WIBTA if I just chose not to go to my sisters wedding?

A summer wedding at a local park should have been a joyous occasion, but for one family, it’s sparked a bitter divide. When the invitation arrived, marked “child-free,” a sibling with two young sons felt their vision of a family celebration crumble. Declining to attend, they cited their belief that weddings should include kids, refusing to arrange babysitting for what they see as a non-essential event.

The bride-to-be, stung by the rejection, lashed out, threatening to cut ties, while parents pleaded for peace. This tale unravels the clash of personal values and family expectations, where a sibling’s principled stand risks fracturing bonds on what should be a day of love. It’s a poignant look at how differing views on family can turn a wedding into a battleground.

‘WIBTA if I just chose not to go to my sisters wedding?’

My sister has a wedding coming up this summer. Its not a destination wedding, it will be in a local park/pavilion, she just told us about it recently and told us to expect the invitations, but we knew it was a possibility with as I heard recently her boyfriend asked our dad about how he would feel if they got married (essentially asking for her hand in marriage, old fashioned but I guess).

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Well, when we received the invitations, it said this wedding will be 'child free'. Once I got my invitation, I called my sister up just to discuss the wedding and give her my response by phone. I didn't mention the child free part, just asked about the wedding and how her planning was going.

She seemed excited, told me she can't wait to be the 'center of attention' on her special day. I congratulated her, but I told her as its child free and I have two sons, I wouldn't be able to make it, I would send a gift with our parents though. She kinda got upset and asked why I wasn't going to come.

I simply told her weddings are family events for me, and if its not a family event I don't see the point (i.e. kids being allowed).Our parents are  the important people to be there for her special day, so I don't feel my presence as direly needed. My sister was very unhappy about this, she yelled that I never even tried to find babysitting or come to her wedding.

She got angry because last year I attended our cousins wedding, and she feels hers should be more important and one I should want to attend. Their wedding wasn't child free, my kids were there, very well behaved and it was definitely a family event.

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I don't feel that I should shell out money to have someone watch my kids, just to watch her get married and honestly I just don't want to. I didn't mention her changing the rule, I just told her I wouldn't be attending. She got angry and is now involving my husband and parents in my decision, saying if I choose not to come she won't speak to me again (her hill to die on, not my problem).

My parents would like me to come just to keep the peace, and my husband says its really my decision and he backs me either way. Personally I don't feel like an A**hole cause I'm not asking her to change anything, I'm just making a personal decision. WIBTA for not attending?

This wedding dispute reveals the tension between personal beliefs and family obligations. The sibling’s refusal to attend their sister’s child-free wedding stems from a deeply held view that weddings are family affairs, inclusive of children. Their decision not to arrange babysitting, while a personal choice, dismisses the sister’s vision for her day, escalating into a relational rift. The sister’s threat to cut contact and the parents’ plea for peace highlight the emotional stakes, but the sibling’s stance risks prioritizing principle over connection.

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Child-free weddings are increasingly common, with a 2023 WeddingWire survey noting 25% of U.S. weddings exclude children to create an adult-focused celebration. The sibling’s comparison to a cousin’s child-inclusive wedding ignores the couple’s autonomy to set their event’s tone. Their refusal to compromise, like arranging a sitter, suggests underlying resentment, as Reddit’s Kerri_23 hinted, possibly beyond the child-free rule.

Dr. Susan Heitler, a family therapist, notes, “Family conflicts often arise when personal values clash with others’ boundaries; compromise signals respect, not surrender”. Here, the sibling’s rigid stance undermines their sister’s right to a child-free event, while their casual dismissal of her wedding’s importance (“just to watch her get married”) fuels her hurt. Heitler’s insight suggests a middle ground could preserve the relationship.

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To resolve this, the sibling could attend for the ceremony, leaving kids with a sitter for a few hours, showing support without endorsing the rule. A heartfelt talk with the sister, acknowledging her feelings, might ease tensions. The parents’ mediation could help, but only if both sides soften their stances. This case invites reflection on balancing personal convictions with family unity during milestone moments.

Check out how the community responded:

Reddit’s response leaned heavily against the sibling, with most labeling them the asshole for prioritizing their stance over their sister’s wedding. Here are the top comments:

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[Reddit User] − YTA. Children do not have to be part of every thing that happens. You are showing your sister how little you care for her.

OsaBear92 − Going off grain here, YTA... and here is specifically why. To me, your taking a slight offense to it. The comment about how weddings should be 'family' affairs, is nonsense. To each their own. And your right in that, you don't HAVE to go. And it is absolutely ok, and not an insult, to decline and invitation. However...

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Your reasoning is unsound. A lot of people want weddings to be a party! Sometimes that means a grownup party where adults can enjoy the celebration and unwind worry free for a night. Your sister having a childfree wedding doesn't mean she 'doesn't want family there'.

Just means she wants everyone who attends to enjoy them selves, responsibility free. If you had a good/decent relationship with her growing up and now, and your simply choosing not to go over something so miniscule?

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Yeah YTA... she doesn't sound mad, she sounds sad that you can't be bothered to go and support her and have fun with her. There is nothing wrong with getting a sitter for that night so you can have a no kids night. And Im a parent. So even Im not sure why this is the hill you want to do die on. Its kinda silly. Good luck OP.

Fritemare − Edited to change my vote to YTA after reading comments. Also edited my explanation. It's messed up that you are skipping your sister's wedding and playing it off as some unimportant event.

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It's s**tty that you can't hire a babysitter for a couple hours so you can be there. Your reason of 'personal freedom' is ridiculous too. I can't believe this is worth ruining your relationship with your sister over.

Kerri_23 − YTA. It seems like you are choosing a weird hill to die on. I feel like there is way more to this story than a “child free” wedding invitation.

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photosbeersandteach − YTA. “Just to watch her get married.” That’s a pretty dismiss way to describe your sister’s wedding. The way you write about your sisters wedding comes off as incredibly judgement.

(Old fashioned, but I guess…if it’s not a family event, it’s not worth going.) I could see it if this was a wedding you have to travel for, but you really won’t get a babysitter for a few hours to watch your kids so you can attend your sister’s wedding?

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Embarrassed_Hat_2904 − YTA your Kids don’t have to go everywhere you go. But I think you’re just using this as an excuse not to go to your sisters wedding!

absolutebeast_ − YTA, it’s your sisters wedding and you don’t seem to mention that you’re not close with her or that you’re not getting along in general so I’m going to assume that you’re ditching a very important day for her without even attempting to compromise bc you don’t wanna leave your kids for a few hours and don’t wanna pay for a babysitter.

[Reddit User] − Bleh, your high and mighty attitude makes YTA. “If it’s not a family event I don’t see the point”. Obviously this is a very special day for her and it seems you’re using it to make a point

WorsePartOfValor − YTA Why is your opinion critical but your sister's opinion is not important? To the point of saying that a wedding not done your way isn't worth even an hour of your time? Even your own sister's wedding?. This sounds like it's really about you wanting the attention instead of your sister.

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intolerablefem − NTA for not wanting to go, but YTA for your comment about weddings being a family affair. It’s almost like you’re holding a grudge against her for not wanting to include your children in her big day. Your feelings about weddings being a family affair would be valid if it were your own wedding, but her wedding isn’t about catering to your desires.

This story captures the sting of a family rift over a child-free wedding, where a sibling’s refusal to attend risks severing ties with their sister. Their belief that weddings should include kids clashes with the bride’s vision, raising questions about compromise and loyalty. Is standing by your principles worth missing a loved one’s big day? Share your thoughts below and dive into this wedding-season showdown.

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