[UPDATE] Am I (28F) Overreacting To Ending a Long-Time Friendship (30F) Due to Her Constant Messaging and Meme-Sending to My Husband (28M)?

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In a softly lit city apartment, where dreams of a growing family once sparkled, a 28-year-old woman’s heart now wrestles with doubt. Pregnant and vulnerable, she’s reeling from the fallout of ending her long-time friendship with Sarah, a 30-year-old whose relentless texts and memes to her husband crossed a line. What began as group hangouts morphed into a boundary-blurring saga, with Sarah’s defensive blocking and the husband’s dismissive attitude deepening the wound.

The air feels thick with unspoken tension as she navigates her husband’s loyalty, Sarah’s betrayal, and her own gut instincts. Readers might sense the ache of her uncertainty, wondering how to protect a marriage while carrying new life. This update unfolds a raw chapter of trust, confrontation, and the fragile hope of therapy, pulling us into the messy heart of love and loyalty.

For those who want to read the previous part: Am I (28F) Overreacting To Ending a Long-Time Friendship (30F) Due to Her Constant Messaging and Meme-Sending to My Husband (28M)?

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‘[UPDATE] Am I (28F) Overreacting To Ending a Long-Time Friendship (30F) Due to Her Constant Messaging and Meme-Sending to My Husband (28M)?’

UPDATE FOR: I never thought I would find myself in this situation, but here we are. For context, I've been friends with 'Sarah' (30F) for a few years. We've been through a lot together, and I considered her one of my closest friends. However, recently, something happened that I couldn't ignore.

Over the past few months, Sarah has gotten close with my husband and I was pretty much okay with us all hiking and eating out together, she came to our wedding etc., however, all hours of the day, Sarah has been sending my husband (28M) a ton of messages and memes. At first, I didn't think much of it.

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My husband and I are both friendly people, and I know Sarah has a good sense of humor. But the frequency and nature of the messages started to make me uncomfortable. They weren't just occasional funny memes; it felt like she was constantly reaching out to him. I tried to brush it off, thinking maybe I was overreacting, but the feeling persisted.

I eventually talked to my husband about it, and while he assured me there was nothing going on, he got defensive saying nothing is going on. I allowed them to still hangout and I tried my hardest to not seem crazy, but yes, I feel crazy. So, I decided to finally talk to Sarah. I approached her calmly and explained how her constant messaging made me feel uncomfortable.

I used 'I' statements to avoid sounding accusatory and tried to be as understanding as possible. Instead of understanding or apologizing, she got defensive. She insisted that it was harmless and that I was being ridiculous. The conversation didn't go well, and shortly after, she blocked me on all social media. I was shocked and hurt. I never wanted to end our friendship over this, but I felt disrespected and ignored.

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I'm feeling a mix of emotions right now. On one hand, I feel justified in setting boundaries and protecting my marriage. On the other hand, I'm mourning the loss of a long-time friend.. Has anyone else experienced something similar? How did you handle it? Any advice or perspective would be greatly appreciated.

THE UPDATE:: Hello everyone. I'm sorry for the sudden post removal yesterday. My post had violated a rule on this subreddit, and for that, I'm sorry if anyone was in the middle of reading it. However, I wanted to share an update with you all about how my talk with my husband went and I took your advice into consideration to have a discussion with him.

When he got off work, he called me, and we immediately didn't have a good start to the conversation. My husband thinks I'm 'jealous' because he said it's not infidelity for her to send him memes and messages 'once in a while.' He said he never saw Sarah in that light and that he just really liked her just as a friend and he's told me that for many months and he's just sick of me accusing him of infidelity when he works hard for me to be a stay at home mom.

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He never flirted with Sarah. He also said he's incredibly happy that I'm pregnant and he wants to start a family so I've been a priority and not Sarah. However, he mentioned that he and his brother had grown somewhat distant from Sarah in the past because she was immature and has blocked many people throughout their friendship that I wasn't aware of.

She's not good at taking criticism and has fought with other players when they went paintballing or at the gym and this is something Sarah likes to do is brag about blocking people. Hence why she blocked me. My husband mentioned other friends brought up issues in the past, Sarah simply blocked them. it's something Sarah simply does.

