[UPDATE] Wife (F33) and I (M34) decided to try for kids last year. Found out I’m completely infertile without surgery. 5 months later she got pregnant.

Jonathan Hours
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A 34-year-old man, married to his 33-year-old wife, faces a gut-wrenching dilemma after learning she’s pregnant, despite his infertility diagnosis (azoospermia) requiring surgery. Excited to start a family, their strong marriage is now clouded by his suspicions of her infidelity, fueled by subtle clues like late work nights and an unfamiliar perfume.

Her joy contrasts with his torment, as he debates confronting her before a doctor’s visit. For readers who want to read the full story first: Wife (F33) and I (M34) decided to try for kids last year. Found out I’m completely infertile without surgery. 5 months later she got pregnant.

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‘[UPDATE] Wife (F33) and I (M34) decided to try for kids last year. Found out I’m completely infertile without surgery. 5 months later she got pregnant.’

His turmoil and suspicion unfold in a gripping Reddit update, detailing the pregnancy that shook his marriage. Here’s his story, straight from the soul:

I took a lot of what you guys said to heart. I had an ex of mine from years ago end up cheating on me, and it really left a scar for a while. It wasn't until I got more involved with sports and getting in better shape that I was able to try and move on. My wife and I actually met in a soccer league we were in together. We've had so much trust for so long that I thought those fears had gone away.

It wasn't until now that I really started to feel shaken like that again. But I didn't want to let my past get in the way of what could be just a huge blessing. A few people really articulated the right way to communicate my feelings in a way that wasn't accusatory and respectful of my wife, who's never really given me a reason to doubt her.

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It's not uncommon for her to sometimes be home late, and she'll usually like to go straight to bed. I didn't want to d**p this on her immediately and decided to give myself a night to sleep on it. I got up pretty early just being restless, went for a run, and cleared my mind. I couldn't wait any longer. I made our favorite omelets, and told her I needed to talk about something..

'You know I'm not Ashley, right?'. She knows me well. Ashley's my ex who cheated. So first I apologized. I apologized because I let this build up in my head for so long without talking with her about it sooner. What should be blessing has been nothing but insecurity and fear for me. We talked for a while. I told her how happy it made me to see her ecstatic and excited for the baby.

I told her how much I loved the relationship that we've built together, and I felt like an a**hole for questioning her loyalty. She had never given me a reason not to trust her and that I still couldn't emotionally get over the thoughts of infidelity because of my ex. She thanked me for telling her, and she knew how hard it was for me to get over that.

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She volunteered to have us get a paternity right when he/she's born, which made me feel a lot better at first. But something still felt off. I honestly don't know why, something about how she was so eager to get a paternity test, and almost not mad at me at all for having kept this from her. Normally she would have been upset that I didn't bring it up right away, but there was just a weird feeling I couldn't shake for the rest of the day.

It seemed like she was saying all the right things, but I couldn't get rid of this clawing feeling inside my head. Maybe I'm just being paranoid. Maybe there's a gut feeling that I need to listen to. But I ended up going to the appointment alone, as we 'decided' it would good to see if I still needed the surgery.

Turns out it's obstructive azoospermia. I've read so many stories about people who were supposed to infertile end up getting pregnant. So I brought that up, and how my wife's pregnancy was affecting me. The urologist thought it would be pretty unlikely that I wouldn't need surgery to have a kid with how mine was presenting itself.

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He mainly tried to skirt around the topic, and mostly pushed me towards making sure she was actually pregnant.. Being there didn't really help. I feel like I just got more uncertainty. She had another night being out to 8:30 last night. We talked about scheduling an appointment to verify the pregnancy when she got home. She seemed a little confused, but then quickly agreed.

She promised to do it in the morning. I asked how work had gone, and she gave me a kind of non-commital answer about her boss pushing her too much and being stressed out. There's nothing huge there, but she just seemed off. I really couldn't put my finger on it. We were still acting all lovely-dovey, but something just felt wrong, and I couldn't talk about it without repeating the same conversation we had Sunday.

I've been trying to throw myself into work to distract myself, but I haven't been able to focus. We have a joint checking account that we'll sometimes move money in and out of, but really only use it for groceries or household items unless we talk about it beforehand. This morning she moved half of it to hers, about $1700. We don't do that, she's never needed to before.

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And I checked our health care portal, and she made the appointment for the one time Thursday that I mentioned I was busy working on-site. We were supposed to go together. I'm starting to go crazy. How do I bring this up that isn't me just having the same conversation again? I'm looking into getting a second opinion for myself. But I need a litmus test from objective outsiders to know if I'm really losing it or if this seems weird to someone else.

