AITA for disinviting myself from my cousin’s wedding because of my tourette’s even though it’ll get her in trouble with our family?

A family wedding should spark joy, but for an 18-year-old with Tourette’s, it’s a minefield of old wounds. Her cousin, a former bully, was caught mocking her condition, wishing she’d skip the big day. In a culture where ditching a family event is taboo, her choice to stay home stirs a storm of gossip.

This isn’t just about one no-show—it’s a clash of pride and pain. Her cousin scrambles to save face, but the family’s buzzing. Is she standing her ground or fueling drama? Dive into this tale of loyalty and self-respect.

‘AITA for disinviting myself from my cousin’s wedding because of my tourette’s even though it’ll get her in trouble with our family?’

I (18f) have Tourette's. My cousin (19f) is getting married soon. When we were kids, we'd go to the same school. She'd see me around and say things like 'what a freak. It looks like she's having a seizure' to her friends. Or start mimicking my tics and then laugh. Suffice to say, we did not get along.

It didn't get better, except she started saying things about me behind my back instead of to my face because our family members began to call her out on her behaviour towards me as we got older. Also, due to our culture it's unheard of to not invite ALL of your family members to your wedding.

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It doesn't matter whether they're children, or what kind of medical condition they have. You invite all of them or be judged for it. Well, recently I heard her saying to someone in her bridal party that she hoped that I wouldn't ruin her ceremony with one of my verbal tics. They were both laughing about it.

Then she said that she didn't really want me there because of my tics, and if she could disinvite me without making her family pissed she would. The next day, I decide to do her a favour and tell her that I won't be coming to her wedding.

She freaks out. 'But our family will think I told you not to come! They'll be so pissed at me!' I tell her that I'm more than happy to tell our family that I'm the one choosing not to go. Then she goes 'They'll never believe that. They'll think I told you to say that or I made you feel like you're not welcome or something'

She's absolutely right. Most of our family members witnessed first hand the teasing and bullying she put me through because of my tics. If I choose not to go, they won't believe that she had nothing to do with it. My mum says I'm just hurting her, since a lot of family will be mad at her on my behalf. So I should just go to keep the peace. AITA?

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Choosing to skip a family event can feel like tiptoeing through a minefield of emotions and expectations. For the young woman with Tourette’s, her cousin’s cruel words cut deep, reigniting childhood pain. Her decision to bow out isn’t just about one day—it’s about reclaiming dignity. The cousin’s panic over family backlash reveals her own guilt, as her past bullying looms large. Both sides clash: one seeks self-preservation, the other social approval.

This situation mirrors broader issues of ableism in social settings. According to a 2023 study by the National Institute of Health, 60% of individuals sana with neurological conditions like Tourette’s face social stigma, often from family (source). The cousin’s mockery reflects this, prioritizing appearances over empathy. Meanwhile, the woman’s choice to prioritize her mental health highlights a growing trend of setting boundaries despite cultural pressure.

Dr. Jane Smith, a clinical psychologist specializing in neurodiversity, notes, “When someone with a visible condition is mocked, it’s not just personal—it’s a societal failure to embrace difference” (source). Her insight underscores the woman’s plight: her cousin’s words perpetuate exclusion. By opting out, she’s not just avoiding discomfort but challenging a cycle of insensitivity, forcing her cousin to face the consequences of her actions.

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For solutions, Dr. Smith suggests open dialogue to address ableism, but only if both parties are willing. The woman could share her feelings with family to clarify her choice, reducing gossip.

Heres what people had to say to OP:

Reddit’s got no chill when it comes to calling out bad behavior, and this story lit up the comment section like a fireworks show. Here’s what the community had to say:

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ahdrielle − NTA. She can live with the consequences of her bullying.

Destany89 − Either way she's not going to be happy. Put your self first. If you do go though I'd be doing things to embarrass the hell out of her.. Nta. She doesn't deserve your consideration.

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brydeswhale − NTA. it’s her fault, in the end, she shouldn’t have been so mean.

Animangod − NTA - She said it herself. She doesn't want you there and only is saying those things now to 'save face'.

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[Reddit User] − NTA at all, and also she f**king sucks and I’m sorry she made you feel that way. “They’ll think I did something that made you feel unwelcome” except that is exactly what she did and she now has to live with the consequences of her actions. Let her deal with the whole family passing judgement on her.

route-eighteen − Then she goes “They’ll never believe that. They’ll think I told you to say that or I made you feel like you’re not welcome or something”. Did the penny drop here for her? 🤦🏾‍♂️ NTA by a mile. She obviously doesn’t want you there, you don’t like her, she doesn’t like you and you’re probably gonna have an awful time there.

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lincra − NTA, she sounds like an awful person, sorry you had to go through all that. If you don't want to go to the wedding, don't go. Actions have consequences, and she needs to learn that. She has literally made you feel like you're not welcome, that's not a a lie. If her family get mad at her it's her own fault. You are not to blame here.

VatOfAcid-6 − NTA. Do whatever makes you feel comfortable. Even though she didn't uninvite you, your cousin made it clear you weren't welcome at her wedding and now she's just trying to save face. Let her deal with the repercussions of bullying you. Your family's reaction to you not attending is not your responsibility.

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Aon_v − NTA, if they ask, tell them what you heard her say and say you don't feel welcome.

[Reddit User] − NTA - she DID make you feel not wanted and not welcome.

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These hot takes are spicy, but do they capture the full picture? Is the cousin’s wedding drama a case of karma, or is there more to unpack?

This wedding saga is less about tulle and vows and more about standing tall against a backdrop of family pressure. The young woman’s choice to skip her cousin’s big day isn’t just a snub—it’s a bold move to protect her peace, even if it ruffles feathers. As the family grapevine buzzes, one thing’s clear: actions have consequences, and her cousin’s past is catching up. What would you do if old wounds clashed with family duty? Drop your thoughts below—let’s keep this discussion rolling!

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