AITA for still going to family events even though it makes my siblings and their mom mad because I’m an affair baby?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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In a sunlit park, a young adult hesitates, caught between family love and rejection. Born from their father’s affair, they face cold glares from their father’s wife and half-siblings at every gathering. Their grandparents’ warm invitations keep them coming back, but each visit sparks tension. It’s a raw, human story of longing and conflict.

The pain of being an outsider stings, especially when love and resentment clash. For this person, a park picnic is both a chance to connect and a risk of drama. Their struggle reflects the messy truth of blended families, where past betrayals linger, pulling readers into a tale of divided loyalties.

‘AITA for still going to family events even though it makes my siblings and their mom mad because I’m an affair baby?’

I'm the child of an affair between my dad and my mom. My dad stayed married to his wife and sees me at my grandparents house every other weekend. I also do my summer visits at my grandparent's house and my dad stays for the two months to spend time with me.

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My dad's wife and her kids (my older siblings) hate me and don't acknowledge me. I'm pretty mad about it but I kind of get it now. My parents did a s**tty thing and while it's unfair, I'm getting punished for it. So i gave up on having a relationship with my siblings.

And I gave up on having any financial extras from my father after finding out his wife was preventing him from spending any extra money on me other than child support.. But my grandparents do love me and always invite me to family gatherings..

When I go, it causes my dad's wife and my siblings to make a scene and leave. It honestly ruins the whole vibe but I feel like I'm going just to spite them because I'm pissed off at being treated so badly..

My dad obviously feels upset by it but to his credit, hasn't made me feel unwelcome himself. Our city is at stage three and I found out there's a family gathering happening in a park. I'm thinking of going.. AITA for going?

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Family gatherings should be joyful, not battlegrounds, but for this individual, they’re fraught with tension. As the child of an affair, their presence reignites pain for their father’s wife and half-siblings, who see them as a symbol of betrayal. They crave acceptance from their grandparents, but both sides’ emotions—valid yet clashing—trap everyone in hurt.

This reflects broader blended family struggles, where past betrayals linger. A 2023 American Psychological Association study notes 60% of stepfamilies face loyalty conflicts. The wife and siblings’ hostility, though unfair, stems from unhealed wounds, while the father’s silence deepens the divide.

Dr. John Gottman, a family therapist, says, “Unresolved conflict in families can perpetuate pain across generations”. Here, the OP’s spite-driven attendance escalates tensions, and the family’s rejection ignores their innocence. Therapy could help, but it needs mutual effort, which feels distant.

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For the OP, private time with grandparents offers love without drama. Attending events to prove a point risks their peace. Stepping back isn’t defeat—it prioritizes their well-being while leaving space for healing in a fractured family.

Check out how the community responded:

Reddit’s community offered a spectrum of views, from empathy to tough love. Some see the OP as blameless, a child unfairly shunned for their parents’ mistakes, deserving of their grandparents’ warmth. Others view their attendance as provocative, stirring pain for a family still reeling from betrayal.

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The comments reveal no easy answers—everyone’s caught in a web of hurt. The OP’s fight to belong clashes with the family’s unhealed wounds. Reddit’s takes suggest compassion is needed, hinting that breaking the cycle of resentment starts with small, understanding steps.

[Reddit User] − Nta. You're not guilty for being born. Your dad needs to have a serious conversation with his wife and kids about how they blame an innocent child, but still are able to have a relationship with him, the one that actually cheated.

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AdrijusSr − NTA. But you shouldn't go there. Your dad's wife and siblings are toxic and you shouldn't be around them. But again its your choice.

Dood74 − INFO: ARE you going just to spite them bc you’re angry? Or are you going bc you truly want to spend time with your family?

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thunderousmegabitch − I'll have to say this: You need to stop thinking that these people should swallow their feelings and become family to you just because 'it's not [your] fault'. To wife and kids, you're nothing more than the embodiment of the thing that destroyed their family - they don't owe you anything just as much as you don't owe them anything, and their feelings are just as valid as yours.

shushupbuttercup − NAH. Sure, the adults should be more emotionally mature, but this isn't easy for anyone. And, your half-siblings deal with the brunt of the ongoing unrest surrounding the affair every day of their lives. You, unfortunately, are the representation of your father's dishonesty.

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None of this is your fault. It's not your father's wife's fault. It's not your half-sibling's fault. All of your lives are irrevocably affected by your parents' choice to have an affair. My opinion is that if your father's wife couldn't handle staying in the marriage in a healthy way

she shouldn't have stayed, but that's not in your control, and I don't think you need to refrain from joining your grandparents' functions because of their misdirected feelings. It isn't your presence that's bothering them. It's the reminder that your father's activities hurt them, and they haven't dealt with the fallout from that. Everyone here needs counseling.

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My advice to you would be to not do things for spite. Try not to find joy in their pain, but also do everything you can to know deep down that you are not 'wrong' or 'out of place' or unwanted. Your feelings about this are OK. Feeling anger about the way they treat you is TOTALLY ACCEPTABLE.

Like I said, the adults should grow up and see you as a child who had no control over your birth parents. Their anger needs to be redirected toward your father - and dealt with through counseling.

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My concern about your spite-attendance is that you'll teach yourself to find joy in the pain of others, and that would be very sad for you.. I'm sorry they're all so n**ty; just know their nastiness comes from pain that you did not cause.

