[UPDATE] AITA For Stopping My Boyfriend’s Proposal at our Best Friend’s Wedding?

In the wake of a wedding reception gone awry, a 26-year-old woman grapples with the fallout of stopping her boyfriend’s surprise proposal. What began as a bid to protect her friends’ spotlight spiraled into hurt feelings and silence. Now, armed with Reddit’s wisdom, she faces a deeper question: can their love weather this storm? Their candid talk reveals apologies, regrets, and a plan to heal.

This Reddit update, rich with raw emotion, pulls readers into a tale of accountability and second chances. Was her demand for therapy and time apart a fair move, or too harsh? It’s a vibrant story of love tested and trust rebuilt.

For those who want to read the previous part: Original Post.

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‘[UPDATE] AITA For Stopping My Boyfriend’s Proposal at our Best Friend’s Wedding?’

I responded to a few comments but before proceeding with our convo, I read almost every comment hoping to gain new perspectives and see the situation I presented from a different light. After I got home from the wedding, my boyfriend and I texted back and forth.

After he went to bed, I made my reddit post because I absolutely felt like an a**hole. I was second guessing everything and thought the night would have gone better if I had just let him do his thing. After seeing the responses to my post, I'm more solidified in that I made the right decision. Yes, the night was ruined, but I'd be more comfortable with my life moving forward.

I gave my boyfriend and myself a day to think about this and come back with clearer heads. That was yesterday. I took a lot of people's advice and tried to reflect on if this behavior was a grand showing of any smaller reaction. The stonewalling isn't super new.

In fights at the start of our relationship, he would get quiet and make a small showing of secluding himself. I'd counter this by giving my boyfriend his space and telling him that moving forward, to just say he didn't have the words to talk about it and we can reconvene when we're ready to talk.

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This worked for us. It gave him time to choose his words, we'd have a good discussion of what went wrong and how we could fix it moving forward. I didn't think that he was overtly trying to make me feel worse by the silent treatment back then. However, ignoring me for the rest of our time at the wedding hurt so much.

Not even saying, 'I just need space right now,' and rejecting to hold my hand by pulling away felt like he was pseudo-counter-rejecting me. This was a first. I felt like he was trying to make me feel worse through his lack of communication. That's all I noticed.

I've had a partner be verbally abusive to me before and another who wasn't willing to talk about things they did wrong; refusing to take any blame. My boyfriend hasn't done any of that. I'm not saying I recognize all patterns of abuse, but I'd say I'm versed in a few.

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There's also been no real history of me catering to him constantly as others were asking. If either person had strong feelings one way or another in different scenarios, we'd often be fine with that person getting their way. Otherwise, if we both didn't care all that much, he loves to use a wheel-spinning website to make decisions and I think it's cute.

We met earlier today. He came over and we sat in my living room. He broke down. He vehemently apologized and said he felt like an a**hole. He said he had been reflecting all of yesterday and talking to his dad about the situation. His dad got mad at him and talked him off his 'ego crash.'

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His words, not mine. He had already sent a message to our friends, now flying to their honeymoon in west Europe, apologizing for making their most important day about him and for not properly celebrating them. I asked why he neglected our conversation from months before.

He said that the groom and their group of friends had egged him on in private since (not to propose at the wedding, but to do it soon). He didn't originally plan on doing it at the wedding. He's had the ring with him for about a month, never had any real plan, and wanted it to just be spontaneous.

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He told me he got caught up in the atmosphere of the wedding, saw his best friend with his girl and couldn't stop picturing us in the same scenario. His urge overran his common sense (in his terms) and he made a choice he ultimately wishes he could take back. It very much spiraled from there.

I noted that while his heart was in the right place, that doesn't excuse the shitstorm he put me through after. I expressed to him that ignoring me really hurt me. That him saying my r**ection to his proposal was the reason for his embarrassment and shutdown was unfair, especially since we had already established for him not to do that.

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He accepted this and continued to apologize, admitting it was very unfair of him and that he should have handled his emotions and embarrassment better. Especially towards me.. We had a lull in our conversation after he asked, 'where do we go from here?' At this point, I didn't want to just return back to normal.

A day where I expressed to him that I felt the prettiest in a long time, expected us to have enormous fun and watch our best friends have their moment to shine turned into a day where I was crying in my room reading reddit comments about how I should break up with him.

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I genuinely thought I was the a**hole who should have just bit the bullet and accepted a proposal in a way that I and others thought wasn't okay. I told him that if we were to move forward, he needed to seek a therapist to help him manage his emotions.

Not only from this, but other signs that he may have a panic disorder. My mom works for a mental health clinic and has offered resources before. I said that I needed time to rebuild my trust in him. He understood and is going to seek mental health resources through my mom's clinic.

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Until then, we'll be on a week or so break with an open channel of communication. He's going to find appropriate channels to better himself, and I'm going to take myself on a mini-vacation after the emotional rollercoaster that was this weekend. We did talk about what each other's ideal proposal was.

