AITA for turning a book my mom gave me into a “secret compartment book”?

A 16th birthday gift lands with a thud when a conservative mom hands her teen a dusty guide to pleasing husbands. Fast-forward to the teen, now 25 and proudly asexual, recalling their rebellious stab at repurposing The Care and Keeping of Husbands into a secret compartment book—a crafty hideout for treasures, not marital tips. The plan flopped, and their snooping mom, finding the mangled pages, grounded them for a month. Years later, the rift remains, with mom still fuming over the “ruined” gift. Was this a creative rebellion or a disrespectful jab?

This isn’t just about a botched book—it’s a clash of values, identity, and family expectations. Reddit’s rallying behind the teen’s ingenuity, but the sting of estrangement lingers. Readers, flip open this family drama and decide: was the book’s makeover a bold move, or a step too far? The pages await your verdict.

‘AITA for turning a book my mom gave me into a “secret compartment book”?’

The now-25-year-old spilled their crafty caper on Reddit, dishing the details of their teenage attempt to reimagine a misguided gift and the fallout that followed. Here’s their unfiltered tale of books, boundaries, and birthday blues.

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You've probably seen these books. But it's what it says: a book that is hollowed out to hold something, like an engagement ring, weed, money, etc. When I was sixteen (I'm twenty-five now), my mom gave me this book called 'The Care and Keeping of Husbands', a self-help book.

Yes, my mom is super conservative and into family values and thinks that a woman's place is in the kitchen, etc. And yes she thought this was a good idea for a sixteenth birthday present when my friends were getting cars or nice jewelry or designer bags.

Sometime later, I found tutorial on how to make a 'secret compartment book' and decided to use that 'Care and Keeping of Husbands' book as a guinea pig. It didn't work, so I hid the mangled book in my backpack so I could dispose it at school. Well, my mom found it while snooping through my backpack, freaked out, and proceeded to ground me for the next month.

We don't talk to each other anymore, but when we did she always brought up how I am an a**hole for ruining her birthday present to me and how that book will help me make my future husband happy.

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Which would be fine and dandy, but I literally had no other use for that book: I'm asexual and I have no interest getting a husband ever.. But it does boil down to this: AITA for 'ruining' my mom's birthday present to me?

A gift should spark joy, not chains, and this teen’s attempt to reshape a preachy book into something useful was a cry for autonomy. Their mother’s choice of The Care and Keeping of Husbands for a 16-year-old, paired with snooping through their backpack, screams control, not care, as Reddit’s NTA crew cheers. The teen, asexual and uninterested in marriage, found no value in the book’s dated dogma, making their crafty pivot a rebellious reclaiming of identity. Mom’s lingering grudge years later only deepens the divide.

This taps into family dynamics around identity. A 2023 study in Journal of Family Issues found that 67% of teens with non-conforming identities face parental pushback on personal expression, often escalating estrangement. The mother’s rigid values clashed with her child’s emerging self.

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Family therapist Virginia Satir once said, “Respecting a child’s individuality fosters connection; imposing beliefs breeds distance”. Her wisdom highlights the mother’s misstep—ignoring her teen’s asexuality and interests fueled rebellion, not ruin. The grounding and ongoing shaming were disproportionate to a failed craft.

The OP should stand firm in their identity, perhaps seeking mediation if they ever reconnect. Mom needs to reflect on her gift’s message and privacy breach.

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Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Reddit dove into this bookish brouhaha with quips as sharp as a paper cut. From applauding the teen’s crafty defiance to roasting mom’s 1950s mindset, here’s a lively stack of their reactions, sprinkled with wit.

zgamer200 − NTA Your mother is for trying to force her view of the world and gender norms onto you, not to mention the breach of privacy by going through your backpack. I applaud you for having found a creative use for such a useless present, even if it didn't work out.

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lefkoz − NTA. You can do with your possessions as you please. It was a gift, so it was yours.. Sounds like you tried to give it a value, since it's words didn't hold any.

BlondeAmbition123 − NTA: at all. That is the worst birthday present ever. I wish it had worked tho! You could hide all your asexual accoutrements in there (to be fair—I don’t know what this would be but I’m sure there’s something subversive there).

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phdoofus − NTA. You're not just the brood mare to some future guy to be named later.

politetemper − I’m willing to bet there’s not an equivalent book called Care and Keeping of Wives. I personally would have highlighted and annotated all the chapters I don’t think she does to this obviously informative book’s standard, and given it back to her on *her* birthday 😁... but I’m Petty Crocker.. NTA

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cassidy1111111 − Nta As a book lover I was visualizing an amazing book with foiled pages and colored block pictures (since it was a birthday present) and I was cringing over it. But damn that’s a crappy book to receive for a gift. Also, as much as I’d hate this if it was a special book, still nta. You can do what you want with your property.

Lo_Siviero − NTA, i think thats not a gift for a teenager and you probably wouldnt read, you tried to modify it to something kinda cool but it didnt work out. I think your mom its TA because after so many years she didnt forgived you and still talks about it.

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verminiusrex − NTA, although I'd say your only mistake was picking a book she was likely to notice. My wife used to make secret compartment books. If you take up the hobby again, I recommend getting outdated textbooks from Goodwill (which was her source) for practice.

raspberrychapstick − So NTA. Your birthday present wasn’t even for you, it was for the benefit of some imaginary man in your imaginary future. You were finding use for an otherwise useless to you thing - it was your property to repurpose.

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DaniCapsFan − It sounds like a really s**tty birthday present from someone whose thinking hasn't evolved beyond the 1950s. I don't blame you for wanting to turn it into something useful.. Your mom is an a-hole for giving you a s**tty gift and an a-hole for going through your backpack.. NTA.

These Reddit lines read like a bestseller, but do they bind the truth? Is the OP a creative hero, or did they tear up family ties?

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This tale of a hollowed-out book is a vibrant chapter of rebellion and self-discovery. The teen’s bid to transform a tone-deaf gift, backed by Reddit’s cheers, was less about destruction and more about claiming their asexual truth against a mother’s rigid script. As estrangement casts a shadow, one question lingers: can they write a new chapter with mom? Readers, what would you do with a gift that missed your soul? Flip open your stories and verdicts below—this saga’s pages are still turning!

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