WIBTA if I abandon my baby siblings and father?

The walls of a family home can feel like a cage when every day brings tension and unasked-for duties. For a 22-year-old, life revolves around playing stand-in parent to two young half-siblings, a role thrust upon them by parents too stretched to afford daycare. But with a stepmother’s hostility and a father’s heartfelt pleas to stay, leaving feels like betraying the family they love.

This Reddit confession, raw with guilt and longing, pulls us into a heart-wrenching choice. Is moving out abandoning their siblings and father, or a necessary step to reclaim their life? With love, duty, and mental health at stake, this story hooks us with its deeply personal struggle.

‘WIBTA if I abandon my baby siblings and father?’

I'm 22 and living with my father, my 2 half-siblings, and my stepmother. My stepmother and I don't get along and its to the point where I'm actively looking for a new place to live. The issue is that they depend on me to care for my siblings ages 5 and 7. They both work long hours and can't afford to put the kids into a daycare.

Normally I'm OK with it but its difficult for me to find a job or do anything when I am pretty much a stay at home mother for my siblings. I'm not resentful of the kids although I do wish my parents had given me a choice before making me the primary caretaker.

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My father raised me as a single parent for the first 13 years of my life and has confided in me that he does not want me to leave. I have an older sister, 27, who left for the same reasons I am. My dad worked hard to raise me and my sister on his own and I feel guilty if I just leave him and my siblings with my hellspawn of a stepmother.

My dad has made it known that if I leave it'll break his heart and financially they will be in trouble since they'd need to find a new caretaker. I would stay but staying in the same home as my stepmother makes me crazy and honestly makes me incredibly depressed.

I've tried to fix things between us but her only response was that if I'm unhappy at home then I can get out just like my sister. So, will I be the a**hole if I abandon my siblings and my dad, and break his heart in the process?

Being a family’s unsung caretaker can feel like carrying a boulder uphill, especially when it’s not your choice. This 22-year-old’s role as de facto parent to their siblings, coupled with a toxic stepmother, is a heavy load for anyone, let alone someone just starting adulthood. Their father’s emotional pleas add a manipulative twist, making escape feel like betrayal.

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Family dynamics often trap young adults in caregiving roles. A 2023 study by the National Alliance for Caregiving found that 20% of 18- to 34-year-olds provide unpaid care, often at the cost of their mental health (source). The stepmother’s hostility and the father’s guilt-tripping exacerbate this, creating a no-win situation.

Psychologist Dr. Nedra Glover Tawwab, in a 2022 Healthline article, notes, “Setting boundaries with family is essential for mental health, even if it causes temporary conflict” (source). Here, the individual’s depression signals a need for change. Their attempts to mend ties with the stepmother show effort, but her dismissal justifies their exit.

They should seek affordable housing and part-time work to gain independence, perhaps discussing their plans with their father calmly to ease the transition. Therapy could help process guilt.

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Check out how the community responded:

Reddit’s diving into this family drama with takes as fierce as a protective sibling—sharp, supportive, and ready to call out foul play. Here’s what the community had to say:

The_Wondering_Monk − NTA. Not your kids, not your responsibility.. Beyond that, they could have made an effort to be better to you.

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aewright0316 − NTA. Their kids are not your responsibility. I understand the guilt you feel, but you’re not abandoning anyone. You’re 22; you have every right to move out and start your life. Best of luck to you.

MostestSoberTabuu − NTA. You wouldn't be the a\*\*hole if you left. God sakes your 22 and your parents are making you watch your brother and sister. Making you not be able to save up money for a apartment or anything.

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You should be allowed to leave without anything bad happening or being guilty about it. Its your life. Your life isn't babysitting your siblings until they become 18 because your parents can't take some other way of being at home for the kids. So just leave if you want to. This is your life not theirs.. NTA.

awkward-velociraptor − NTA. You are not the parent,you are not abandoning them

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stannenb − NTA. After all, your stepmother is *telling* you to leave.

friendlily − NTA and this is *very* manipulative of your dad. My dad has made it known that if I leave it'll break his heart and financially they will be in trouble since they'd need to find a new caretaker. It's not okay for him to use you like this.

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You did not choose any of this and you're setting yourself on fire to keep them warm. Get out and live your life OP! If this ruins your relationship with your dad, it's because he's a bad person.

buttercupheart − NTA. They however are. Your father is using emotional manipulation and your stepmother is just being awful. If a person chooses to bring a child into this world and become a parent, then it’s their responsibility to raise and care for that child.. Leave. Get a job, go to school...whatever you want to do. But don’t be an unpaid babysitter.

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Traditional_Artist_3 − NTA if they want you to stay they should pay you

Ehaveachat − NTA. But OP from reading your replies, the actual problem is you. Nothing stops you from leaving. All you talk about is your guilt. It’s either you give up your mental health and life and stay a mother or you leave and gain freedom and break some hearts.. You’re young, trust me, you’ll regret not leaving.

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katiethekatie − INFO. Is your dad aware that your stepmother said that to you?

These Reddit opinions are a rallying cry, but do they capture the full weight of the choice? Is leaving selfish or self-saving?

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This tale of family duty versus personal freedom leaves us grappling with a tough question: when does staying loyal to family hurt more than leaving? The 22-year-old’s struggle with their stepmother’s toxicity and their father’s guilt lays bare the cost of unspoken burdens. If you were in their place, would you stay for the kids or go for your sanity? Share your thoughts below—have you ever had to choose between family and your own well-being?

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