AITA for telling my GF’s mother she’s horrible?

The air was thick with the scent of soup and sympathy in a house where Ethan’s girlfriend, Mia, lay battling flu and cramps, her cries echoing unanswered. At 19, Ethan’s heart broke watching Mia’s mother fuss over her brothers while treating Mia like an afterthought. His protective instincts flared, and as he left, a heated exchange with her mom—calling her a “horrible mother”—slipped out, leaving him wondering if his outburst was heroic or reckless. Now, with Mia safely at his place, the dust is settling, but the sting of that moment lingers.

This isn’t just about a sick day; it’s a raw clash of loyalty, family favoritism, and youthful impulsiveness. As Ethan and Mia plan their move together, readers are drawn into the messy fallout of his words, eager to unpack whether he crossed a line or rightfully called out neglect in a home that failed his beloved.

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‘AITA for telling my GF’s mother she’s horrible?’

Okay so throwaway because my gf uses Reddit and I don’t need her to know I hate her mom yet.. So I 19meters (lol) have a gf 19f. She’s the kindest sweetest person in the world, like genuinely. My problem is my gfs mother. She’s a horrible old lady and I hate her with every fibre of my being.

She’s so mean to my gf no matter how much she does for her mom. Like yesterday my gf was sick and I went to go see her. She’s got her periods and the flu so like it’s a war zone. She’s throwing up, can barely walk and crying 24/7. I spend most of the day with her since I work night shift and she had sick leave.

And the whole reason she’s sick is because of her brothers. Her mom literally rubbed her brothers, made them soup and coddled them the whole time they were sick but she gave not one single f**k today. My gf was throwing up the whole day, not once did she ask if she was okay or if she needed anything.

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She acted like it was an inconvenience and my poor baby was crying. How can you treat your own daughter like this? Here’s where I may be the ah. As I was leaving, my gf was asleep in her room and her mom was downstairs coddling her little brother.

I stopped and I asked her to just check on my gf through the night to make sure she’s okay and she gave me such a dirty look and like it genuinely pissed me off. I told her ‘she’s a horrible mother who for some reason hates the child who does the most for her and treats her lazy unhelpful sons like the sun shines out of their asses’ and then left.

My gf hasn’t messaged me yet to berate me so maybe that’s good but am I the ahole?. ETA: she texted me back. She still likes me😩 Eta: hello everybody. Just to clarify a few things her brothers are 15 and 23. Her mother is not abusive, bitchy and kind of a c u next Tuesday? Yes.

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Also for those of you wondering if she's safe. Yes she is. She's staying at my house for the time being and were both supposed to be napping rn but I can't but she's snoring. We did find an apartment that's close to her school and quite safe. That's all I wanted because honestly I would hate to leave her alone at night by herself.

We get to move in by the end of this month and were taking her cat. He's a nice grumpy old guy. Like he's 10 years old, I think that's old in cat years. Oh and to those of you trolls who were sooo pissed off that I actually like my gf, I hope you find someone to love you because bitter is not a good look. I have no idea how to update so Mb.

I usually just scream into the void on my main. Bye love y'all😫 ETA: teeny tiny update but I’m happy to say that the monster in law is finally sick and now she’s suffering and my gf has been doing absolutely nothing to help her. Karma! Thank you!

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Ethan’s outburst at Mia’s mom was a fiery stand for his girlfriend, but it risked escalating her already strained home life. Mia’s mother’s apparent neglect—ignoring her daughter’s illness while doting on her sons—suggests favoritism, a dynamic that can erode self-worth. Ethan’s protective instinct was natural, but his delivery, fueled by anger, may have deepened the rift.

Favoritism is a common family issue. A 2022 Journal of Family Issues study found 35% of siblings perceive parental bias, often favoring sons, which can harm the neglected child’s mental health (Journal of Family Issues). Dr. Ellen Weber Libby, a family therapist, notes, “Confronting favoritism requires tact, as emotional outbursts can backfire, shifting focus to the confronter’s behavior” (Psychology Today). Ethan’s “horrible mother” jab, while honest, likely made Mia’s mom defensive, not reflective, potentially worsening her treatment of Mia.

Ethan’s youth and love for Mia drove his reaction, but the sarcastic edge of his words missed the mark for constructive change. Libby suggests addressing such issues calmly, ideally with the affected person’s consent. Ethan’s move to house Mia is a positive step, and their apartment plan shows commitment. He could encourage Mia to seek therapy to process her mom’s behavior and set boundaries, while apologizing to her mom for his tone—not the sentiment—to ease tensions.

