AITA told my co-worker that she’s falling for romance scam and now she’s upset?

Picture a 6 a.m. text lighting up your phone: a coworker, sweet but naive, begs to borrow $10,000 for her boyfriend’s mom’s “emergency.” The catch? He’s a guy she’s known for six months, works on a Dubai oil rig, and can’t transfer money until he’s back in the States. When you call it a romance scam, she ghosts you, skips work, and leaves you wondering if you overstepped. Was this a tough-love save, or a meddling misfire?

This Reddit tale snips through the tangled bonds of workplace friendship and financial red flags. The OP’s attempt to protect their gullible coworker, N, from a sketchy boyfriend’s cash grab has sparked a chilly fallout. It’s a story of good intentions, hard truths, and the tricky dance of saving someone from their own heart.

‘AITA told my co-worker that she’s falling for romance scam and now she’s upset?’

My friend, let's call her N, N and I work together for 3-4 years at a hair salon. N is early 30s, kind of an a**head, gullible but a really kind and nice person. She's currently in a relationship with this guy for about 6 months. He live in New York (we're in the Midwest), they talk on the phone all the time.

He's been out here a couple of times to visit, we've never met but heard a lot about their relationship. This morning she texted me at 6AM asking to borrow 10k because her boyfriend's mom have a family emergency and needs the money soon.

She said he's working on an offshore oil rig in Dubai for two months and couldn't transfer the money until he's come back to the State. She doesn't have the money, so she ask if I can ask my relatives for the 10k for her.

I told her that this sounds like a romance scam and that if he's asking her for such a big amount of money like that early in their relationship it's a red flag and she should reconsider. I told her that since I don't her boyfriend that well and if he's ghost her, either me or her will be on the hook for the 10k.

Now she won't answer my text or call, she also took a personal day from work today. AITA? Should I kept my mouth shut and mind my own business.. Edit 1: 1. Yes, she is very naive and gullible. She believes she can talk to ghost and spirits. That's another can of worms that I won't get into.

2. She didn't bring her boyfriend around when he was in town(a couple of times) just a bunch of excuses. 3. I told her sister about it and got an earful about how I shouldn't judge a person in need like that. I gave up. 4. I sent her a few articles about sweetheart and pig butchering scams, still no reply. I know she read it.

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5. She's not the type that's loaded, she lives with her parents in their basement and lives paycheck to paycheck. I hope she will realize this is a scam before she's in debt. This will be an expensive lesson.. Thank you for letting me vent.. Edit 2:

She just texted and asked for the money under the guise of her sister needing it, it was a flat 'No'. I feel bad for her, I told other coworkers and my boss about it so they can say 'no' to her and maybe she'll understand from a group perspective that we're trying to protect her.

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Calling out a potential scam is like yanking someone from a burning building—they might hate you for the jolt, but it’s better than letting them burn. The OP’s warning to N about her boyfriend’s $10,000 plea was a bold move, especially given N’s financial instability and the relationship’s short timeline. The boyfriend’s offshore job, vague emergency, and inability to transfer funds scream classic romance scam tactics, and N’s defensive retreat is a textbook reaction.

Dr. Monica Whitty, a cyberpsychology expert, notes in The Guardian, “Romance scam victims often react with anger when confronted, as they’re emotionally invested.” A 2023 FBI report states that romance scams cost victims $1.3 billion annually, with 70% involving requests for large sums under urgent pretexts. N’s belief in ghosts and her paycheck-to-paycheck life make her a prime target.

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Dr. Whitty advises, “Provide evidence gently but firmly.” The OP’s articles on scams were a smart move, though N’s silence suggests denial. Alerting coworkers and the boss ensures a united front to protect N, but the OP should keep lines open, offering support without judgment. N may need a friend when the scam unravels, and the OP’s honesty could save her from financial ruin.

Check out how the community responded:

Reddit swung in like a squad of scam-busting stylists, cheering the OP’s warning with a snip of sass. They slammed the boyfriend’s fishy story and N’s audacity to ask for $10,000, urging the OP to stay firm. From quips about oil rig clichés to advice on supporting N, the comments were a vibrant mix of support and skepticism. Here’s the unfiltered Reddit buzz:

SavingsRhubarb8746 − NTA - that's a classic scam scenario, and in any case, she shouldn't be trying to borrow such a large sum of money from you and your relatives even for herself - much less for a total stranger who sounds nice online!!!

It's a good thing that you warned her; I suppose you might have added links to some reliable sources on scams too, if you had had the chance. Now you can only hope that she comes to a sensible conclusion while isolating herself from you and taking time off work - I hope to think and do research.

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robertmsain − And exactly why can’t he transfer the money? Oil rigs have telephones and access to the internet. Seems like he should be able to do it.

Sylas_23 − NTA - you were trying to protect your friend, and yourself. It's not appropriate that she is asking you to ask your relatives for money for this either. Also have her do some research on romance scams, because his story is just ridiculous!

becoming_maxine − NTA. I wouldn't give her the money either. Let her have her space for now. That kind of ask in a new relationship without having met the family, its like a unicorn if its not a scam. A good friend would call it out and try to protect her. Just let her know your still there for her but there are to many scams out in the world to risk that amount of money.

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justsimona − NTA and how do people have the audacity to just ask for 10k to their friends/coworkers

Avocado-Pandas21 − NTA. The boyfriend is super sus. Since they haven’t been together that long, and 10K is a lot of money, this is definitely a scam. Keep trying to reach out to them and be the person N can rely on when their dating life crumbles a bit

theycallme_mama − NTA - I worked with a lady that fell for one of these. I even contacted the med school she said he went to and confirmed he was not an alumni and she still wouldn't let it go. Eventually, she realized and she later admitted that the Valentine's flowers she received at work were actually sent to herself.

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FabulousTrick8859 − Who asks a colleague for a 10k loan? Never mind ask a colleague to ask their relatives for a 10k loan! . And then gets pissed because the colleague won't!. Wild. NTA

marhouheart − Ah, the 'I'm involved in an oil rig scam and can't take care of business at home cuz I'm out in the middle of nowhere pumping oil scam.' Yep that's a big scam. He spent 6 months cultivating your friend and now she's going to suffer.

PandaEnthusiast89 − NTA, the warning signs of a scam are obvious. However, I've seen documentaries on these romance scams, and it's common for the victims to get incredibly defensive and angry when you point out the glaring red flags to them. The good news is that if she's unable to get the $10,000 he wants, he is likely to ghost her and the problem may resolve itself.

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These Redditors didn’t hold back, rallying for the OP while slicing through the scam’s red flags. But do their sharp takes capture the full tangle of this workplace drama, or are they just trimming the surface?

The OP’s warning to N wasn’t just about $10,000—it was a stand to protect a friend from a heart-wrenching scam. N’s cold shoulder stings, but the OP’s honesty might be the lifeline she needs when reality hits. This saga reminds us that tough love can be the kindest cut, especially when scams prey on trust. Have you ever had to warn someone about a shady situation? Share your story—let’s keep the convo clipping along!

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