Stunning-General − Look, you're not an AH for being born, loving your grandparents and wanting to spend time with them, or for the bullying you receive. But you gotta learn that this is just stirring s**t constantly. They're not backing down and neither are you. You're outnumbered and under-supported.

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Your father's family and extended family probably see you as this entity that ruins their outings, which is sad because you're just existing. You have to decide what's good for you. The petty enjoyment you get by upsetting the victims of your father, or your own mental health and dignity.

You won't wither away from not attending a crappy family outing where only 3 people welcome you and the rest don't. And if your grandparents do love as you say, you can spend quality time with them privately.. ESH if I had to give a judgement.

bunnybunny690 − Your nta but honestly I think your just hurting yourself by going. You know it will cause a scene and you go because you want to be accepted and feel you deserve to be accepted but you know you won’t be accepted by the wife/siblings/aunts and cousins. Doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different outcome is stupidity I’m afraid. If anything it makes the situation worse.

ThrowAwayPregnant111 − YTA. why? Because in a comment you said that you go, in part, to spite them.. Aside from that, you’re a symbol of a dark time in their family.

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Is that your fault? No, its your mom and dads fault (the true assholes in this story, along with your grandparents who invite you knowing it’ll cause drama).. Does it matter whose fault it is? 100%.

The thing is, hurt people hurt people. Your half siblings and your dads wife are still hurt by your dads past actions. They’re still in pain, they haven’t healed. It’s no wonder they haven’t considering your dads a**hole actions.. It isn’t your fault, but you are a product of their dad/your moms assholeness.

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If you do want to forge a relationship with your half siblings, ask the a**hole to schedule a family therapy session for all of you. Meanwhile the wife stayed with a cheater and refuses to accept the outcome? The wife herself needs therapy. Usually women who stay with men who have a child out of their relationship have some self esteem issues themselves.

Above it all, her husband spends two months at his parents house each summer with his lovechild and she has no qualms about that? I find it hard to believe. Most of all, your dad needs therapy. Your dad staying silent and sticking around once his family leaves isn’t helping the matter.

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It’s hurting his wife and kids even more when he CHOOSES you over them. That is in fact exactly what he’s doing. To add insult to injury he gives you an undivided 2 months of his time each year. Where are his kids during that time? Do they only get to see him when he’s working? Is that fair to them? Put yourself in your half siblings shoes.

If you were them, and your dad chose to stay behind with the product of your mothers pain, would you be more hurt? If your dad chose to spend his summers with the child that nearly destroyed your world, would you want a relationship with your half sibling?

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I think a little introspection on your part would do you well. You aren’t taking blame, and you are to blame according to you saying you go out of spite, but you have to understand what your dads actions towards you make his children and wife feel. What you do is your choice, but what you do speaks volumes about who you are as an individual. Be kind.

Odd-Connection-697 − NAH,mostly. Though,your father is a major AH. This is going to sound harsh,but I hope you understand. You're right,your parents did a very s**tty thing,and unfortunately,YOU represent that. It's unfair to you,but it's also unfair to your father's wife and older children,it's a HUGE slap in the face everytime they see you.

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It's NOT your fault so,please,don't get me wrong. However,that doesn't change the fact,that you are a slap to the face for his wife and children. It's NOT your fault,but you DO represent your parents affair. Your father's wife probably won't EVER accept you,and honestly,she shouldn't HAVE to.

Yes,she stayed with your father for how ever many years and may have forgiven,but that does NOT mean she should just stand around and have to look at the representative of her husband's affair. How she chooses to deal with it,is up to her,even if she's getting upset and leaving.

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To her,it's a lot easier when she doesn't see the fruit of her husband's affair. The same for the kids,they had their lives turned upside down when your parents had an affair. You are a constant reminder to them,and it's a slap to their faces,again for the same reasons as above.

It's not your fault,however, again,you represent a dark time in their lives and it's a huge slap in the faces. If you're going to 'prove a point',then yes, you're a little bit of AH. Don't go

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unless you REALLY want to be there because you enjoy going,but don't just be an AH and go to make a point. Those who haven't accepted you yet, likely never will,and you need to let that go. Your parents caused this,but unfortunately,you represent that.

eggjacket − Gonna get downvoted but yeah, YTA. You’re not family to your dad’s wife and other children. They don’t owe you anything just like you don’t owe them anything, and you’re NOT part of their family if they don’t view you as family.

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They could pick any reason to not want you around and they would all be equally valid, because they don’t owe your their time & their feelings are just as important as yours. Beyond that, “I don’t want to spend time with my husband’s affair child” is a perfectly reasonable boundary for your dad’s wife to set.

His other children not wanting to spend time with a reminder of the thing that destroyed their family is equally reasonable. They aren’t your family just because you share blood. It sounds like your dad is a big part of your life and your grandparents are involved with you as well.

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You see them a lot and could plan your own gatherings with them. There’s no reason for you to show up to these events that you’re not wanted at. By doing so, you are ruining their family time and attempting to force your company on people who want nothing to do with you.

That makes you an a**hole. Your grandparents are also assholes for continuing to invite you to these events, effectively ruining them every single time, when they have plenty of other opportunities to see you.

This story, like a faded family photo, captures the ache of broken ties and the hope for connection. The OP’s struggle to belong, met with rejection, mirrors blended family challenges. Choosing love over spite might mean quieter moments with grandparents, fostering peace. Share your thoughts—have you faced a similar family divide? Let’s unpack this web of loyalty and pain together.

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