[UPDATA] I (27M) overheard my sister (25F) confess her love for my fiance (30M), how do I confront her?

Under the dappled shade of a park’s ancient oaks, a 27-year-old transgender man hoped for clarity when he met his 25-year-old sister to discuss her overheard confession of love for his 30-year-old gay fiancé. What began as a bid to preserve their close-knit, drama-free family spiraled into heartbreak. Her tearful party admission, once thought a drunken slip, erupted into a transphobic tirade, questioning his identity and his fiancé’s choice, leaving him reeling from betrayal.

Now, with his sister spreading her narrative to their neutral parents and blocking his attempts to reach out, the man leans on his supportive fiancé while facing a painful choice: protect his wedding and mental health or try salvaging a sibling bond turned toxic. Readers feel his anguish, wondering if reconciliation is possible amidst such prejudice.

For those who want to read the previous part: I (27M) overheard my sister (25F) confess her love for my fiance (30M), how do I confront her?.

‘[UPDATA] I (27M) overheard my sister (25F) confess her love for my fiance (30M), how do I confront her?’

Hi again everyone. I first want to thank all the people that responded. I really didn't expect to get so much advice. I probably would've still been panicking and bottling this up if you guys didn't help out. Unfortunately it still went bad, but I'm glad I listened to you guys for it all. Also, to clarify a few things I saw people get confused on in the comments.

My fiance is gay, and I never doubted his loyalty which is why I barely mentioned him in the original post. I was mostly concerned about my sister since we had wanted her in the wedding party so it was extra scary to hear she was crushing on my fiance. Along with that, I know a lot of you said to just leave it be, but for the reason above along with my personal beliefs, I really didn't want to let it simmer.

Anyways, I ended up talking with my fiance the day after I made the post, once he got home from work and we were settled. I sort of word vomited at him, but I tried to remember the advice I had gotten. He was equally disturbed, probably a bit more since he has dealt with a similar situation at work once.

We both definitely wanted to talk to her and just clear the air, and ended up making a little plan to meet her in a park. Originally, It was only going to be me, but my fiance wanted to stay nearby in the car. So yesterday I texted her and we met. Honestly I'm still recovering from everything she said to me, so I won't repeat much of it here.

The basic gist is that once we chatted for a bit, I brought it up gently that I had heard her at the reunion party and wanted to communicate with her about the things she said. One thing I didn't feel the need to mention in the original post was that I am also a transgender man. It didn't matter to the issue, or at least I thought it didn't.

However once I asked my sister, she started on a whole tirade with a lot of right-wing talking points, mostly that she didn't get why my fiance was settled for a 'confused girl' rather than someone like her, and admitting that yes, she has feelings for him since she thinks he deserves better than me.

I didn't say much to her but once I realized what was going on I just said that I was done and left. I really don't know how she's changed so much since the girl I grew up with. She used to be super supportive, which she even acknowledged and said she was just as lost as I am. After that I was just a mess, so I apologize for not updating sooner.

My sister is living with my parents while she works to get a job in the new area so she's also started telling them about the conversation. Both of my parents don't want to get involved, which I understand and I tried texting her to tell her to stop bothering them but she blocked me, so I guess that's that.

My fiance wants to cut her from the wedding as a whole, and I'm just leaning on him as a pillar right now. I wish this was a happier update, and I still really don't know what to do. Still, thank you all for the advice you gave, and if you guys have any advice on how to deal with this new issue, I'd take it. Is there a way to get through to her?

This family’s fracture is a stark clash of identity and prejudice. “Transphobia within families often stems from discomfort with change or societal biases,” says Dr. Laura Erickson-Schroth, a psychiatrist specializing in LGBTQ+ issues. Her work highlights how relatives may mask bigotry with personal grievances, as seen in the sister’s attack on her brother’s identity.

The sister’s shift from supportive ally to transphobic critic, possibly influenced by her time in a conservative environment, blindsided her brother. Her feelings for his fiancé, paired with her claim that he’s a “confused girl,” reveal resentment and entitlement, undermining his identity and relationship. His parents’ neutrality, while avoiding conflict, risks enabling her behavior, leaving him isolated.

