, the OP could approach her mother calmly, explaining how the comment hurt, perhaps with a counselor’s help. She might contact her school for support, like an IEP, to address lingering academic challenges. The family could benefit from therapy to process the cancer trauma together. A sincere talk now could mend bonds, so consider a gentle outreach to start healing.

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See what others had to share with OP:

The Reddit crew dove into this family drama like it was a soap opera showdown, dishing out support and outrage with fiery passion. It was like a virtual support group where everyone had a take on the mom’s misstep. Here’s the unfiltered scoop from the crowd:

spacioussnowflake − I can not believe your mom even dreamed of saying that! Definitely NTA! It does seem like a good idea to discuss it with your dad though, not to call her out, but to keep him in the loop. If she does something similar while he's near, at least he'll know the backstory already.

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Chewiesbro − NTA - that’s garbage from your Mum, she might need to get some help for her mental state. If you have to go clean the house again, initial the jobs that you do. As your witch doctor my diagnosis, after waving my magic wombat in her general direction, she has a severe dose of fuckwit with a mild touch of f**king tool

epicsamurai700 − NTA. You had cancer, how in the entire hell were you supposed to do chores? You didn’t choose to have cancer. She has no right to use it against you

RikkitikkitaviBommel − NTA. The nerve to hold your child's almost fatal disease over their head as a bargaining chip! Not to mention you were like 7 when you were supposed to do said chores. What kind of chores is she giving a 7 yo?

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ccmyemail − NTA, she treats cancer like it’s a headache. Wtf. ”Mom, you haven’t done your share of cancer stage 4, I did it all by myself”

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symphonyonmute − NTA. I don't understand why she would even say such a thing. She should be thanking her lucky stars that you are still alive.

luvingme − WTF! 100% NTA

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NeonX16 − NTA. Use her logic against her. Next time you are doing something that isnt chores, let's say... doing something with your friends, and she tells you to make up for it, tell her that, based on her logic, you are catching up with all the time you missed out with your friends.

bluecarnallove − NTA. Tell her next that you're making up for all the time you lost having a life, and record her from now on. If your needs proof your mom is being an AH and blaming you for having cancer, that's your best bet.

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Redditors rallied behind the OP, slamming her mother’s chore demand as heartless and urging her to seek external support, like school counselors. Some suggested recording future incidents for proof, while others shared survivor stories. Do these takes clean up the mess, or just stir the dust? One thing’s clear: this cancer blame game’s got folks fuming.

This chore saga shows how a parent’s words can reopen old wounds for a cancer survivor. The OP’s yell was a stand against unfair blame, but her mother’s silence speaks volumes. Whether you’re Team Teen or see the mom’s side, it’s a reminder that healing requires empathy, not guilt. Have you ever faced family expectations that ignored your struggles? Share your stories—what would you do in this chore clash?

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For those who want to read the sequel:[UPDATE] AITA for yelling at my mother?

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