The OP’s dropped an update on the saga—curious? Click here to check it out!

This man’s marriage, once a haven of trust, now quakes under the weight of an improbable pregnancy. His infertility, confirmed as obstructive azoospermia, makes conception without surgery highly unlikely, yet his wife’s excitement and subtle shifts—late nights, a $1,700 transfer, a solo appointment—fan his fears of betrayal. Her quick agreement to a paternity test, paired with an oddly calm response to his doubts, leaves him second-guessing, haunted by a past cheating ex.

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Infidelity suspicions can paralyze. A 2022 study in Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that 40% of couples facing trust breaches struggle with communication breakdowns, often fueled by unresolved trauma (source: Journal of Social and Personal Relationships). His lingering scars amplify his paranoia, while her actions, intentional or not, feed the fire.

Dr. Esther Perel, an infidelity expert, notes, “Trust is rebuilt through transparency and patience, but unaddressed doubts fester into resentment” (source: The State of Affairs). Perel’s insight suggests his wife’s vague responses risk deepening his mistrust, while his silence avoids clarity. A candid talk could reveal her intentions or confirm his fears.

He should calmly ask about the money and appointment, saying, “I’m confused about the transfer and solo visit—can we clarify?” Couples therapy, via the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy (source: AAMFT), could foster honesty. Individual therapy, through BetterHelp (source: BetterHelp), might ease his past trauma. A second medical opinion is wise, but communication is urgent.

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These are the responses from Reddit users:

Reddit’s dishing out some fiery takes on this husband’s heart-wrenching dilemma—brace for candid, no-holds-barred wisdom!

NonsensicalNiceties − You got any sick time? Call in sick on the day of the appointment and go anyway. She technically already kinda agreed to go together so make it so. She can’t argue with that.

fightmaxmaster − This morning she moved half of it to hers, about $1700. We don't do that, she's never needed to before. Everything else could just be your own anxiety, but this is something concrete. What's confusing to me is why you're stressing about bringing this up without it being the same conversation, when the money thing is clearly a different conversation?

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'How come you've moved half of the joint account to your own account?' A perfectly simple question that should have a perfectly simple anwer, and there's zero reason not to just ask that question.

raeshivahn − There is a paternity test called Non-Invasive Prenatal Paternity (NIPP) that can check paternity before the baby is born. It includes taking your wife’s blood (fetal DNA can be separated and tested) and your blood. She can get her blood taken first and then you could go a little later (you don’t have to have it done at the same time). I only thought of this because it cost around $1700 to get it done. 🤔

[Reddit User] − Look man, you have to address the money thing, ASAP. That is something that requires explanation no matter what the relationship situation. Also, don’t wait for the baby being born, you can test for paternity as early as 8 weeks, so now, you can test this now....there is valid reason for that and with the money movement there is enough for you to force the issue. It’s non-invasive, go get it done...

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Edit:. To add to this, this talk does not need to be emotional or accusatory. Pure and simple: “I love you, and I want to believe you’ve been faithful, everything I know about says you are and have been. However, we can’t deny evidence just because we believe something, and right now there are some problems with evidence.

A doctor just told me I can’t have children and I should make sure you are actually pregnant. After we have a conversation, you move half our savings. Either these are some miraculous coincidence or we have an issue I don’t want to believe is possible.

So I have an answer to offset this evidence, we don’t have to wait for the child to be born, please do this for me. I’m sorry I need to ask this of you, but neither of us can deny what this looks like....please don’t make me have to be ignorant to my own logic.”

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Edit 2: obligatory thanks for hardware kind strangers. But one thing that keeps getting brought up, the new prenatal testing is completely non-invasive to the child and doesn’t involve anything but a blood draw from the mother as the babies DNA is found in her plasma. Cost of this procedure is between $400 and $2,000, so if your interested, shop around.

n1njabot − I believe we're witnessing a real slow-motion train wreck here.

ToTTenTranz − 1 - Ask her why she took the $1700.. ​. 2 - Ask her why she chose that day for the appointment.. ​. 3 - Ask her to move the appointment to a day you can go.. ​ 4 - You don't need to wait 9 months to get your peace of mind. Ask her if she's willing to do a non-invasive prenatal paternity test which she can do at 7 weeks of gestation and the results can take only 3 days to arrive...

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That 'weird feeling' of yours could be just your head playing tricks. Given your history of being cheated on and the fact that science is telling you that you shouldn't have made her pregnant, she should be nothing but understanding for your anxiety. Which could be why she wasn't angry at you being suspicious, and why she may be fine with the prenatal paternity test.. If she has nothing to hide, the sooner you both put these doubt past you the better.