Anyway, when he got home, we hardly spoke, and there was a lot of awkwardness. I signed myself up for therapy because he didn't want marital counseling yet. At night, we finally managed to talk some more, and I asked my husband if they blocked each other. He told me he hasn't checked but hasn't received anything from Sarah all day.

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I told him to block her; however, he doesn't believe in blocking anyone because he thinks it's immature and childish. He wants Sarah and me to salvage the friendship and he wants to reach out to her so we can have a chance to talk about the fallout. His response about why he's so defensive about the friendship is not because of infidelity, but because he's disappointed that I ended a friendship that I held onto for so long and that Sarah held me in high regard.

He thinks sending memes isn't any proof of cheating and he never flirted with her. He said he would heart her memes. He apologized for over sharing with her and he thought she was just offering a shoulder to cry on. He said he's mainly sad about losing the other guy friends that Sarah brought to the table.

They were all gamers and went to the gym together, and he's going to miss that if Sarah and I don't reconcile the friendship. My husband is also sad about all the drama this has caused and how Sarah's guy friends are going to badmouth me because I confronted her. He told me it's too soon for marital counseling for him; I didn't want to force that upon him.

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Right now, I feel like I'm in l**bo and don't have the strength to just get up and leave him if that's the answer you're looking for. I will say I'm going to try to look at his phone myself when I have the energy, probably today, and confirm if anything is going on. It's easier said than done. A part of me believes him and that he doesn't like her, but their friendship still makes me feel weird.

I didn't check his phone because I was going through a huge energy drain, and it wasn't good for my baby. I prioritized my well-being and kept things low-key. It was also terrifying for me and I guess I'm not strong enough for that just yet. I probably will today now that my husband and I talked more.

Stepping into a marriage’s trust issues is like navigating a fog-laden path—one wrong turn can deepen the haze. The woman’s distress, amplified by pregnancy, stems from Sarah’s excessive contact with her husband and his refusal to fully validate her concerns. His insistence that memes aren’t infidelity, paired with his reluctance to block Sarah, signals a troubling prioritization of social ties over marital unity.

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Relationship expert Dr. John Gottman notes, “Trust is built when partners prioritize each other’s emotional safety” (source: The Gottman Institute, 2024). The husband’s defensiveness and focus on losing gaming friends suggest a failure to grasp the emotional toll on his wife, risking what Gottman calls a “bid for connection” being ignored. Sarah’s pattern of blocking critics, meanwhile, hints at manipulative triangulation.

About 60% of couples report trust issues tied to external friendships, often exacerbated by poor communication (source: Journal of Marriage and Family, 2023). Pregnancy heightens emotional stakes, with stress linked to health risks for mother and baby (source: American Psychological Association). The woman’s therapy pursuit is a bold step, but joint counseling could bridge the gap.

Gottman advises couples to create “rituals of connection,” like daily check-ins, to rebuild trust. The husband should limit contact with Sarah and affirm his wife’s boundaries, perhaps by sharing device access.

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Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Reddit’s hive mind didn’t hold back, serving up a spicy mix of outrage, skepticism, and advice. Here’s the community’s take on this tangled drama:

unknownfena − Sarah sounds annoying.. and your husband wants someone as a friend who can't accept critism.. Why??? 

Trisamitops − Ending the friendship was her reaction, not yours. You just brought up a conversation about your boundaries, which she took offense to. Also laughing at your husband's reaction to you bringing up counseling... 'Nah, we'll just wait till it gets real bad. No need to waste time on maintenance/ prevention.'

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Hilseph − Don’t let him talk you out of your gut feeling. Maybe he’s telling the truth but he has been oddly evasive about everything, and his excuse for refusing to block her is pretty stupid. He’s also doing a ton of redirecting here. It wouldn’t be so suspicious if he stopped getting this defensive and downplaying everything.. Your first post sounded like this situation had pretty decisively been an emotional affair. Can’t find the original text

Peaceful_Stranger − This is so weird that this is his stance, and it sucks to read your update. His unwillingness to end a friendship that is making you uncomfortable, and then state you’re insecure and jealous—is really something.

justmeraw − 🚩 So it's okay for Sarah to block people because it's something she 'simply does' but objects to you ending the friendship. 🚩 He's okay with your boundaries being violated because it provides an avenue to his social life at the gym and the gamers.. 🚩 H~~e's unwilling to get counseling with you.~~ (just saw a comment that he agreed to go.). 🚩 He isn't willing to stand up for you if these so-called friends start to bad mouth you.

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babydollbabydoll − Why the hell does he need another woman’s shoulder to cry on??

melibel24 − Your husband makes no sense. You didn't end the friendship; Sara did. She blocked you. She couldn't handle being told that something she was doing made you feel uncomfortable. She immediately got defensive and attacked. Someone who 'holds you in high regard' doesn't do this. Guilty people do this. People who know they are doing something inappropriate and wrong do this.

People who can't handle being told no do this. It's also concerning that not once has he shown you an ounce of compassion, understanding, empathy, actually any positive emotion that would indicate he even likes you much less loves you. Maybe that's not included in this post and was included in the post that was removed.

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From what has been written in this post, it sounds as if Sara is his wife and you are the side piece. He is defending Sara. He wants an apology for Sara. He will allow people to bad mouth you but NOT Sara. I need you to really hear that. He actually said to you that it will be a drama to listen to his friend's bad mouth you when you have done nothing wrong.

And yet he can't handle hearing your legitimate concerns about Sara. He chooses Sara. I would book a marriage counseling appointment ASAFP. I truly hope he gives 100% of his effort to counseling. I truly hope he is sincere in wanting to work this out with you and that there is a lot of information missing from this post.

__lavender − I’m sorry for the comments you’re getting. You are pregnant, aka hormonally o**rwhelmed and vulnerable. That doesn’t mean you’re overreacting or irrational. Pregnancy is often when the mask comes off - to be clear I’m not saying this is what’s happening here, but I don’t like his reaction at all.

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He can make friends with Sarah’s mutuals separately from Sarah, he doesn’t need her as a vector once he’s met & exchanged contact with his new gamer buddies. If they badmouth you for having conflict with Sarah, then they’re not good people,

and your husband shouldn’t want to hang out with them. He should be treating you like a princess if he’s so happy you’re pregnant and excited for you to be a SAHM.. Please turn to your family and/or friends and start building up/fortifying your existing support network.

reads_to_much − A real friend wouldn't put you in this position in the first place. The second you told her you were uncomfortable with their friendship being so full on she should have just backed off. Instead, she blew up like a spoiled child.. Your husband should be prioritising you and the baby, not a bunch of gaming or gym friends and definitely not scheming Sarah.. he needs to grow up he's about to be a dad..

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a_curious_hermit − He wants Sarah and me to salvage the friendship and he wants to reach out to her so we can have a chance to talk about the fallout. I don't give a flying f**k about what he wants, when it comes to MY friendships, what I think and feel is MORE important than what he does.

His response about why he's so defensive about the friendship is not because of infidelity, but because he's disappointed that I ended a friendship that I held onto for so long and that Sarah held me in high regard. Sarah told HIM that. She has been exceedingly cold to YOU. You are in a much better position to thoroughly evaluate her behaviour.

There are 2 different friendships in play here. She only tolerates 'yes men', how far is he willing to go in order to remain in the click?. He thinks sending memes isn't any proof of cheating and he never flirted with her.. Try refrasing 'emotional cheating' as 'emotional loyalty'.

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You ARE entitled to loyalty from your spouse. On top of that, if you suspect that Sarah might take pleasure in silently leaving you further and further out in the cold, while strengthening her bond with YOUR spouse. That's called triangulation, something he can learn more about in therapy.

These fiery takes light up the thread, but do they cut to the core or just stoke the chaos? Reddit’s raw energy is undeniable, yet it’s worth pondering if these opinions hold water beyond the screen.

This woman’s journey—from confronting a friend’s overstep to facing her husband’s resistance—paints a vivid portrait of trust under siege. Her resolve to seek therapy and check her husband’s phone, despite emotional exhaustion, speaks to a fierce commitment to truth and self-care. As she stands at this crossroads, pregnant and uncertain, her story beckons us to reflect. Have you ever wrestled with a partner’s loyalty or a friend’s boundaries? What would you do in her place? Dive in below—let’s keep the conversation rolling!

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