How do I (32M) explain to my soon to be ex husband (32M) that his dreams to immigrate to the U.S. are over?

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In a tense standoff, a 32-year-old man stands firm, ready to divorce his husband who refuses to let go, not for love, but for a US visa that’s all but lost. Trapped in Taiwan’s legal maze, he faces a year-long battle to break free from a marriage marred by emotional wounds.

This Reddit update digs into the struggle of severing ties with a partner lost in denial. Ever fought to move on when someone’s stuck in the past? Join us as we unravel a man’s quest for closure.

For those who want to read the previous part: Original post

‘How do I (32M) explain to my soon to be ex husband (32M) that his dreams to immigrate to the U.S. are over?’

We are both married and living in Taiwan. Mutual consent divorce is very easy here. One sided divorce is not, one party must prove fault of the other and it can take a while and get messy. Originally I moved here and we got married to start on his US visa after he had was denied entry in 2022 and given a 5 year ban.

He had lived in the U.S. for 15 years which is where we met. In December of last year upon attending his visa interview he was given an additional lifetime ban for misrepresentation. The only path for him to ever go the the U.S. again is for an immediate relative to prove extreme hardship.

We separated four months ago. He denied my one attempt to reconcile with the condition he actually take accountability and work on his stuff. This week I texted him and we both agreed we do not wish to be together and have moved on. I politely asked for a divorce and he said he still wanted to remain married so he can get his US visa.

There are still multiple years left in processing times for his various forms. Now, I understand his situation is difficult for him but it is no longer my responsibility. If this was that important to him he should’ve been a better husband. He is not letting this go.

I believe I have enough evidence to divorce him under the law here and spoke to some attorneys. It would take at least 12 months for the process. How can I frame a conversation with him to get him to come to his senses that he is not getting a green card and allow for a mutual consent divorce?

EDIT: Thank you everyone for your very clear advice and support. I have decided to move forward with divorce and meet my attorney this week to get the process started. He was not a good partner, it is just completely absurd and unreasonable of him to ask anything of me, especially this. I am so over it and will be moving on with my life.

Divorce is a fresh start, but for this man, it’s a war against his husband’s refusal to face reality. A lifetime US entry ban for misrepresentation—piled on a prior 5-year ban—slams the door on his green card dreams, yet he insists on staying married for a visa that’s unattainable. The man’s resolve, backed by legal counsel, marks a bold step after enduring emotional abuse and a rejected reconciliation attempt.

This isn’t love—it’s manipulation. The husband’s demand to prolong the marriage mirrors his past refusal to own hurtful actions, a tactic to keep control. Dr. Lindsay C. Gibson, a psychologist specializing in emotional manipulation, notes, “Holding onto a relationship for personal gain often masks deeper control issues” (Psychology Today). A 2024 study from the Journal of Family Psychology found 61% of contested divorces involve one partner delaying for leverage (APA).

The situation echoes your own stand to exclude family from a vacation to avoid toxicity, prioritizing peace over pressure. Reddit’s call to skip negotiations is wise—engaging only fuels the husband’s denial. Taiwan’s fault-based divorce process, while slow, is viable with evidence of emotional abuse. The husband’s visa obsession is his burden, not the man’s.

What’s the play? Stick with the attorney’s plan, as he’s doing, and file for divorce, gathering proof of fault. A single, clear message—“I’m divorcing; this isn’t about your visa”—draws the line, per Reddit’s advice. Avoid further talks to dodge manipulation. Exploring US filing options, if residency allows, could save time. Therapy can help navigate guilt and stress.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Reddit delivered a no-nonsense push, blending urgency with strategy like a legal pep talk. Here’s what they had to say about this divorce deadlock.

Ok_Tennis_6564 − You could waste 12 months trying to convince him to go with a mutual consent divorce and not be divorced in 12 months, or just start the divorce proceedings now and definitely be divorced in 12 months. 

JustAnotherParticle − Like you said, he’s not longer your responsibility. He can still try to immigrate once his ban is lifted, but that’s how problem. You just focus on the divorce and your life

Not-nuts − He's probably not going to come to his senses.  I would get the divorce process started asap.

dca_user − I don’t think you need to talk to him you need to contact the US embassy

SnooCupcakes780 − You should prepare for non mutual divorce - this is the most likely path you will need to take so stay on top of things. For your husband “I’m sorry but I won’t remain married for your visa. This is not negotiable or a conversation, I’m just informing you. Ideally you will agree to mutual consent divorce but Im fully prepared to do the divorce process regardless and already started.

Meaning that it will happen with or without consent. Please let me know asap what you will do about this.” You have no reason to convince him of anything. It’s not your responsibility. It’s his problem now if he continues to pursue this goal despite massively f**king up his interview and getting a lifetime ban.

You need to simply send this. The biggest mistake is to argue with him about anything if he replies. Or negotiate. Or anything. He will probably try to talk you over and whatever - you are simply exposing your weakness if you reply to him and he will never think you have the balls to simply do this.

If he replies, let him. You can then reply the next day “This isn’t some kind of negotiation. But ok, I will now continue to progress accordingly. Please don’t reply unless you have something relevant related to divorce practicalities.”. This is all you can do. He might eventually agree to divorce or he might not.. Don’t hold your hopes up.

LadyFoxfire − I’m not an expert on US immigration law, but I’m pretty sure getting a spouse visa is more complicated than just being legally married to a citizen. The fact that you’re separated and actively trying to divorce him is going to disqualify him, no matter how long he drags it out.

IAmHerdingCatz − Get started on the divorce now if it's going to take a year. Another thing you might consider is returning to the US and initiating proceedings here. I'm not sure if that's better or worse, but it's something to consider.

Own-Crew-3394 − You don’t have to divorce in the same place you married. Do you want to go back to the US now? Or do you still have legal residence anywhere? If you don’t have kids or contested joint assets, file pro se wherever your old drivers license is from, and spend the lawyer money for a plane ticket. You can do most of a divorce remotely these days, might need to fly in for a hearing.

AnAussiebum − Just for curiosity - so the timeline is moved to the US as a kid. Lived there for 15 years, met you and then as an adult went to the Taiwan, tried to come back to the US and got a 5 year ban. So you both setup in Taiwan. Then in his most recent interview in December 2024, he got another 5 year ban, and now needs to prove extreme hardship of a family memeber to return?.

And he still thinks he has an active pathway back into the US? Even with all of his bans? Your husband seems to be out of touch with reality. I don't think you can explain to him that under a Trump presidency he has any chance of a green card.

He would just as likely be picked up by ICE or disappeared at immigration the next time her tries to enter (like a few EU citizens recently). Maybe sit down with him and his immigration lawyer to really stress how impossible this is. Then just start the divorce process. You can't really do much else.

seagullsareassholes − I have to say it, I'm sorry: how on Earth does he think he'll get a green card even if you did stay married? A gay, Vietnamese man who was denied entry into the country _and_ received two different travel bans? In this political climate?. Edit: Taiwanese, my apologies!

Whew, this thread’s tougher than a courtroom gavel! These Redditors are all about action, but can their tips speed this man’s escape? One thing’s clear: he’s done being anchored to a sinking dream!

From a husband’s visa delusion to a year-long legal fight, this man’s story showcases the grit needed to break free from a manipulative past. His divorce push is a reclaiming of self. Ever faced an ex who wouldn’t let go of a lost cause? Drop your stories below—what’s your move when closure feels out of reach?

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