A 2022 study in Journal of Family Psychology (Source) found 40% of transgender individuals face family rejection, increasing risks of anxiety. Dr. Erickson-Schroth advises, “Set firm boundaries to protect mental health.” Excluding the sister from the wedding and limiting contact, as the fiancé suggests, prioritizes the couple’s well-being. Individual therapy could help the man process grief and navigate parental dynamics.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

Reddit’s responses are a fiery blend of outrage and support—like a rally for justice with a side of snark. Here’s what they said:

wishingforarainyday − Oh man, I am so sorry. Her thinking she’s better is disgusting. You need to cut her out of the wedding and uninvite her. I’m honestly pissed at your parents too. They should be calling out her transphobia and s**tty behavior. I would not speak with her again. I hope she gets therapy and genuinely apologizes one day. As for you and your fiancé. I’m glad he’s such a supportive partner. I wish you both well on your adventure together.

WinterFront1431 − Uninvited her from the wedding and your life and tell your parents if they bring her, they will ALL be removed. And if they continue to remain in Switzerland when your sister openly admitted she wants your partner, then they will be getting low contact from you.. If anyone is a confused girl, it's her. He's gay ffs.

avid-learner-bot − Your sister's warped views on trans folks are sickening. Period. She's probably projecting her own shortcomings while dissing you and your identity. Block her number, move on, and surround yourself with people who actually give a damn about the real you, you deserve way better than that toxic mess

LadyBug_0570 − I don't understand her thinking. Your fiancé's gay. He wants to marry a man. You're a man. Why does your sister think she has a shot in hell?

megamoze − You should absolutely uninvite her to your wedding. No question.

DayDreamer0506 − Do not let her near your wedding. 

kuddly_kallico − Man, your sister really sucks. I'm sorry she turned out to be this kind of adult. I think removing her from the wedding is the right move, you only want those who love you most to surround you on your special day and she has openly admitted that she does not support your relationship or lifestyle.

Kind of shocked that your parents don't want to get involved, that's also s**tty. Your sister is very clearly in the wrong, and I wonder if she only told your parents one side of the story. My advice is two-fold: step one, get a therapist if you can afford one. Even if you can only afford a few appointments, it will make an impact.

Step two, start setting boundaries with your family that will protect you and your fiancé. Your sister is no longer a safe person. Boundaries may include removing her from social media, only speaking at large family functions, and only discussing surface-level info in her presence. Perhaps she is no longer welcome in your home. Your parents are not having your back as your sister attacks your identity and your relationship.

That means they are not 100% supportive of you either, and you can't rely on them 100%. I'm hoping they are accepting and loving at least, but allowing their daughter to push the narrative that you are confused and your gay fiancé would be better off with a 'real woman' speaks volumes. You may want to step back a bit, and acknowledge that they aren't fully with you.

Formal-Finance83 − Uninvited her and get security.

RhubarbGoldberg − Florida strikes again!! She was likely and easily indoctrinated while down there. I'd block and ignore her for now. There's no reasoning with these people when they're still on the kool-aid. Maybe after some time back in the north, she'll deconstruct a bit? It's not your job to fix her, OP, and you'll likely make things worse if you had the inclination to even try.. I'd be pissed at my parents for tacitly supporting her transphobia.

facethesun_17 − This is sad, coming from your sister. Someone who should be your support and care. But instead, she’s greedy and wanting it all for herself and making you the bad person. That’s what she is. You don’t have to try to paint a good picture as she has none. Your fiance is right to cut her off from the wedding. And you both should go NC too. You don’t need these kind of betrayal from your relatives. She’s 25, old and adult enough to know what she’s doing.

These bold takes capture the community’s fury, but do they oversimplify the sister’s radicalization or the parents’ role? Reddit’s passion is clear, but healing requires strategy.

This man’s story is a gut-wrenching reminder that love and family can falter under prejudice’s weight. His sister’s transphobic outburst not only threatens his wedding but challenges his sense of belonging. Can he forge peace with a family divided, or must he carve a new path with his fiancé alone? What would you do when a sibling’s betrayal cuts this deep? Share your thoughts—your insight might guide someone through this storm.

Share this post

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *