AITA for watching one friend’s kids but not another?

In a sunlit suburban neighborhood, where coffee chats fuel friendships, a woman’s generous offer to babysit turned into an unexpected storm. Eager to gift her close friend a carefree birthday, she spent a day shepherding three polite pre-teens to the zoo, their laughter echoing through animal exhibits. But when photos of the adventure hit social media, another friend’s rage flared, exposing raw tensions over favors and fairness.

This Reddit tale pulls us into a tangle of loyalty, boundaries, and clashing expectations. As one friend’s gratitude collides with another’s resentment, readers are left pondering: where’s the line between kindness and obligation in friendships? Let’s unravel this drama, straight from the online trenches.

‘AITA for watching one friend’s kids but not another?’

I (30F) have a friend I work with (35F) who was telling me a few weeks ago that she was kind of bummed that her birthday weekend plans had fallen through because her MIL wasn't able to watch her kids anymore. She has three kids, a 12yo and 10 yo twins. I absolutely love this friend so I decided to offer to watch her kids for the day.

She was surprised I offered and kept saying it wasn't necessary but I told her I wanted her to have a good birthday. The day was exhausting for me but the kids had fun. We went to the zoo and had lunch and I delivered the kids back in one piece. It wasn't something I would do all the time, but I was happy to lend a hand to a friend.

My friend posted a picture of the three kids that I had sent her from the zoo and tagged me, thanking me for taking the kiddos for the day. Another friend of mine, let’s call her Kelsey saw I was tagged and called me and she was LIVID. Kelsey is a single mom to two young toddlers, 3 and 1.5 yo. She constantly asks me to watch her kids because I live near by.

I always decline because to be honest, I’m not a big kid person. I do not like being around young kids because they are so loud and chaotic. I offered with my other friend because her kids were older, house trained, and I’ve met them before. They are quiet and polite. Plus I know this wouldn’t be a regular thing. It was just a one off because of a special occasion.

Kelsey was so mad that I would watch another person kids but don’t help her out. I told her that it was different circumstances, and that the kids were older and it was a one off. She asks me several times a month. Kelsey said it didn’t matter and I was a horrible friend and a major a**hole.

This woman’s zoo day gesture, meant to brighten a friend’s birthday, unexpectedly lit a fuse in another friendship. Kelsey’s anger stems from feeling slighted, but the situations differ vastly: older, self-sufficient kids versus high-energy toddlers. The woman’s clear boundary—not watching young kids due to discomfort—reflects self-awareness, yet Kelsey’s reaction suggests an expectation of automatic help.

Friendship dynamics often hinge on unspoken assumptions. Studies show single parents, like Kelsey, face childcare stress, which can amplify sensitivity to perceived inequities. The woman’s choice to help once, with older kids she knows, isn’t favoritism—it’s practicality. Relationship expert Dr. Irene Levine notes, “Friendships thrive on mutual respect for boundaries, not entitlement to favors.”

Kelsey’s frequent requests, despite refusals, signal a lack of respect for the woman’s limits. This clash mirrors broader social pressures: friends aren’t obligated to fill childcare gaps. The woman’s transparency about her discomfort was fair, but Kelsey’s outburst risks fracturing their bond.

To navigate this, the woman could calmly reiterate her boundaries, perhaps suggesting alternative support like recommending babysitters. Maintaining distance from Kelsey’s demands may preserve her peace.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Reddit’s crowd dove in with wit and wisdom, serving up takes hotter than a zoo’s summer day. Here’s what they had to say:

Anonymotron42 − NTA. I speak from experience that you can take a 12 and 10 year old to the zoo, but that 3 and 1.5 year olds ***are*** the zoo. The situations are not comparable, especially if you’re not a kid person.

HolyGonzo − It's a little curious that she keeps asking if you keep saying no. When you tell her no, are you trying to sugarcoat it (like, 'I can't do it today') or are you just telling her you don't feel comfortable babysitting her kids?

Taking care of toddlers is a lot different than taking care of middle-school kids who understand how to manage most of their own issues, not to mention taking care of them multiple times vs. one-off. I understand it's hard to be a single parent but it is not the same situation and you're not the AH here.. NTA

Sewing-Mama − 'Nope. I don't watch kids unless they are 10/12 or older. Lol'

Organic_Gap3112 − 12 and 10 year olds honestly don’t even need to be watched. They just need adult presence. Toddlers need to be completely cared for and watched constantly…..no thanks.

Smarterthanuthink867 − NTA. Watching toddlers is very different and a lot harder than watching older kids.

Spiritual-Bridge3027 − I never understand people like Kelsey who have kids one after another and then expect the world to help taking care of them. Also, supervising kids above 10 (who are also relatively well behaved) is totally different from managing two very young kids. Kelsey did you a favor yelling at you- you have a perfect reason to give her loads of space. NTA

Lisard13 − NTA how entitled of her. Your time is yours to do as you please, you don’t have to justify yourself. If it were up to her you would be her default nanny and she probably wouldn’t even be grateful.

LavenderPearlTea − NTA. Why does Kelsey feel you owe her free babysitting? She nags you for it constantly too.

Ok_Satisfaction_7466 − house trained... did you just call the older kids house trained? What i don't understand is, why does the mom of the younger kids want someone who doesn't like kids to watch her kids. And also, I have the utmost respect for you in this. If you know you're not a kid person it's good that you are self aware enough to realize it. And there's nothing wrong with that. She should not push her kids onto you.

Daisysue90 − 10-12 year olds are usually pretty efficient and easier to manage than two toddlers. You are under no obligation to watch anyone's children, and while I understand that Kelsey is stressed and tired, but you do not owe her this. If I were Kelsey, I would have taken the hint the first few couple of times you declined and would stop asking.. NTA. Kelsey may need to hire a babysitter if she wants help.

These spicy opinions back the woman’s choice, but do they oversimplify Kelsey’s stress? Maybe it’s less about entitlement and more about a single mom’s desperation!

From a joyful zoo outing to a fiery friendship clash, this story lays bare the delicate balance of favors and boundaries. It’s a reminder that kindness doesn’t mean saying yes to everyone, and friendships need respect to flourish. Have you ever faced a friend’s anger over a favor you couldn’t give? Share your thoughts—what’s the trick to setting boundaries without burning bridges?

Share this post

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *