WIBTA if I didn’t let my daughter (15F) go to Orlando even though she paid for it?

Your daughter, Ella, worked hard to earn her share for the Orlando band trip by babysitting and saving money. However, her recent behavior—bullying a classmate with a mental illness—has cast a long shadow over her achievements. Although she paid for half of the trip, her actions have understandably made you question whether she deserves to participate in an experience meant to celebrate teamwork, respect, and personal growth.

‘WIBTA if I didn’t let my daughter (15F) go to Orlando even though she paid for it?’

Navigating parental discipline while acknowledging a teen’s growing independence is a delicate balancing act. Dr. Caroline Meyer, a clinical psychologist specializing in adolescent behavior, explains, “When a teenager engages in behavior as harmful as bullying—especially towards a vulnerable peer—it is within a parent’s rights to impose consequences that underscore the seriousness of the offense.

While it’s important to recognize a teen’s efforts, such as earning money to pay for an event, that achievement does not automatically negate the need for accountability in the face of unethical behavior.” (source: [​]) Dr. Meyer further emphasizes that discipline is most effective when it is proportional to the misbehavior and directly linked to the offense.

“By denying Ella the opportunity to go on the trip, her parents are not just punishing her financially, but are also sending a clear message that respect for others is non-negotiable. This is especially important during adolescence, a time when social behavior patterns are still being formed. It’s crucial for teens to understand that the consequences of their actions extend beyond themselves and can affect the broader community.”

Moreover, the expert points out that the purpose of such a consequence isn’t merely punitive but educational. “If a teen sees that their actions lead to a loss of privileges, even ones they worked hard to earn, it can catalyze meaningful behavioral change. The key is ensuring that the consequence is accompanied by guidance and opportunities for the teen to learn empathy, perhaps through restorative practices or counseling, so that they understand the impact of their actions.”

Some might argue that because Ella paid for part of the trip, the financial aspect should guarantee her attendance. However, Dr. Meyer notes, “Parental responsibility includes weighing the overall well-being of both the child and the community. While the money is hers, the right to participate in family or school events is not solely determined by financial contribution—it is also contingent upon maintaining a respectful and supportive environment.”

This perspective underscores that the OP’s decision is less about the money and more about setting necessary boundaries and expectations for acceptable behavior. Ultimately,

the expert opinion supports the idea that withholding a privilege—even one that was partly self-funded—can be a justified and constructive disciplinary measure when serious misconduct is involved. Such a decision, when communicated with care and combined with an opportunity for the teen to make amends, can pave the way for personal growth and better future behavior.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

The Reddit community largely supports your stance. Commenters have pointed out that while Ella worked hard for her money, her conduct has serious ramifications, and the trip is considered a privilege rather than an entitlement. Many agree that the consequence of missing the trip is a fair lesson in accountability,

emphasizing that her behavior not only affects her reputation but can also harm others. Some suggest alternative consequences, like increased supervision during future outings, but the overall sentiment remains that her actions warrant a meaningful repercussion.

Ultimately, your decision to withhold the trip as a consequence for Ella’s bullying behavior is aimed at teaching her that actions have repercussions. While it’s difficult to deny her an experience she helped pay for, it’s equally important to send a clear message about the values you expect her to uphold.

How do you balance rewarding hard work with enforcing accountability when actions hurt others? Have you or others faced similar dilemmas, and what outcomes did you find effective? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below.