Something we should have talked about before the trigger was even pulled on it. I said that I didn't care for anything fancy. I just prefer it not to be public. He said that he wanted to make a grand showing of love to me and didn't care where or how. He asked if it was okay to have friends and family present or if that broke my 'public' rule.

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I said that was fine and was happy with the communicative compromise. I also stated that I didn't want to be proposed to for a while so that we could let this situation rest and figure ourselves out from here. He accepted this. Something I thought was really sweet that I wanted to mention was that before he left, he said 'I do think I owe you some dancing.'

And so we slow danced in my living room for about a half hour until he left. A small and romantic action, prob to earn brownie points, but the conversation did reassure me that he's willing to try and be better. He recognized he was in the wrong and that a joyful day was robbed by pride and not r**ection. This was about as ideal of an outcome as I'd hoped.

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Thank you all for taking time out of your days to reply and bring me back to earth. Thank you to those who messaged me in private to make sure I was okay or to give input. While the future is still obscure, it's a little clearer than it was a couple days ago.

I have a clearer understanding now of what I want and what's healthy. Moving forward, I will do every ounce of weighing before I enter what should be the most important commitment you can make to a person you love and I'll keep a more careful eye on his behaviors and how he may react to averse situations.. I hope the best for you all as many have for me.. Thank you <3. 

This wedding proposal saga evolves into a lesson in accountability and emotional growth. The woman’s decision to halt her boyfriend’s plan, followed by his stonewalling, exposed cracks in their communication. Her push for therapy and a break signals a commitment to healthier dynamics, but his initial disregard for boundaries lingers as a concern.

She views his silence as punitive, a shift from their usual conflict resolution, while he admits his pride fueled the spiral. A 2023 study found 60% of couples cite poor communication as a breakup factor, underscoring their challenge.

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Psychologist Dr. Sue Johnson notes, “Secure relationships require emotional responsiveness, especially after conflict.” Her insight highlights his failure to engage post-incident, validating the woman’s hurt. Johnson advocates therapy to foster vulnerability, supporting the proposed plan.

They could maintain open communication during the break, setting clear goals for therapy. Couples counseling might further align their values.

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Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Reddit’s community chimed in with praise for the couple’s maturity and relief at their adult resolution. Here’s a sampling of their reactions, blending cheers for communication with nods to the messy charm of weddings:

thetownslore − Finally someone who actually talked it out as adults rather than just jumping to immediately discussing ending the relationship. I’m glad you guys made up and made proactive steps to actually mend the relationship

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shesalive_dammit − I'm happy for you, that you stood up for yourself, communicated with him, and were able to reach an understanding. I don't tend to default to 'break up with him!', so I'm glad the relationship might weather this storm.

DrVL2 − This actually sounds very sweet and very adult. You were able to talk together about your expectations on both sides. You were able to start making plans to move forward. And you had a little romantic thing too. I’m proud of you guys.

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lmsampson78 − I’m happy it worked out in a way that makes you happy and gives you a path forward that you both agree with

ClaudiaTale − Weddings make people do crazy things. So many posts on this subreddit about weddings, the planning and problems, after maths…. It’s a mess. Everyone elope!

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Tiny_Cauliflower_618 − My word. I missed the first post, so I'm just catching up. What a shituation! I hope you are really proud of yourself; that was a really difficult position to be put in, and you handled it really well. I'm very impressed. To come out of it with such a grown up solution, and to have managed,

in the moment, under extreme pressure, to *not* derail your friends' wedding is a minor triumph. Whatever happens next, you have really done well here, and it won't be your fault if it fails to work out. I wish you all the best, and hope you both get the proposal you want in the end ❤️

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Successful_Voice8542 − You need to go over to his dad’s house and give him a big hug! Not all men are so emotionally self aware and able to not only express their feelings but convince another man to own up to their mistakes. When you marry someone you also marry their family and it sounds like you hit the jackpot.. I hope you will be very happy!

changelingcd − At least you stopped him. I have no idea how it ever crosses anyone's mind to propose at somebody else's wedding. That's just deranged and rude, every time.

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Maleficent-Dingo9942 − I really hate the sentence 'i read all the comments on reddit about how i should break up with him' istg thats the reason i hate social media. All it needed was talking. Gosh let humans make mistakes. we were not created perfectly so why is it expected of us. Im really glad everything worked out. Honestly he seems just like me, just more proud haha

BigDulles − Rare good ending

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These Redditors celebrate the outcome, but do their rosy views hold? Is therapy enough to mend this rift, or are deeper issues at play?

This update glows with the hope of a relationship salvaged through hard talks and honest apologies. The woman’s stand to protect her friends’ wedding led to a painful night, but her push for therapy and time apart charts a path to trust. Was she right to set firm boundaries, or should she have softened her stance? What would you do after such a public misstep? Share your thoughts below and let’s dive into this tale of love and redemption!

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