Throwawaymyspermazoa − Can anyone give me a good basic script for what to say when i call her in an hour?

NotaMerDerfan − I read your OP and at the time hoped the outcome would be optimistic and that this 'miracle' had happened, given how happy and unsuspicious your wife seemed to be.

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However, this now sounds really fishy. In particular, your wife transferring a significant amount of money into her own account and the sneakiness of her making a doctor's appointment when you wouldn't be able to make it. You need to talk with her about this and her reasons for doing so. But unfortunately, it does seem like your wife could be up to no good.

[Reddit User] − I hope she's not cheating but so many things point to it. The money and the appointment made on the day you can't go. How much is an a**rtion?, The place she's booked the appointment, do they do abortions? I wonder if she will mysteriously have a miscarriage on Thursday. That's me overthinking things though.

elriggo44 − I just want to share that my brother has a very similar condition to yours. The doctors kept telling him that he would never conceive naturally and needed a surgery to extract his sperm in order to impregnate his wife.. She got pregnant before the surgery. It is 100% genetically his child.

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A doctor told him that his blockage is so severe that he shouldn’t have been able to have a baby. But somehow, they did it. Another doctor said that it was a one in a million (colloquially) shot that they conceived naturally. But it’s totally possible.. Their second is on its way, this time with the procedure.

These Redditors are serving up raw advice, but are they on the mark, or just stoking the paranoia?

This man’s story is a wrenching clash of love, doubt, and the shadow of betrayal, with his wife’s pregnancy unraveling a once-solid marriage. Her odd behaviors and his past scars fuel a storm of suspicion, yet hope for a miracle lingers. Can he find truth through open talk, or will his fears tear them apart? What would you do when trust hangs by a thread amid life-changing news? Toss your advice, stories, or reactions in the comments—let’s unpack this!

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[Happy update]Wife(F33) and I (M34) decided to try for kids last year. Found out I’m completely infertile without surgery. 5 months later she got pregnant.

I'm sorry to drag ya'll through the worst of my insecurities. I definitely channeled quite a bit of my negative s**t into what I posted. But hey, that's what anonymous people are good for sometimes I guess. Anyways, we finally sat down after she got home last night. I told her everything that was going on. The Urologist, the money, the upcoming appointment.

I told her how, even with all her reassurances, too many suspect things kept happening. She agreed how everything looked, and immediately apologized. She didn't realize how much my last exs cheating was still affecting me. She knew I was off going into the weekend, but thought we addressed that. We talked about it Sunday, but I can get pretty internal with all these worries and not show them outwardly.

And so while she had thought we were communicating, I wasn't. We decided to start from the beginning and go through everything together.  The money was the real problem for me. She agreed how inconsiderate it was with where my head was at to do that without mentioning it.

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Apparently the prenatal visits are so structured that they want you to set up a payment plan with them right away, and she wanted to make sure it was squared away to keep the appointment. She offered without me prompting to call them with me tomorrow to verify that, or if I really wanted we could move the money back. She does get better rewards out of hers so it kind of made sense.

We read up on obstructive azoospermia, and it doesn't seem like they're often invincible forcefields. It seems like only the actual absence of the vas deferens (CBAVD) actually guarantees complete infertility, so it is possible for some to get through. We're going to go back to the original specialist I was working with last year and hopefully get a clearer picture.

It turns out the appointment she made was the only time they had available so soon, and figured it'd be best not to wait. I told her I took off work to go with, and she was relieved I could join. Once again, she said all the right things and seems genuine about getting us on the same page. After going through each thing I was just wishing I believed her a little more before.

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She's stressed out with work and when she'll have to take off, but she really seemed to want to go out of her way to alleviate my concerns. She even offered an open phone policy if I needed. We did look at the text I had seen, and it was just a girlfriend. I declined though right now, since I don't want to be that husband. This has really made me take a deeper look at what's in my past and how that still affects me today.

Even thinking back to this weekend, it was so hard to see in the moment how much all the uncertainty was affecting me. That level of anxiety literally makes you question what around you is real. I think the trust but verify is the best way to put it. I was just trying to verify without any of the trust is all.

This has all put a strain on our marriage right now, but I'm feeling a bit more like we're a team again working towards easing that. She thought that an NIPP ASAP was a great idea, as long as we also get some kind of counseling together. I'm not big on therapy, but I can probably agree that it will most likely help. I'm feeling a little better about everything.

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Thanks again to everyone who reached out and shared their own story (Every other comment here I read was a story of a family member who was supposed to be barren and ended up popping out triplets), and most of all those who helped me try to communicate fairly through all of this. It's time for me to hopefully be a father.

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