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Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Reddit lit up with a spicy mix of cheers and cautions, dissecting Ethan’s clash with Mia’s mom like a family drama roast. From praising his loyalty to warning about making Mia’s life harder, the comments are a lively barbecue of takes. Here’s the raw scoop:

Unlucky-Gift-9360 − ESH (except gf). I 100% understand your anger and why you did it. Her mother sounds horrible. But abusive parents like this are rarely able to recognize that they're doing something wrong, their heads are really far up their asses,

and instead she will probably act like a victim, and as was pointed out already, take it out on your girlfriend. The mother is obviously the biggest AH though, and so is the brother (depending on his age) for not calling out his mother's behavior.

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Spoonbills − Yeah, maybe don’t make your gf’s life at home worse to feed your justice boner.. Tell your gf to ask her doctor about endometriosis.

Individual_Ad_9213 − If half of what you posted is true, then you've just managed to make your girlfriend's life even worse because her mom will take it out on her. YTA, congratulations.

tinymi3 − well, I love how you're standing up for your gf HOWEVER. YTA. bc she didn't ask you to do this and you may have just made her life harder. her mom might have been ignoring her up till now, but quite possibly she's going to turn her toxic attitude right at her with laser focus now.

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and very importantly, your gf might not *want* to be 'saved'? you aren't respecting her by doing this. your heart was in the right place buuuuut your execution was poorly thought through, immature, and ultimately is not helpful or fully considerate of your gf.. sorry dude

PT-Tundras-Watches − Betting mom was insulted you were telling her how to manage her house or what to do so of course she gave you a look. You definitely just poured gas on a fire that didn’t need it.

PanSeer18 − EDIT: ESH, I'll take OP at his word that the mother is awful, but it was an a**hole move to lash out at her without thinking of how it would make an already bad situation for his gf, worse. YTA. Two ways I see this. One is the mother is abusive/grossly negligent and now she's going to take it out on her daughter because some smart ass 19 yo insults her in her own home.

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She'll think her daughter put you up to it and that she talks badly about her mom behind her back. Even if the latter is true, it's not your place to betray your gf's trust by letting it be known. You've made things worse for her.

The other is you are severely judging a frazzled mother because she is not being with 'your baby' while she is sick, even as she may be recovering from just taking care of other sick children. Maybe it's because you're always there?

What makes you hate her so much? Is she actively mean to your gf or maybe just not the perfect parent and you've dialled that up to 100 in your head because of your feelings for your gf?. Either way YTA, possibly ESH.

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Roofantastic22 − Can you give more context on why you hate her mom? The example that she left yall alone while you were there and didn’t coddle her isn’t really giving enough of a reason to hate. You blame the brothers for giving her the flu. Well, that happens when living together and it’s not their fault. I feel like you’re playing hero w good vs evil and your gf hasn’t asked for a hero. And now you’ve left her with a po’d mom.

TemptingPenguin369 − YTA. One, 'the whole reason she’s sick is because of her brothers' makes no sense, unless her brothers gave her terrible period cramps; it's possible she got the flu from them but you can't really prove which exposure to an airborne disease is the one that made you sick. Two, without saying the ages of the brothers, you've said a lot.

At least one of them is younger, and your gf is an adult. Maybe they were sicker than their sister. Worst of all, three, you just set off a bomb in that house, and the mother surely hates you now. And your sick gf gets to wake up to find out what you've done and get berated again by her mother.

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RealWolfmeis − YTA. If you said that to me, you wouldn't be coming back to my house. Even if everything you wrote is true, and this woman does have a target child, then you just gave her MORE ammunition to use against the daughter. 'How dare he embarrass me like that in MY HOME?' ' What are you telling him?'

Is it possible Mom was taking care of the boys because you were taking point on girlfriend? It's really hard when everyone in the household is sick. I can't tell, obvs, from what you wrote, whether Mom is the cretin you describe. They DEFINITELY exist. But your misplaced 'rawr imma defend my sweet lady' energy either made it worse for your GF or wrongfully targeted an exhausted woman who is already under the gun.

Asleep_Region − YTA life lesson, don't talk s**t to people's abusers. You know what happens? The abuser takes it out on the victim

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Redditors split on Ethan’s move—some hail him as Mia’s defender, others cringe at the fallout he risked. Many slam her mom’s neglect, but a few question if he misread her exhaustion. Do these takes nail the heart of the issue, or miss Mia’s perspective?

Ethan’s fiery defense of Mia shines a light on the pain of watching a loved one neglected, but his outburst at her mom shows love can sometimes outrun wisdom. With Mia now safe and their new home on the horizon, they’re building a future free from her mom’s shadow. But the question lingers: was Ethan’s stand a needed wake-up call or a spark in a powder keg? Have you ever called out someone’s bad behavior to protect someone you love? What would you do in Ethan’s shoes? Share your thoughts below.

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