AITA for not doing a favor for my dad and telling him I don’t owe him or his favorite wife and kids favors?
After the death of their mother, the OP and her siblings faced an emotionally tumultuous childhood marked by their father’s callous behavior. He gleefully declared that her mother was a regret, prioritized his new family over them, and even went as far as labeling them selfish for wanting him to be happy. Over the years, he consistently neglected his responsibilities toward his grieving children,
focusing instead on his “favorite” half-siblings and his new wife. When a minor favor request—picking up a birthday gift—came from her father for his new family, the OP refused. She asserted that she doesn’t owe him or his new family any favors, as they never treated her and her full siblings with the care they deserved.
‘AITA for not doing a favor for my dad and telling him I don’t owe him or his favorite wife and kids favors?’
Family relationships are deeply influenced by our early experiences and the expectations that are set in childhood. In this case, the OP’s refusal to do a favor for his father is rooted in a history of neglect and overt favoritism that has left long-lasting emotional scars. Dr. Susan Johnson, a renowned expert in family therapy, explains, “When children experience repeated emotional neglect, particularly in situations where parental favoritism is blatant, even seemingly small requests can become highly charged.
These actions are not just about the favor itself—they’re a manifestation of years of pent-up feelings and unmet needs” (source: []). In families where one parent’s love appears to be selectively distributed, children often develop a strong sense of injustice and resentment. The OP’s refusal is a direct response to decades of feeling undervalued and abandoned by a parent who openly prioritized his new family over his biological children.
This pattern of favoritism can create a lasting impact on self-esteem and emotional health. The OP’s statement that he owes no favors to his father’s “favorite family” is his way of reclaiming autonomy and protecting his own well-being. It is a boundary-setting exercise that, while painful, is essential for long-term healing. Moreover, setting such boundaries is a critical step toward self-empowerment. Psychologist Dr. Linda Martinez notes, “Establishing limits is not an act of rebellion; it’s a necessary component of self-care.
By refusing to participate in a system that has historically marginalized his feelings, the OP is taking a stand against a cycle of emotional neglect” (source: []). The OP’s refusal to run errands that serve to support a family dynamic he has long resented is emblematic of many adults who struggle to break free from the roles imposed on them during childhood. It’s a declaration that his emotional needs are valid, and that he will no longer sacrifice his well-being for a dysfunctional family dynamic.
Experts further emphasize that while family loyalty is important, it should not come at the cost of one’s mental health. The OP’s experience is a textbook example of how unbalanced familial expectations can lead to significant emotional distress. Dr. Martinez adds, “When a family member is consistently expected to ‘bend over backwards’ without reciprocal care, it’s natural for that individual to eventually set limits.
This isn’t about rejecting family altogether—it’s about fostering healthier interactions that respect everyone’s emotional boundaries.” These insights suggest that the OP’s stance, though it may seem harsh to some, is a necessary step toward a more balanced and respectful relationship with his father. Ultimately, the expert perspective here challenges the notion that familial duties should be unconditional.
It highlights the importance of self-care and the need for clear, honest communication about expectations. By choosing not to perform a favor that he sees as reinforcing an inequitable family dynamic, the OP is not being selfish; he is asserting his right to a fair and respectful relationship. This approach, though it may lead to short-term conflict, is a critical investment in long-term emotional resilience and personal autonomy.
Here’s how people reacted to the post:
The Reddit community largely supports the OP’s stance, with many condemning her father’s treatment of his full children. Commenters have called him a “louse” and a “bully,” noting that his expectation for favors, despite his longstanding neglect, is utterly unreasonable.
Many advise that the OP and her siblings consider reducing contact with a parent who repeatedly prioritizes his new family over them. The consensus among readers is that she is justified in drawing boundaries after years of being overlooked and devalued.
This situation raises tough questions about familial obligation versus self-respect. Should a child be expected to continue catering to a parent who has shown little regard for their emotional needs? How do you balance family loyalty with protecting your own well-being? We invite you to share your thoughts and experiences—have you ever had to set similar boundaries with a family member, and how did you navigate the fallout?
