Should I [29F] asked my fiancé [31M] to split bills and expenses more proportionately?

Imagine scraping by, skipping haircuts and new clothes, just to keep up with shared bills—while your fiancé, flush with cash, splurges on fancy lunches. For a 29-year-old woman earning $25,000 a year, this is daily life with her fiancé, who pulls in $75,000. Their 50/50 expense split feels like a boulder on her shoulders, crushing her ability to enjoy date nights or even a bottle of wine for Thanksgiving. Readers, get ready for a Reddit story that’s all about love, money, and the tension brewing when budgets don’t align.

Her frugal hacks—slashing phone bills, dodging restaurants—aren’t enough to bridge the income gap. Jealousy creeps in as she watches him live comfortably, and she’s torn about asking for a fairer split. Will a conversation fix this, or is resentment already taking root? Let’s dive into her dilemma and the Reddit buzz it sparked.

‘Should I [29F] asked my fiancé [31M] to split bills and expenses more proportionately?’

Together for 3.5 years. After taxes I make $25000 per year, he makes $75000 per year. Everything is split 50/50 except our groceries because he was willing to admit that he spends waaaaay more than I ever would on food. I'm trying to pay my fair share, but I'm struggling; I just can't keep up.

I think if I made $50000 and he made $150000 the difference wouldn't be so bad even though he would still make 3x more than me, but I'm so close to broke any expense makes a difference. I have really tried to cut down;

no new clothes in so long I look like a hobo half the time, I cut my phone bill down to $20 a month, managed to qualify for a really cheap health insurance plan, we basically never eat out anymore, haven't had my hair cut in over a year, but it's not enough to make a difference when you make this little and are splitting bills 50/50 with someone who makes triple your income.

Lately I've been turning down a lot of ideas for date nights or short trips because I just don't have the money. Even smaller stuff like buying a bottle of wine to bring to Thanksgiving dinner because I said it wasn't in my budget (he ended up paying for it).

I feel like a big party pooper, and I can tell he's disappointed when I say I can't do something, but I just don't know what else to do until I get a better job. To be honest I also get a little jealous when he mentions splurging on lunch at one of our favorite restaurants, or buying new clothes, or other 'fun' purchase I can't make. I would like to talk to him before this jealousy grows into true resentment, but I don't know if it's fair to ask to split the bills more (to me) fairly.

Money troubles in love? That’s a recipe for stress, and this woman’s feeling the heat. Splitting bills 50/50 with a fiancé who earns triple her income has her stretched thin, saying no to date nights and battling envy. Let’s break this down with a financial lens and expert insights.

The OP’s struggle stems from an unequal financial burden. Her fiancé’s higher earnings allow him luxuries she can’t touch, yet their equal split ignores this disparity. As Forbes notes, couples often clash when income gaps aren’t addressed. Her cost-cutting—down to a $20 phone bill—shows effort, but it’s unsustainable without teamwork.

This reflects a bigger issue: financial equity in relationships. A 2023 survey by Bankrate found 42% of couples argue over money, often due to unequal contributions. Financial planner Amy Richardson advises, “Couples should split costs based on income percentages to ease tension” (Money.com). Here, a 25/75 split (her paying 25%, him 75%) could mirror their income ratio, freeing her to enjoy life a bit.

For solutions, she should approach her fiancé during their check-in, framing it as a team goal: “I want us to enjoy life together without me stressing over bills.” Suggesting a proportional split or a joint “fun fund” for dates could help. Consulting a financial advisor, as Redditors suggested, could also align their goals.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Reddit jumped into this financial fray with gusto, dishing out advice like it’s a potluck of wisdom. From calls for proportional splits to warnings about partnership red flags, the comments are a lively mix of support and spice. Here’s the scoop:

spazz_44 − Engage him in a discussion on this but don’t jump in with just the more income based split. Explain that you are disappointed that you have to keep saying no to things and tell him it’s because you are broke.

Share with him specifically the actions you have taken to try to free up some disposable income and how it has not worked. Talk about what you are doing toward increasing your income and see if he has any suggestions. If you are engaged you should both be very open about finances and should be problem solving together.

[Reddit User] − I think that if he really loved and respected you, he wouldn't expect you to pay for half of everything and then opt for the expensive options all the time. Heck, when my partner was unemployed for 6 months I paid for everything except his half of the rent.

I did it because I loved him and I knew that we were a partnership and that means we have to pick up the slack for our other half sometimes. Some would say I made the wrong choice, but now he works full-time and I get to stay at home with our kids.

He gives me spending money every week and pays for everything. We've been together for 7 years and have covered for each other many times. Life has many seasons and if he isn't willing to at least compromise with this, I would fear how he would treat you if you became unemployed for whatever reason.. Curious, does he do 50/50 of all the housework?

Whatsfordinner4 − If you split 50/50, spending has to be within the lower earner’s means.  I earn a looot more than my husband. We live pretty frugally, so things are split 50/50 (my excess money goes into savings for the both of us though). But if we wanna do something fancy, I know he couldn’t afford it so I pay.

5pinktoes − I honestly think your finances should be *equitable*.. He makes 2/3 more than you do, ergo he pays for 2/3 of y'all's expenses.. Lets work with easily  understandable figures, shall we?. Rent is $600.00. You pay $200, he pays $400.. Groceries are $300. You pay $100, he pays $200.

I *strongly* recommend you both see a financial advisor together. An *independent* financial advisor. They can listen, ask pertinent questions, address issues you both have AND address issues neither one of you have considered.. Your relationship, especially your *financial* relationship must be equitable. Otherwise, you, Op, are vulnerable.

canadian_viking − If he wants everything to be split 50/50, he's gotta live life on your budget, not his. If he wants to live a fancier life, that 50/50 split better get adjusted to some place that makes more sense for the both of you.

baileyt1993 − This is crazy. How are you married to a person who Makes three times as much as you and makes you go 50-50. Delusion.

wigglebuttbiscuits − Yes. You two are engaged, you should be moving towards your money being ‘ours’ and on a basic level, he should care that you’re broke and want to help.

[Reddit User] − I think 50/50 is the only fair way to do things until you are married. Once you are married everything is shared. Really the problem here is your job. You are 29 years old and still making a 16 year olds summer job wage. You are an adult, you need to buckle down and put yourself in a position to contribute like one.

Hello891011 − My boyfriend makes 21$/hr while I make 15$/hr. We agree to save 1K each month, cover the bills and buy groceries from that, then we each get 500$ of spending cash to spend however we like.. Maybe talk to your partner about doing something like that? If they want more money to spend each month I think since your wages are so vastly different it would be okay.

iamltr − Honestly, maybe you would be better if you lived somewhere you could afford and then live on your own.. The number one thing on how to live better is to live beneath your budget.. If he has not cared that you are struggling by now, he never will.

These Redditors cheered the OP’s frugality but questioned her fiancé’s fairness. Some pushed for equity, others for a career boost. But do their hot takes nail the solution, or are they just stirring the pot? One thing’s certain: this money mess has folks buzzing.

This story lays bare the strain of unequal finances in love, where a 50/50 split feels anything but fair. The OP’s courage to consider a tough talk with her fiancé is a step toward balance, but it’ll take compromise to keep resentment at bay. How would you handle a partner who earns triple your pay but splits bills down the middle? Drop your thoughts and experiences below—let’s spark some ideas.

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