AITAH for sticking to my guns after my MIL of 30+ yrs told me I wasn’t “in the family”?
In a marriage forged over three decades, a 54-year-old woman’s heart breaks when her mother-in-law declares her not “in the family” for a private funeral, despite her years of nurturing family ties. Stung, she hands social duties to her introverted husband, refusing to invest in those who exclude her. Three years on, he calls it a grudge, but she sees it as self-respect.
This isn’t just about a family slight; it’s a powerful stand against unappreciated emotional labor. Readers will feel her hurt, cheering her resolve while questioning if time should soften her boundary or if her husband must bridge the gap.
‘AITAH for sticking to my guns after my MIL of 30+ yrs told me I wasn’t “in the family”?’
The sting of being labeled “not family” after 32 years of marriage and countless contributions—cards, gifts, meals, even financial aid—cuts deep. This woman’s decision to withdraw from managing her in-laws’ social obligations isn’t a grudge, as her husband claims, but a boundary born of betrayal. Her mother-in-law’s repeated exclusion, paired with her husband’s failure to firmly challenge it, undermines her role in the family.
This reflects a broader issue: unacknowledged emotional labor often breeds resentment in long-term relationships. A 2023 study in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that unrecognized contributions by one spouse, especially in family dynamics, correlate with higher marital strain. Her shift to delegate duties respects her mother-in-law’s stance while protecting her energy, a healthy response to dismissal.
Relationship expert Dr. Terri Orbuch, author of 5 Simple Steps to Take Your Marriage from Good to Great, notes, “Boundaries thrive when both partners validate each other’s contributions.” Her husband’s eye-rolling and memory challenges from a stroke complicate his support, but he must advocate for her, perhaps via written communication given his auditory issues. She could reinforce her stance calmly: “I need you to show your family I’m your partner, not an outsider, through your actions.” Couples counseling could help them align, addressing his cognitive needs and her hurt.
She should continue confiding in supportive friends, as past conversations with confidants have strengthened her resolve, and consider therapy to process lingering pain. If her in-laws remain oblivious, maintaining her boundary is wise, but small gestures—like attending events without planning them—might ease tension without compromising her stance.
Here’s how people reacted to the post:
Reddit erupted with fiery support and sharp critiques—here’s the community’s take:
These passionate responses rally behind her, but do they guide her next steps? Reddit’s fervor fuels debate, yet her path requires clarity.
This woman’s resolute boundary after her mother-in-law’s rejection showcases strength forged in hurt. Her story challenges us to honor our worth in family ties. Readers, have you faced exclusion from loved ones? How did you reclaim your place—or redefine it? Share your wisdom below—let’s uplift her steadfast heart!
